Brain Vittles

With a heavy heart I had to say goodbye to my Pappou Yianni tonight. I’m going to miss those drives when I would come to pick you up and we would hang out at the shop but I’m glad I’ll have those memories forever. Rest and relax in peace. I know that you’re probably by the fire upstate where you always wanted to be.

Let’s get some smash goin! SW-5076-9357-9017

"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well."

In church, a pastor was leading the house in prayer. He said, "God, please protect your believers, and deliver us from sin." Chuck Norris stood up and said, "What have you done for me lately?"

Thanks for all the birthday wishes everyone!

"I am a Ford, not a Lincoln."

"The only athletic sport I ever mastered was backgammon."

"Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a monkey looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey."

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says: "What the fuck is your problem! I said I needed a hand saw!" The other guy says: "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."

The Fire Brigade were trying to rescue an Irishman from the 10th floor of a burning building. Fireman shouts: "Jump and we'll catch you in this blanket!" Irishman replies: "Fuck off, I don't trust you, lay it on the floor!"

"The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."

"Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint."

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

"This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now."