Nine years ago, we found eachother on a whim in San Francisco. I didn’t know I would be getting a dog until that morning. I remember sitting in my car when I had this overpowering urge to go to the shelter. I was going to surprise my old boyfriend when he got back from his trip, and I felt a nudge inside me to visit that specific shelter. When I walked in, the timing just so happened I was the first person to see a litter of puppies who’d been born at the shelter and just now able to be adopted. Every puppy looked different. Some white, some spotted, but all completely precious and stumbling around in that uncoordinated way that puppies do. Each pup would come up to me to play, and then run over to the rest of the litter and wrestle each other.
Except for one little brown dog. He was the only one not playing like the others. He calmly walked straight up to me, laid in my lap, and fell asleep for 30 minutes while I talked to the staff guy helping me. The guy even said, “well, it looks like you don’t have a choice..he’s chosen you.”
From that point on we’ve been by each others side. He’s been my sidekick, my co pilot, my protector & my best friend. We’ve lived in more places together than I can even count. From California, to Vegas, Alaska, Oregon, Hawaii, Washington..to traveling across the country together. He’s been the one steady aspect in my life, especially during a time that felt so unsteady. He has been a guardian angel for me in more ways than I can fathom. I’ve always felt a deep bond with animals, but the connection Leo and I share is something else. He knows my every emotion, without me having to say a word. He comforts me in the most sensitive, understanding way. We know each others nuances, down to every detail. In so many ways, I feel like we have always had this mutual understanding. We just get each other.
When I was in my early twenties I would dream of Leo being there with me through raising a family, seeing me grow and become a mother. That vision always warmed my heart, and now it’s here. But it’s different than I imagined it. Since getting Leo back, there have been signs that it could potentially be dangerous for Forest. Leo just isn’t the kind of dog who will calmly lay there while a child climbs on him and pulls & tugs on his tail. As much as I would love that to be the case, he’s just not. He’s amazing with Forest and as long as I’m there to oversee them playing, it’s mostly okay. But the one time I stepped into the bedroom for (literally seconds) to close the blinds, Leo & Forest were out in the living room and I heard a distinct growl that sent chills down my spine. When I ran out, I saw Forest sitting there calmly looking content (thank God!) but Leo had his head & tail down, with a look on his face that said ‘I’m so so sorry’. It was a wake up call for me. In that moment, I saw things differently. Leo will always be part of our family; but now being a mother, I have such a primal instinct & absolute priority to keep my baby safe. I don’t ever want to put Forest in an unsafe environment. Especially when signs have already shown themselves. It’s a really difficult situation that has weighed on me for weeks now. I’ve reached out to family and friends to see if anyone would be able to provide a good home for him. So far, nothing yet. 😔 If anyone has other suggestions or insights, please share. I’ve racked my brain and contacted every resource I could think of. For my own selfish reasons, I want to keep Leo with us forever; but I’m feeling like that isn’t best for everyone in the long run.
It’s taken me weeks to process this, and even come to terms with the reality of giving him a new home. I couldn’t have written these words last month. I’m trying my best to find peace in the situation, and trust that it will unfold just as it’s meant to. I just want him to go to the right person where he has a happy life, living in ease. He deserves that he really is the best dog ever. Anyone lucky enough to spend their days with him is blessed beyond compare.
