psycho from a midwest suburb.

Let’s text! feel free to make edits to better suit your muse’s voice/typing style/contact names, but please don’t edit or add on to the original post. 💛

[ text ] are you awake?

[ text ] it’s been three days! why haven’t you been answering your phone?

[ text ] are you ignoring me?

[ text ] can you let me in? I’m out front.

[ text ] are you okay?

[ text ] I miss you.

[ text ] are you at home?

[ text ] did you get home safe?

[ text ] where are you?

[ text ] what did you do?

[ text ] how did you get this number?

[ text ] can we talk?

[ text ] hey, is this [ name/wrong name ]?

[ text ] are you drunk?

[ text ] do you also hear thunder outside?

[ text ] text me when you get home safe.

[ text ] are you in my kitchen??

[ text ] stop lying to me!

[ text ] what the hell happened?

[ text ] why do you only text me at 3am?

[ text ] okay, that’s it. I’m coming over.

[ text ] do you want to come over?

[ text ] stop shutting me out.

[ text ] come over.

[ text ] are you lost?

[ text ] do you want to talk?

[ text ] rough day, huh?

[ 📲 sms: ]  i hate everyone. but not you. [ 📲 sms: ]  want to make a beautiful memory together? [ 📲 sms: ]  i'd rather do nothing with you than something with anyone else. [ 📲 sms: ]  netflix? chill? both? [ 📲 sms: ]  can't stop thinking about you. [ 📲 sms: ]  you're my favorite veggie. a cute-cumber! [ 📲 sms: ]  i adore you. that's all. [ 📲 sms: ]  you make me a better person and i'd like to keep improving. [ 📲 sms: ]  it's cold today. can you warm me up? [ 📲 sms: ]  i'm into curves, and my favorite is your smile. [ 📲 sms: ]  my day is more fun when you're in it. [ 📲 sms: ]  you were in my dreams last night. wanna hear? [ 📲 sms: ]  you were the first thing i thought of when i woke up. [ 📲 sms: ]  i already miss you and can't wait to see you again. [ 📲 sms: ]  what would you do if i were with you right now? [ 📲 sms: ]  hey stranger. stop being a stranger. [ 📲 sms: ]  this is me asking you out. want to get coffee tomorrow? [ 📲 sms: ]  nobody understands me like you do. [ 📲 sms: ]  i wish you were here with me. [ 📲 sms: ]  you never text first. i can’t tell if you hate me or if you’re playing hard to get. [ 📲 sms: ]  which emoji makes you think of me? [ 📲 sms: ]  want to have this conversation in person? [ 📲 sms: ]  i don’t have anything interesting to tell you, but i really wanted to talk to you. [ 📲 sms: ]  everything makes me think of you. [ 📲 sms: ]  i can't sleep. i blame you. [ 📲 sms: ]  surprise! i got you flowers: 💐 [ 📲 sms: ]  i can't help but smile every time your name pops up on my screen. [ 📲 sms: ]  you look so good right now. i can’t actually see you, but i assume you look good because you always do. [ 📲 sms: ]  even over text you're so charming. [ 📲 sms: ]  i'm smiling just thinking about getting to see you later. [ 📲 sms: ]  my day would've been a lot better if i'd gotten to spend it with you. [ 📲 sms: ]  i'm really glad to have you in my life. [ 📲 sms: ]  i could talk to you all night. [ 📲 sms: ]  just thinking about falling in love with you. i'd do it all over again and again. [ 📲 sms: ]  you mean the world to me. don’t ever forget that. [ 📲 sms: ]  i'm so incredibly lucky to know you. [ 📲 sms: ]  you get more beautiful every time i see you. [ 📲 sms: ]  you are my heart. [ 📲 sms: ]  you’re single. i'm single. i feel like this is a problem we can solve together. [ 📲 sms: ]  thinking a lot of things about you i can’t say … but i could text.

Send one of the prompts below to get a response from my muse.

wrong/random number texts: 

( ✉ → sms ) found your number written on a wall… should i erase it?

( ✉ → sms ) [random name here]? is this still your number?

( ✉ → sms ) pretty sure you dialed the wrong number, but thanks for the 13 drunk voicemails last night.

( ✉ → sms ) you don’t know me but i’m bored and texting random numbers, so hi!

( ✉ → sms ) you FUCKING asshole, i hope you know how much i hate you!!!

sad texts:

( ✉ → sms ) can you please distract me so i don’t cry in public?

( ✉ → sms ) everything hurts lately

( ✉ → sms ) thanks for trying to cheer me up, but it’s not working.

( ✉ → sms ) what makes you feel better when you’re sad?

( ✉ → sms ) i just need to vent…

drunk texts:

( ✉ → sms ) im not DRUNK waht amkes you thijnk that

( ✉ → sms ) cna you pick me up… and brign some shoess… i cant find mine

( ✉ → sms ) the party was horrible but at least ikm drunk lol

( ✉ → sms ) whyj don’t oyu fuckign miss me????

( ✉ → sms ) all i wnat to do right now is talkk to you

angsty texts:

( ✉ → sms ) please talk to me. please help me make this work.

( ✉ → sms ) i don’t think we should see each other again.

( ✉ → sms ) when will we admit we’re no good for each other…

( ✉ → sms ) just know i cared about you. i really did.

( ✉ → sms ) i don’t think things can ever go back to the way they were between us

misc texts:

( ✉ → sms ) why do you reply so slowwwwwww

( ✉ → sms ) help me choose a pizza topping please

( ✉ → sms ) don’t listen to any of the voicemails i sent last night. i was drunk.

( ✉ → sms ) you haven’t watched my snapchat story all day. what are you up to?????

( ✉ → sms ) i’ve had the same dream about you three times in a row, is that weird?

( ✉ → sms ) why is april fool’s the only day of the year where people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true?

    change gendered language to your needs.  ♡

[Text]:Wtf why would you stick a baseball bat there

[Text]:Do you think Domino's takes orders through texts?

[Text]:Do you want me to pickup milk while I'm out?

[Text]:Tbh Leo never deserved an oscar

[Text]:The party's tonight at 8, you bring the dip and I bring the chips?

[Text]:How horny can a lizard get?

[Text]:stop sending me emojis I don't have a smart phone okay?

[Text]:FYCK MY XBOX BROKE SHIT I DIDNT SAVE THE GAME RKTJG

[Text]:There are usually goats in the river

[Text]:We're out of toilet paper

[Text]:I'm on my way, but what street do you live on again?

[Text]:Picking up McDonald's, what do you want?

[Text]:THEY KILLED HIM. THEY KILLED HIM WHAT THEF UCK THIS SHOW IS SO HEARTW RENCHING WHY'D YOU MAKE ME WATCH IT

[Text]:It's literally two in the morning

[Text]:K?

[Text]:How's it going?

[text] Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.

[text] If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes

[text] He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.

[text] I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.

[text] I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.

[text] I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.

[text] I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"

[text] Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?

[text] You can't special order awesome

[text] Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me

[text] Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.

[text] Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter

[text] I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.

[text] it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.

[text] I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.

[text] so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.

[text] Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.

[text] I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense

[text] How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????

[text] My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.

[text] I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises

[text] I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...

[text] Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.

[ text; ] this is a terrible idea

[ text; ] fuCK you f*ck your cartoon hotdog husband fuck his stupid sunglasses and FUCK the ketchup kids (and fuck THEIR sunglasses)

[ text; ] i need help.

[ text; ] i don' t know wh a t to fuckign do w i th myself a nymo re

[ text; ] i got a dog!!!!! I GOT A DOG!!!!

[ text; ] please let me come over and pet your dog?

[ text; ] anyway i'm bleeding, like, really badly. no worries though i'm good

[ text; ] i love death and dying

[ text; ] i fucked up. i fucked up really badly.

[ text; ] I BROKE EVERYTHING

[ text; ] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[ text; ] don't freak out but i'm in the hospital.

[ text; ] leave me alone.

[ text; ] i said not to talk to me.

[ text; ] QUICK WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL SONG

[ text; ] some-

[ text; ] this might be the last text i ever send you.

[ text; ] i'm going to do it.

[ text; ] i'm sorry.

[ text; ] fCUK I PUNCHED MYSELF I NTHE FACE

[ text; ] i'm playing club penguin and you wouldn't believe the shit these 9 year olds are saying to me

[ text; ] you okay?

[ text; ] i'm so worried please text back please please please

[ text; ] 'i don't drink coffee,' i say, before chugging an entire pot of it

[ text; ] what would happen if i just, like, downed seven five-hour energies. does that equal 35 hours of energy

[ text; ] brb, descending into hell.

[ text; ] it's 3 am and i can't sleep

Send one of the prompts below to get a response from my muse.

wrong/random number texts: 

( ✉ → sms ) found your number written on a wall… should i erase it?

( ✉ → sms ) [random name here]? is this still your number?

( ✉ → sms ) pretty sure you dialed the wrong number, but thanks for the 13 drunk voicemails last night.

( ✉ → sms ) you don’t know me but i’m bored and texting random numbers, so hi!

( ✉ → sms ) you FUCKING asshole, i hope you know how much i hate you!!!

sad texts:

( ✉ → sms ) can you please distract me so i don’t cry in public?

( ✉ → sms ) everything hurts lately

( ✉ → sms ) thanks for trying to cheer me up, but it’s not working.

( ✉ → sms ) what makes you feel better when you’re sad?

( ✉ → sms ) i just need to vent…

drunk texts:

( ✉ → sms ) im not DRUNK waht amkes you thijnk that

( ✉ → sms ) cna you pick me up… and brign some shoess… i cant find mine

( ✉ → sms ) the party was horrible but at least ikm drunk lol

( ✉ → sms ) whyj don’t oyu fuckign miss me????

( ✉ → sms ) all i wnat to do right now is talkk to you

angsty texts:

( ✉ → sms ) please talk to me. please help me make this work.

( ✉ → sms ) i don’t think we should see each other again.

( ✉ → sms ) when will we admit we’re no good for each other…

( ✉ → sms ) just know i cared about you. i really did.

( ✉ → sms ) i don’t think things can ever go back to the way they were between us

misc texts:

( ✉ → sms ) why do you reply so slowwwwwww

( ✉ → sms ) help me choose a pizza topping please

( ✉ → sms ) don’t listen to any of the voicemails i sent last night. i was drunk.

( ✉ → sms ) you haven’t watched my snapchat story all day. what are you up to?????

( ✉ → sms ) i’ve had the same dream about you three times in a row, is that weird?

( ✉ → sms ) why is april fool’s the only day of the year where people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true?

These can be quite fun when you don’t want a full fledged thread, but instead something shorter or different. Enjoy!

[TEXT] Are you drunk?

[TEXT] Are you free tonight?

[TEXT] Are you fucking kidding me?

[TEXT] Are you high?

[TEXT] Are you ignoring me?

[TEXT] Are you okay?

[TEXT] Are you up?

[TEXT] Can I ask you a question?

[TEXT] Can I borrow $20?

[TEXT] Can we talk about this later?

[TEXT] Can we talk?

[TEXT] Can you come pick me up?

[TEXT] Can you do me a favor?

[TEXT] Come over.

[TEXT] Delete my number.

[TEXT] Did you make it home safely?

[TEXT] Did you sleep together?

[TEXT] Do you ever wonder what it’d be like if we were still together?

[TEXT] Good morning, sunshine!

[TEXT] Goodnight.

[TEXT] Hey! Long time no talk.

[TEXT] I can tell that you’re lying, even over text.

[TEXT] I just woke up.

[TEXT] I know everything.

[TEXT] I know it’s late, but come over.

[TEXT] I love you.

[TEXT] I mean, if we’re both single…

[TEXT] I miss you.

[TEXT] I wish you were here.

[TEXT] I’m busy. Bye.

[TEXT] I’m so bored.

[TEXT] Leave me alone.

[TEXT] Let’s talk about this when we’re both sober. Goodnight.

[TEXT] Pick you up at 7?

[TEXT] Send a picture.

[TEXT] Shut the fuck up.

[TEXT] Sorry, that was not meant for you!

[TEXT] Sorry, whose number is this?

[TEXT] Stay away from me.

[TEXT] Stop blowing up my phone!

[TEXT] Text me when you get home.

[TEXT] Wake up!

[TEXT] Want to get a drink sometime?

[TEXT] Want to hook up?

[TEXT] What do you want?

[TEXT] Where are you? You said you’d be here 30 minutes ago.

[TEXT] Who gave you my number?

[TEXT] Why are you still awake?

[TEXT] Will you stop calling me?

[TEXT] Without me? ;)

[TEXT] You can’t hide from me!

[TEXT] You take a long time to reply.

[TEXT] You’re cute.

as 

while 

when,

whilst

 even as

 just as

 just when

 simultaneously as

 so long as

 at the moment that

 at the same time that at the time that

 in the act of

 in the process of 

on the point of

during the time that

 at the same time as

 during the time

 throughout the time

 in the time

 during which

 during which time

for the period that

 at the same time

 meanwhile

 at the time

 as long as

 exactly when

 at the very moment that

at the very time that after

 as soon as

 immediately when

 immediately after

instantly when once

looked

glanced 

gazed 

stared

gaped

peered

focused 

 peeped 

peeked

took a look

taken a look 

watched

considered 

saw 

seen

observed 

viewed

regarded

marked 

checked out

glimpsed 

spotted 

eyed 

took in 

taken 

in ogled

eyeballed 

beheld

beholden 

before

ahead

back

previously

since

sooner

afore

aforetime

ante

antecedently

anteriorly

before present

ere

fore

former

formerly

forward

gone

gone by

heretofore

in advance

in days of yore

in front

in old days

in the past

past

precendently

previous

up to now

smiled

beam

grin

laugh

smirk

simper

be gracious

express friendliness

express tenderness

look amused

look delighted

look happy

look pleased

touch

brush

caress

feel

handle

hit

kiss

lick

pat

reach

rub

strike

stroke

tap

abut

adjoin

border

communicate

contact

converge

dab

examine

finger

fondle

frisk

glance

graze

grope

inspect

join

line

manipulate

march

massage

meet

neighbor

osculate

palm

palpate

partake

paw

percuss

pet

probe

push

scrutinize

sip

smooth

suck

sweep

tag

taste

thumb

tickle

tip

toy

verge

be in contact

butt on

come together

feel up

impinge upon

lay a finger on

exhaled

breathe

emit

give off

let out

discharge

eject

emanate

evaporate

expel

issue

respire

steam

vaporize

nodded

acknowledge

bend

bow

greet

respond

salute

acquiesce

agree

approve

assent

passionate

ardent

dramatic

eager

eloquent

emotional

expressive

fervent

fierce

fiery

forceful

heartfelt

heated

impassioned

intense

poignant

spirited

strong

vehement

violent

zealous

affecting

animated

blazing

burning

deep

fervid

flaming

frenzied

glowing

headlong

high-powered

high-pressure

hot

hotblooded

impetuous

impulsive

inspiring

melodramatic

moving

precipitate

quickened

steamed up

stimulated

stirring

thrilling

warm

wild

but

although

however

nevertheless

on the other hand

still

though

yet

gasped

choke

snort

whoop

blow

convulse

gulp

heave

inhale

inspire

pant

puff

respire

sniffle

wheeze

catch one’s breath

fight for breath

frowned

glare

glower

grimace

pout

gloom

lower

sulk

cloud up

do a slow burn

give a dirty look

give the evil eye

knit brows

look black

look daggers

look stern

movement

act

action

change

development

evolution

exercise

flow

migration

move

operation

progress

shift

advance

agitation

alteration

swirled

boil

churn

roil

twirl

whirl

agitate

coil

crimp

crisp

curl

eddy

purl

roll

snake

surge

swoosh

whirlpool

whorl

❛     are  you  aware  of  what  you  make  me  feel  ,  baby  ?     ❜

❛     i  like  you  the  way  you  are.     ❜

❛     why’d  you  have  to  go  and  make  things  so  complicated  ?     ❜

❛     can  i  make  it  anymore  obvious  ?     ❜

❛     there  is  more  than  meets  the  eye  ,  i  see  the  soul  that  is  inside.     ❜

❛     ‘cause  nothing’s  going  right  and  everything’s  a  mess.     ❜

❛     it’s  time  now  to  turn  around  ,  turn  my  back  on  everything.     ❜

❛     no  ,  i  just  don’t  understand  why  you  won’t  talk  to  me.     ❜

❛     it  hurts  that  i’m  so  unwanted  for  nothing.     ❜

❛     i  try  to  believe  you  but  i  don’t.     ❜

❛     i’m  gonna  do  what  i  have  to  do.     ❜

❛     i’d  rather  be  anything  but  ordinary  ,  please.     ❜

❛     if  you  wanna  bring  me  down  ,  go  ahead  and  try.     ❜

❛     i’ve  never  felt  like  this  before.     ❜

❛     i  can’t  handle  this  confusion  anymore.     ❜

❛     i  feel  like  i’m  all  alone.     ❜

❛     when  i’m  alone  i  feel  so  much  better.     ❜

❛     why  did  you  have  to  go  ?     ❜

❛     did  i  not  tell  you  that  i’m  not  like  that  girl  :  the  one  who  gives  it  all  away  ?     ❜

❛     don’t  try  to  tell  me  what  to  do  !     ❜

❛     i’m  better  off  alone  anyway.     ❜

❛     was  it  something  i  said  ?  was  it  something  you  said  ?     ❜

❛     you  were  everything  that  i  wanted.     ❜

❛     so  much  for  my  happy  ending.     ❜

❛     there’s  no  point  in  thinking  about  yesterday  ,  it’s  too  late  now.     ❜

❛     i  could  swear  that  i  have  seen  your  face  before.     ❜

❛     i  don’t  wanna  talk  about  it  and  i  don’t  want  a  conversation.     ❜

❛     i  wanna  know  what  this  means.     ❜

❛     you  should  know  by  now  i  won’t  listen  to  you.     ❜

❛     i  can  tell  you  like  me  too  ,  and  you  know  i’m  right.     ❜

❛     in  a  second  you’ll  be  wrapped  around  my  finger.     ❜

❛     i  don’t  really  care  what  you  think  of  me.     ❜

❛     there’s  nothing  you  could  say  that  would  hurt  me.     ❜

❛     you  can’t  kick  me  down  ,  i’m  already  on  the  ground.     ❜

❛     i’m  the  best  damn  thing  that  your  eyes  have  ever  seen.     ❜

❛     so  what  if  i  go  out  on  a  million  dates  ?     ❜

❛     don’t  get  me  wrong  ,  i  just  need  some  time  to  play.     ❜

❛     there  isn’t  one  thing  left  you  could  say  ,  i’m  sorry  it’s  too  late.     ❜

❛     won’t  let  you  go  ,  don’t  let  me  go.     ❜

❛     i  do  what  i  want  when  i  feel  like  it.     ❜

part 2/3

“Come on, _____, you can do it.”

“Look where you came from, look at you now.”

“Amateurs can fucking suck it.”

“Fuck their wives, drink their blood.”

“You know, maybe that was, uh… a bad call by us.”

“A… lifeless exchange of value that benefits nobody, except for, um, you know, a handful of bug-eyed salamanders in Silicon Valley…”

“It isn’t sex, it’s the next best thing.”

“We’ll use emojis only.”

“Are you naked?”

“Yeah, except for a top hat.”

“I’m getting hot at just the thought of what I’d do to you.”

“Cause in my head I’m in your bed. ”

“They made the internet for nights like these.”

“Jesus fucking Christ I guess I never learn.”

“Now come out with your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded.”

“I did not realize what I did or that I’d live to regret it.”

“He’s a problem.”

“My closet is chock-full of stuff that is vaguely shitty.”

“All of it was perfectly lawful.”

“Just not very thoughtful at all and just really shitty.”

“And I’m really fucking sorry.”

“Bitch I’m trying to listen.”

“I wanted to finish this thing before I turned 30.”

“I just wanted to avoid that.”

“You radiate such youth.”

“Yaaaaaaaay.”

“I used to run for miles.”

“I used to wake up with a smile.”

“I used to be the young one.”

“When he was 27, my granddad fought in Vietnam, when I was 27 I built a birdhouse with my mom.”

“Oh, fuck.”

“I used to make fun of the boomers.”

“My stupid friends are having stupid children .”

“We’ll do one more.”

"Can you not, please?”

“And I’ll be honest with you, didn’t love that.”

"How are you feeling?”

“Nevermind, I don’t want to know.”

“I’m asking, but don’t answer because I don’t want to know.”

“Do I have your attention?”

“Are you on your phone?”

“So is this like an escape room?”

“Okay… So I can cry.”

“The music is actually nice on this.”

“I guess I’ll cry again.”

“Yeah, I’m not feeling good.”

“Wake up at 11:30 feeling like a bag of shit.”

“All my clothes are dirty so I’m smelling like a bag of shit.”

“What’s up, you useless fuck?”

“Are you feeling what I’m feeling?”

“I haven’t had a shower in the last nine days.”

Change pronouns/insert words etc. as needed

"If you say one more word about The Game, I'm going to throw up on your perfect shoes."

"Did we kill the wrong one?"

“I’m sorry my mabari ate your paintbrushes.”

"You can't do this in the royal gardens!"

"Negotiations are going poorly"

"You developed a whole new spell... for me?"

"Does he normally just lay like that without moving?"

"It's improper to be seen doing that"

"Why do you fight like you're running out of time?"

"Magic is Chaos, Art and Science. It is a curse, a blessing and a progression."

“That was my tooth! My TOOTH you nug-humping sea foam flecked bastard!”

"Nobody tell ___!"

“Why is there a dead noble in my study?”

"In the Fade, believe nothing you hear and only half that you see."

"Who will win the prestigious title of Mr./Mrs. Thedas?"

"That's a lot of blood."

"Fucking demon shit!"

"We won't be able to hide in time."

"Maker, forgive us for the dozen or so extremely annoying bastards we're about to send to your side. It's them or us. I think you'll agree we made the right choice."

“Yes, but, why are my small-clothes on the rafters?”

"This better not take long. I already tried to kill three people at this table."

"You're a heretic! You cannot say such things in a Chantry."

"Honestly? Fuck the Chantry."

"Why are we NOT killing this demon?"

“You did not just compare me to a [Thedosian animal of your choice]!”

“I accidentally punched a Templar. A few times. At least ten.”

“There’s no problem a well-aimed fireball can’t fix.”

"No! Dragon-hunting is not a way to kill time, it's a way to kill us."

"Void! Did I say that out loud?"

"Your magic makes me feel safe.”

“This deal is shadier than a Darktown whore."

taken  from  a  variety  of  british  tv  clips .   swearing ,  death  &  shooting  references  present .   please  amend  prompts  where  required !