ive been trying with every fibre of my being my whole life to refuse the idea that most people are actually not very nice. I’ve been actively keeping alive and nurturing the concept that everyone is good at heart and wants the same things. the world is fighting so hard to prove me wrong. my mum always told me that everyone is only out for themselves. I wonder whether I should have listened.
i feel so alone inthe experience of ennui and existentialism whenever im reminded that sometimes people are mean for no good reason, do not care about communities or are generally selfish in most of their endeavours.
i feel like a naughty child. i feel as though people view me as immature and arrogant. simply because i value connection, care and authenticity enough for people to be blinded by it. i feel like people are disgusted by how bare i am. i feel naked and judged always, but covering up would be suffocating and overwhelming. i have so much expression inside me that is always leaking out where people dont want to see it.
maybe this is all just the frustrations of an entitled woman. i feel like people SHOULD be kind. they SHOULD be open and they SHOULD care about their communities as a priority. there is a part of me that demands the world be better, and its being smothered every day. it seems like early on in life people learned to accept the way things are, and i must have just missed that step because there is fire and rage and sorrow and shame and hope and begging inside me for people to simply do their bit, socially. life is hard enough, capitalism, disability, death and disease, religion, war, yet the average person….does not contribute to making day to day life feel gentle and secure and worthwhile. i live in the middle of fucking nowhere and it still seems like some weird ego driven rat race where no one really cares about one another.
romaincrisis
2087
dededos
titsay
dailybridgerton
annaxmalina
jbbartram-illu
stormborns
