@braindeadelfbitch - Tumblr Blog

I need them to kiss my forehead while pumping me full of their cum 🥺

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desert-palm

captain-acab

Catch me being a modern-day cyberpirate screaming up alongside you on the 405 in my mad max car with half a bitcoin farm's worth of RAM in the backseat as I hack your Bitchless Towyota™ device and steal the boat you're towing right off the back bumper of the tesla your dad bought you

As i roar into the sunset you have to swerve* to avoid the small flotilla of hacked Towyota devices trailing behind me

(*in fact you do not swerve because you're on hands-free driving to go along with your hitch-free towing so you can only watch helplessly as your tesla mistakes your stolen booty for a small child and accelerates crashing into it and killing you instantly)

datsderbunnyblog

The scientology speedruns were already funny but I thought they were joking when they said they were mapping the building. I absolutely lost it when I saw the actual map.

ta3baan-deactivated20240729

yaknowlikenyah

I need to fuck a thing that moans when you slap its face

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lesbianshepard

Current twitter drama is Europeans confidently declaring that they don't need to drive or use overpriced public transport to get to the MetLife stadium for the World Cup; they will simply walk down the highway to get there. Girl it's New Jersey. They're gonna splatter you for fun.

lesbianshepard

If you manage to get on the turnpike before the cops stop you, a soccer mom is gonna do the Jersey slide in a RAV4 and turn your entire group into a wet speedbump

bunjywunjy

this? you want to walk down this????

please say sike

bunjywunjy

IT'S NOT A FUCKING STREET ITS AN 8-LANE SUPERHIGHWAY THAT GOES OVER A SWAMP

hapalopus

footpath

bunjywunjy

that is grass. just like ur ass, if you try to walk this thing

phantomomo

Image me gently taking your hand as I tell you the following:

This is ABSOLUTELY a perfectly fine footpath.

In fact, with how much space I’m seeing here, it is entirely plausible, that the European hordes will just create a temporary little Wanderweg right next to the highway. With that much space they might not even have to interfere with traffic.

But also have you seen the space between your highways? I‘d say the gaps each easily fit another whole stream of European walking hordes. Or maybe even two going opposite directions :D

bunjywunjy

tightly grips your hand with both of my sweaty hands.

the grass is not a permanent feature. there just happens to be a chunk of it there. the side of the road can vary from grass to swampwater ditches to steep embankments to absolutely nothing within a very short distance.

they will call in every highway enforcer in the state and mass incarcerate the lot of you before they allow you to Darwin Award yourselves across 6 lanes of traffic into an international incident or, (their real concern) impede the progress of the single most important north-south interstate corridor in america, ball kicky game be damned.

(I'm starting to believe that a fair number of you in the notes have We're Better Than Stupid Americans embedded so deeply into your cultural identity that you will Just Not Listen to anything we say to you about the material circumstances about the place we live in, rather than taking us at our word that there is a reason that most Americans travel the way we do and it's a good reason.)

library-seraph

"Jaywalking is not a thing in Europe" may I suggest this is less about the laws of America and more about the laws of inertia

wanderingthunderstorm

Trolley problem:

You are a US American motorist driving along i-95 during rush hour. You see a pedestrian dart in front of you. You have 2 seconds to make a decision:

Attempt to stop (cause multi-car pile up and kill pedestrian anyway)

Attempt to swerve #1 (cause semi truck next to you to jackknife, cause pileup, kill pedestrian anyway)

Attempt to swerve #2 (into ditch/swamp/retaining wall, 85 mph/137 km per hour, killing yourself, your passengers, and a bunch of other people on the road when your car inevitably sends pieces shooting off into traffic. Also, the pedestrian gets run over by the person behind you, who was NOT expecting a pedestrian and didn't even see them)

Run over the pedestrian and hope you can at least stay in your lane and not cause a worse accident while you slow down

lastoneout

A second bike helmet discourse has hit the US/Europe cultural exchange...

stjepan-sejic

sunstone mercy is a longer timespan storyarc that starts off during the college years of our main cast and moves past the events of the initial sunstone arc, continuing and elaborating on events of that story. the college part of the arc elaborates among other things on the misadventures of ally and alan being effectively sparring partners to each other as they spent time they couldn't afford to spend figuring out their own approach to bdsm one fuckup at a time.

themapisonfire

Finished up for @charnel-heart

ouroborosorder

everyone jokes about Gardevoir trainers being horny freaks but I think Gardevoir trainers would actually be posting like irl doll collectors

ouroborosorder

They’d be posting ”An exquisite day for a most elegant lady” and then a picture of the cutest tea party you have ever seen for a Gardevoir wearing a lovely little hat

ouroborosorder

the real horny freaks would be posting shit like “go my loyal minions” and then a video of them siccing 6 Galarian zigzagoon on a dumpster

demi-shoggoth

These tags are too good to be transitory

melancholiadecember

Fishnets will stay on.

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roughribo

Free use because you're getting a massage and a compliment no matter how much you resist and protest. You WILL take the roses I got for you and you WILL feel relaxed and proud of yourself. Now eat this macaron and sip this calming tea while I put you in your place. Your comfortable place where you belong mwuhahaha!

victoriaprincess

super brainwashed armcandy bimbo girl who is trained so that whenever she tries to have a thougt she has the instinctual need to touch up/check her makeup is perfect, thinking can wait till after that, of course by the time shes done shes forgotten all about thinking

rythms-of-synthax-deactivated20

Quote of the day

baffledtreesquid

I’m seeing a lot of people saying this post changed their brain chemistry, and as a neuroscientist I wanted to say yes!!! Yes it does!

Wanting something requires dopamine signaling, but liking something doesn’t.

If you have a mental illness/disorder that affects dopamine, you might feel that you don’t want to do the things that you like. You do still like them. You will appreciate having done them.

Let your likes guide you.

(If you want to read more, here’s one experimental paper about it. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5171207/ This theory called the incentive-sensitization theory was originally created to explain behaviors in addiction but can be applied elsewhere as well)

Rewards are both ‘liked’ and ‘wanted’, and those two words seem almost interchangeable. However, the brain circuitry that mediates the psych

deeperforme

Interesting...

jordanswitches

i don't see enough posts about drugs that make you really sensitive and horny but unable to cum like. why the fuck not that's the hottest concept ever, touching you in all your favourite ways and it just keeps building and building and every time you think you're going to tip over and have the orgasm of your life it just doesn't happen like. how is that not the best thing ever

softavielovesithard

need a man pounding my cunt fast and hard, rutting into me like a mindless animal, growling "take it take it fucking take it"

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manfromwood

nonaferatu

This would have had me crucified on tumblr 10 years ago but maybe we are ready for this conversation now:

If you are a socially anxious person, you have to socialize. Your panic/anxiety attacks will only get worse and trigger more frequently if you constantly avoid contact with The Public. Not saying that you need to be a social butterfly- but there is a genuine problem with not being able to order your own meal at a restaurant. And it cannot be solved by always having someone else do it for you.

This is a PSA to about 3/4s of the Portland Youth populace

nonaferatu

everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.

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