Has any of you ever thought about becoming a parent? More importantly, is any of you a parent?
TG: im having a baby anon
CG: WHAT THE FUCK, STRIDER.
TG: just think it over bro
CG: YOU’RE TRYING TO GIVE ME A STROKE, AREN’T YOU? ORDERLY! MALE NURSE PERSON! LADY DELIVERING MAIL! YOU ARE ALL WITNESSES THAT THIS FRENCH VANILLA DWEEB IS TRYING TO MAKE ME HAVE A STROKE.
CG: ALSO, I THINK I WOULD MAKE AN EXCELLENT PARENT, AND FUCK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR MAKING FUN OF ME FOR SAYING SO.
GG: as for me… hmm! i like kids, but id rather take them to the park and stuff them with soda and candy and them give them back to their parents XD
TG: so you’d rather be somebodys cool aunt
GG: yeah!! or maybe a babysitter or an au pair or something!
GG: getting paid to eat ice cream and watch movies with explosions in them would rock!
TG: where were you when i was six
GG: busy being only eight myself!!
GG: how about you rose? any secret longing to settle down and sprog?
TT: I have no real desire to continue the Lalonde line.
TT: I think instead I will raise triops.
TT: They’re little aquatic living fossils. Look, here’s one eating a carrot.
GA: While Sitting On Another Carrot
GA: Twenty Beautiful Alien Fossil Children
TT: I thought you might find them appealing. Of course we can.
TT: Together we can dominate this puny realm with our vast army of weensy antediluvian horrors.
TA: ii’m wiith ll, only ii’ll 2tiick two bee2.
TA: le22 freaky 2hellfii2h 2liitheriing around two haunt my dream2, more free honey and 2pon2ored vloggiing opportwoniitiie2.
TA: but real iinfant2, fuck that noii2e.
TA: have you ever 2een 2omeone giive biirth, iit’2 completely dii2gu2tiing.
TA: you wiill never look at a bajiingo the 2ame way agaiin, oh my god.
TA: one tiime uncle boxcar2 had two 2iit wiith hiis cou2iin, 2he had two have a c-2ectiion
TA: and her hu2band wa2 siick and couldn’t come iin, and HB couldn’t thiink of an excu2e fa2t enough two get out of iit
TA: Dad 2 told me the progeny’2 head popped up out of her belly liike a jack-iin-the-box covered iin blood and whatever el2e they come out covered iin
TA: HB pa22ed out riight there on the floor, lmao.
TA: that guy ii2 the siize of a double wiide traiiler home, he priiz3 fiight2 liike other people play golf.
TA: he ha2 all the2e trophiie2 and everythiing, he ha2 offiiciially made two people pii22 themselve2 ju2t by glariing at them.
TA: and then he goe2 riight the fuck over liike a biig 2ad 2ack of briick2, bu2ted hii2 liip on the bed raiil.
TA: he got beat down by a 2qualliing neonate wiith abnormal neck mu2cle control, lol.
CG: HORRIFYING. I AM HORRIFIED. FUCK YOU FOR PUTTING THAT IMAGE IN MY HEAD FOREVER.
TA: you are a2 welcome a2 ever, kk.
CG: IF I COULD DELETE THE PAST ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SECONDS FROM MY OVER-TRAUMATIZED BRAIN…. I WOULDN’T. BECAUSE I MIGHT FORGET HOW GROSS YOU ARE.
CG: CATCH HERPES FOR REAL. ANYWAY, BACK TO SANITY, I WOULDN’T MIND BEING A PARENT EVEN IF THEY ARE GROSS. KIDS ARE SMART AND FUNNY AS HELL.
EB: hehehehe it’s funny you should say that karkat! when we played the game you ended up covered in tiny little versions of y–
CG: I COULD HAVE SWORN I TOLD YOU THAT IF YOU MENTIONED YOUR STORY AROUND ME AGAIN, I WOULD PERSONALLY CONFISCATE YOUR SPINE AND FLOSS WITH IT.
GA: We Could Hear You All The Way From The Greenhouse
CG: WELL GOOD THEN! I HAVE WITNESSES.
EB: do what you must, karkat! the world deserves to know you were adorable and totally parental in an alternate timeline
CG: WELL WELL LOOK AT THE TIME, IT’S FLOSS O CLOCK!
CG: ARE YOU READY TO SPELUNK THE UNSPEAKABLE CESSPIT BETWEEN MY MOLARS, YOU SMUG LITTLE SHITGIGGLE? I NEVER MADE A SCORE OF GROSS BUG BABIES AND NONE OF THEM EVER TOOK A DUMP IN MY HAIR THE COLOR OF ROTTEN EASTER CANDY
EB: whatever dude. it so happened.
CG: ANYWAY, YEAH. SURE, I’D RAISE A KID.
CG: EVEN IF I TURNED OUT TO SUCK ROYALLY AT CHILD REARING, I LITERALLY PHYSICALLY CANNOT DO ANY WORSE A JOB THAN ANY OF OUR OWN PARENTS, RIGHT? AND LOOK AT US, WE CAME OUT FINE.
GA: That Was The Most Rousing Pep Talk Of All Time I Am Genuinely Enthusiastic About My Impending Career As Assistant Aquatic Fossil Monster Motherhood
TT: I have a fresh invert trader catalogue in the greenhouse.
TG: thank you please move along
