Memoirs of a Future Shark Attack Survivor

1 6-8 oz can tuna, drained

2 tsp. dill pickle relish

2 tsp. low fat/light mayo

4-5 grape tomatoes, quartered

1/2 avocado diced

2 tsp. Frank's Hot Sauce

On the first weekend of April, Evan and I traveled to Knoxville, TN to celebrate the marriage of Michael and Claire Sullivan. Evan stood up for the wedding as a groomsman - Mike and Evan are good friends from college - and I got to wear the gorgeous navy and cream leopard print low-back Rachel Zoe maxi dress that I'd been anticipating wearing for months. The rehearsal dinner was held at the Sunsphere (featured in the photos above - not to mention an episode of The Simpsons - and constructed for the World's Fair in 1982) and the wedding reception was hosted at the renovated and repurposed Knoxville Train Depot in Old City. The reception was beautiful, and the weather couldn't have been more perfect for the indoor-outdoor event. Claire and Mike were glowing in their happiness, and I'm pretty sure everyone (myself included) cried during the Father-of-the-Bride speech.

During the weekend, I was lucky enough to have the free time to explore Knoxville and walk around the UT campus with Liz, a fellow date-of-a-groomsman. The UT campus is green and hilly, and the buildings are a pleasant blend of old brick and new glass/concrete construction. It is easy to enjoy a new city when the weather is perfect (especially after a long, cold and windy winter), but I think I would have liked Knoxville any time of the year. The city is small and well-maintained with plenty or parks and open spaces. The restaurants are vegetarian friendly and there was a Chalk Walk competition/festival, running event and live bands in the Town Center (Market Square)  through out the weekend.

Moreover, the Tomato Head made my list for favorite veggie-friendly restaurants of all time. If you're in Knoxville, do yourself a favor and meander on over to Market Square to eat at this delightful local cafe. The specials are innovative and delicious, there is a tofu-option for nearly every dish, and the tofu/white bean burrito is the perfect cure for a hangover.

Raoul Silva: What's your [hobby]?

James Bond: Resurrection

Joining the ranks with Jeebus, Common and James Bond, Memoirs of a Future Shark Attack Survivor will live on in infamy for being resurrected as an active, interesting blog after nearly 1 year of radio silence. 

A friend living in Tel Aviv recently emailed me asking for feedback on title ideas for a blog about her life and experiences living in a different part of the world. I was overjoyed to hear that I would be able to read through her quasi-diary and get to know a piece of the world in a more personal way than if I were to read a travel book or Wikipedia article. However, I was also overcome with guilt and regret for not keeping up with my own blog.

In the last year and a half I've traveled all over the country, changed jobs, adopted a dog, decided to relocate (again - sigh), discovered new recipes and new favorite restaurants, made new friends, and am currently making big, soon to be announced life decisions. My lack of documentation on all of these experiences is appalling, and I will be taking immediate actions to rectify the situation.

"Eleven percent," says Nick.

"Do you feel awful about that?" I ask.

"Yes," says Nick.

There's something unusual about Nick. For a multimillionaire, he doesn't have your average multimillionaire view. In fact, he's come to believe that the system he benefits so richly from is built on nonsense—specifically, the idea that "the markets are perfectly efflcient and allocate benefits and burdens perfectly efflciently, based on talent and merit. So by that definition, the rich deserve to be rich and the poor deserve to be poor. We believe this because we have an almost insanely powerful need to self-justify."

And the biggest nonsense of all, he says, "is the idea that because the rich are the smartest, and because we're the job creators, the richer we get, the better it is for everyone. So taxes on the rich should be very, very low because we're essentially the center of the economic universe, the font of productivity." Nick pauses. "If there were a shred of truth to the claim that the rich are our nation's job creators, then given how rich the rich have gotten, America should be drowning in jobs!"

     The puppy party begins between 5:30 and 6:00 PM each weekday at Bark Park. By ones and twos, the dogs (and their respective owners) of Tysons Reserve and Townhomes migrate to the fenced in area on the Northeast corner of the lot. Denizens of the park range in size from 8 lb Yorkies (like Indie) to 110 lb Pitt Bulls (like Roo). Beagles (Bullet and Buddy), poodle mixes (Hastings and Watson), and mutts (Oliver, Avery, Fuzzy, and so on) abound in numbers. Typically, there is a Frisbee, rope toy, and/or tennis ball lying around to bump up the fun.

       When Gracie pulls her way into the fenced park, her sole goal is to annoy as many dogs as possible, as quickly as possible. While shy around other dogs in her first few months of life, she has grown into a 100 lb attention monster in a 10 lb body. Gracie loves to play with other dogs - regardless of size - and demands notice from all passersby. If a dog is too big/tall for her to play with, she simply stands on her hind legs to paw at their face and chew on their ears. If a dog ignores her or is interested in something other than her on the ground, she flips onto her back and wiggles underneath their face - belly up and tail wagging.

       After 30 to 45 minutes of romping and fetching, the group dissipates quickly: one dog/owner combo departs; barking, jumping and waving their goodbyes. It is the cue for everyone else to return home. The dogs, generally well-behaved and observant of commands, see their owners collecting leashes and quickly scatter. The canines become a bait ball of disobedience, jumping on people without discern and sprinting after one another. Dogs who have been trained exceedingly well lead the pack in a final game of chase while dodging their masters outstretched hands. Someone foolishly believes that if he offers a treat to his dog, the pup will come to his call. This unsuspecting owner is quickly bowled over by the herd of dogs that run to him seeking the treat.

On The Road,directed by Walter Salles (of Motorcycle Diaries)

With this stellar cast, it better be phenomenal.

Evan and I adopted Gracie Belle - a terrier mix/mutt - from A Forever Home last Sunday. She is nine weeks old (as of yesterday) and has only had one accident in the house since she started doing her business outside. After two days with us, Gracie stopped whinning at night and crying when we put her in her crate or pen. She is also a monster but incredibly intelligent. I feel like the proudest parent in the whole world.

Yesterday, Evan and I took Gracie to the vet for her initial check up and a couple of immunization shots. She weighs a whopping 3.6 pounds and is healthy as any puppy can be.

Slept on an air mattress, bought a bed.

Read some Ayn Rand. Stopped reading Ayn Rand.

Ran a half marathon in Huntington Beach.

Had a cavity filled.

Got a promotion.

Played hide and seek.

Won $40 in Vegas at the Roulette table.

Relocated for work: LA --> DC

Achieved a few career goals, opened a new office.

Read the Dark Tower Series in entirety. (Wizard and Glass was my favorite.)

Visited 7 states, heretofore unseen.

Visited friends and family.

Had friends and family visit me.

Found a new yoga studio.

Bought a new car.

Cut my hair... once.

Had another cavity filled. Thank goodness for dental insurance.

Bought a new bike.

Learned to make pumpkin pie.

Made a turkey and ate a piece.

Learned to play Euchre.

Made new friends.

Bought a plant - Roland the Ruby Rubber Tree.

Fell in love with two new authors - George Martin and Patrick Rothfuss.

Found new "favorite spots" all over the country.

Ran just under 700 miles in total.

Watched 99 movies and 21 TV shows.

Pet every puppy with in a 25 foot radius of my person.

Made dozens of batches of cookie dough. Baked 2 batches.

Experienced a tsunami on the West Coast (kind of, not really. no not at all) and an earthquake and a hurricane on the East Coast.

Played on the beach, swam in the ocean, hiked mountains, biked forested trails, and ran in the rain.

Gov. John Kitzhaber

Chris Heath: What can you tell about a man by the type of pizza that he likes?

Herman Cain: [repeats the question aloud, then pauses for a long moment] The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is.

Chris Heath: Why is that?

Herman Cain: Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. [laughs]

Devin Gordon: Is that purely a meat question?

Herman Cain: A manly man don't want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.

Source

Casey (left) was a 12-year-old golden retriever with a huge head and a handsome face. He loved playing fetch in the lake, belly-flopping off the pier or the swimming platform, and eating seaweed. He also loved food. Obsessively. Well, everything but carrots. Casey also spent about a third of his life carrying around an over-sized stuffed animal in his mouth. Every time someone walked through the front door, he was completely torn in his great excitement between finding his overstuffed bear to bring to you and wiggling circles around your legs hoping you'd pet him. In the end, he usually ended up making a whining, growling noise and running back and forth between you and different rooms of the house in search of his stuffed animal. In addition to Casey, some of the names he responded to most favorably were Fat Head, Dog, Walrus, Big Head, Dummy, Casey Boy, and Maggie (right). He responded to people calling Maggie better then she did because he was so jealous of her attention.

Casey wasn't the brightest of his K9 brethren, but he was obedient and loyal to a tee. He could only bark on command when laying down and never brought back the stick or Frisbee you threw for him... unless it was in the water. He lumbered around like a live teddy bear, and LOVED laying in the kiddie pool while someone sprayed him with a hose. Unlike other dogs which might get riled up when their owners tried to wrestle with them, playfully smack them around, or wave a toy in front of them, Casey would simply roll over and lay his head on the ground. This passive dog wouldn't even stand his ground when another dog stole his treat or Maggie or Bailey would take his food. He'd simply sit back on his haunches and wait patiently for his turn or the scraps.

True Loves

Horray for the Earth

I'm spending the week in a hotel in Richmond, VA to host a Regional Training for work. While living out of a suitcase, sleeping in an unfamiliar bed, and existing in a state of perpetual hunger because I do not have a kitchen to visit for regular snacking are not some of my favorite activities in the world, this hotel stay has been especially... interesting. Upon entering my room of the 100+ year old hotel building, I found pubic hair all over the bathroom floor, stains on sheets, and animal fur coating all carpeted surfaces. Moreover, there are only two water temperatures that can be coaxed from the old faucets: hot and slightly less hot. It has been wonderful to come back from a run around the hilly, humid, heat/air condition advisory streets of Richmond to hop into a bathwater shower. And don't even get my started on the fact that the first four floors of the building smell like your grandma's basement after a flood.

There was one incident in particular that tickled my fancy, however:

Cleaning Lady: Do you need room service? Me: Yes, please. CL: Well, what you want done? Me: If you could vacuum the floor in the bedroom, that'd be great. I was walking barefoot and then found a bunch of cat hair on the bottom of my feet. When I actually looked at the floor, I saw that it was covered in cat hair. Kinda grosses me out. CL: Yeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhhh... Ms. Room Service looks around the room like an inspector from a black and white movie - hands clasped behind her back, slightly bowed over, consternation knitting her eyebrows. You know what happened in here? Me: What? CL: Someone had a cat in this room.