giyuu knows . he knows all too well . he's seen akaza come home , dripping in a strangers blood - hell , giyuu's kissed it off his skin with reverence . he's seen akaza come home filthy , and still choose to close his eyes and welcome him on in . akaza is a demon . people are his sustenance . it's the truest thing about them . it's been true before them , and it'll be true after them . but giyuu can't help how he resents it , the nature they're cursed with .
he hates to see that look in her face , hates it . it should be confirmation enough that she wouldn't , it should . but he's upset ( they both are ) ,, and words that he doesn't mean bubble up . thoughts that aren't quite giyuu's , or at least ones he'd ever associate with akaza . " i like to think that . i like to think i know you , like you know me . but how do you look me in the eyes and say i'm different ? that i'm not just another toy you haven't gotten bored of yet ? " it's unfair , akaza so obviously loves him - giyuu wouldn't be here if she didn't - akaza keeps him here for a reason . but he's still asking . who would've thought a bit of gore would be enough to make the oh so stoic water pillar so uncertain .
" that's -- that's not what this is about - " akaza is digging into his wounds once more ,, expertly - he's good at finding ones you can't even see , poking and prodding at the bruise until the man feels like he's ready to keel over . those eyes are piercing ,, knowing . they've seen him , wholly , in just about every way . akaza knows him like the back of his hand - knows just how to make him tick . giyuu wants the demon to look away , to spare him the gaze - to give him a moments reprieve . stop smiling at him stop looking at him . stop knowing exactly how to upset him .
" that's not what i'm mad about -- stop smiling at me like that -- i'm mad about someone i knew , yeah ,, i'm allowed to be upset about that . "
now it's giyuu's turn to look hurt ,, for that set expression to shift . when akaza's hand finds a new resting place , the pillar feels a sickness stirring . a rising bile in his throat . they've commented on his jealousy , and maybe any other time giyuu would've been sick in the head enough to swoon , to find it endearing when akaza's fingers dance over his skin . but now , giyuu feels ill . he wants to hurl when the hand that took a fellow hashira's life presses to that same spot , a visage of a fucked up reminder . with a hand now free , he presses it against akaza's shoulder , not enough to push away , but enough to make giyuu feel the space , the distance , before he suffocates . they're both going straight to hell , surely .
" i am not . " his voice is stern , quiet ,, but there's a waver there ,, one so unlike him . " i'm upset . " he repeats . at you , at myself - he thinks . make it better ? god , it's nothing but a taunt but giyuu wishes she could make things better . " you're sick . just stop talking like that . you aren't funny . "
