bria!

You could hear Devin on the other side of the door. He knocked when he realized that you had been in the bathroom for ten minutes without hearing anything running. You didn’t let him in. Just the possibility of you being pregnant was bad enough, but now it’s actually true? God knows what this’ll lead to.

You stare blankly at the cabinet in front of you when Devin knocks on the door again, “Babe, what’s going on in there? You good?”

His voice was slightly muffled through the door. You could hear his hoodie brushing against it. “I’m fine,” you say plainly, not a hint of emotion behind it.

Although the two of you had been dating for a little over two years now, pregnancy had never been a real conversation. Yeah, Devin mentioned wanting kids one day, but one day. He always made it seem like years from now in the far off future. And you, well you were okay with that. Kids had never been the highest on your list of priorities but it was something you saw for yourself at some point.

You push yourself off the floor, shorts falling from where they were bunched up at your thighs, before finally opening the door. Devin’s still standing there, leaning against the doorframe. “What’s wrong with you?” he asks, bringing his hand up to your forearm.

You quickly brush by him, placing the test in his now open hand. You began slowly pacing the room. Devin took a moment, confused by your actions before looking down and noticing the plus sign. He looked between you and the test a few times before letting out a deep sigh.

“Is this for real?”

“No, of course not. I just decided I was bored and that I’d hand you a fake ass pregnancy test for the fun of it! Be fucking for real Devin, of course it’s real!” It definitely comes out harsher than you imagined in your head, but who could blame you, what kind of question was that?

You stop pacing for a moment, going to the dresser to grab a hair tie, putting your braids up. “Look at me.” He says it with a hint of irritation. Like you panicking over an unplanned child is an annoying inconvenience for him.

You whip your head around, glaring over your shoulder. “I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, was it for sure, accurate?” His features felt slightly softer but the lines littered between his eyebrows were evident.

“I took three. All positive. Sounds pretty accurate to me.”

Devin walks closer to you, placing the test on the surface behind you. He takes your hands, rubbing over your knuckles with his thumbs. “Then we deal with this. Get you the best doctors, I can bring some of my family out. You aren’t alone-“

“Wait, what? I’m not having a baby,” you say it matter of factly. Like you made your decision before you even walked out of the bathroom, because you had. This was the easiest decision you could’ve made in your life.

Your boyfriend is clearly taken aback by this, dropping one of your hands, looking you dead in your face. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He sounds genuinely confused and it almost breaks your heart. Almost.

“I’m not having this baby, Devin. I can’t be a mother right now.”

He takes a step back, running his hands down his face.

“So I wasn’t gonna be a part of this conversation? Like I’m not the father or something?”

You let out a huff of laughter, but more so of disbelief. “Well you wouldn’t be the one carrying a baby for nine months, now would you?” you ask it rhetorically, placing a hand on your hip in the process. “You were the one who said you’d support anything I’d do if we ended up in this situation!”

“And I am! And I will! But I’m not gone act like you just deciding that you were gonna get rid of it without even telling me first isn’t crazy. You can’t even think about what I want,” he starts to raise his voice, not a yelling tone, one of assertiveness.

“Because it’s my life on the line! You’re not gonna quit your job to be a stay at home dad while I’m away for weeks at a time for work! And I’m not gonna be one of those people whose kid sees a nanny more than their own parents!” you are yelling now. You feel unheard and so disregarded. “This is such a stupid fucking conversation.” The last part comes out quieter as you turn and walk out of the room.

Devin gets up and follows closely behind you. “What did you just say?”

“That this is a stupid fucking conversation! We’ve talked about this at nauseam because you’re worried about that damn career more than me!” You turn yourself around in the hallway, now facing him. Your voice is shakier now, a tear even falls that you quickly swipe away.

“How could you even say something like that to me? Everything I do is for us, for you! I was considering taking a step back for you-”

“No one asked you to! You keep bringing this shit up like I begged you to be home more often. I knew what this was when we got together. I also knew that we could not sustain having a kid in the near future!” You cut him off, jogging down the stairs as if to separate yourself from the tension further emerging in the room.

He pauses behind you, unable to try and keep a poker face as he seems too confused to understand where you’re coming from. “Why am I the bad guy cause I wanted to be included on a big fucking decision?”

You stop in your tracks before opening your mouth, still facing away from him, “I never said you were the bad guy, but you automatically assumed that I would want it. Doesn’t look like you were gonna include me in that decision either.” You let out a loud sigh before continuing, “ I understand that you apparently want a baby now but I do not. Especially if we’re not even married, Dev.”

“Then we can talk more, we can get married. Baby we can do whatever you want.” He threw his arms up in defeat.

Taking another breath you started towards the front door, slipping your shoes on. “We can’t do whatever I want Devin because it leads back to you and what you want. I’m not gonna marry a man who cannot fathom that this is not what I want and I sure as hell am not gonna do it on a whim just so you can keep me pregnant.”

“Bro, you reading too much into what I’m saying. I’m just saying that I want you and I want you to be happy. If you good, I’m good, baby.”

“I am telling you right now, I want an abortion. That would make me happy. Are you still good with that?”

Devin opened his mouth but nothing came out. Just a slight inhale before bowing his head. And that right there was it. All you needed to reassure you that this talk would never be over, that it would be something brought back up again and again. Just how easily he could say something like that and take it back in the same breath.

You took your keys from the console table before opening the door. “Goodbye, Devin. Call me when you get your head out of your ass.”

Devin walks right up behind you, almost reaching out to grab you before his hand falters. “Babe, where are you going? You really finna leave like this?”

“Yes I am. I’m sick of you right now, so please give me some space.”