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studentlifeproblems

#that piece of shit english professor who said i should consider a masters🤡 n even a phD #it was nOT worth it sksksksksk why did i believe u lmao

bpdtea

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#mcyikers im havin Thoughts™️ but it's not like im not tryin it's tuff when every other minute it b there ye know???#at least im in bed before midi but that increases the chance of pissnshit in the morning god ih8 that dog. it sheds mad too. not like yorko.#she got short porcupine hair that goes everywhere n it prickles my skin every lean n move n it just adds to the overall frustration n anger #bdp when i feel bad i feel it on my skin n then who knows what de excema sched is like fuck man #i been tryna be good extra cos it's Her day ye know n i dont want to cause bad feels so as always i just...die here when i cant take it🤡#n it's so dumb i felt pathetic takin that bday video lmao. really doin the most for someone who going to paris with someone else after i #was rejected for bringing it up?? n she try to say 'i didnt say that or mean--' but like lmao i rememver what hurts me thats not a choice i #remember when how exactly because im forced to relive it like that can keep me in check. n it adds up and up n i wonder how long i can stand #it for n i hate myself for taking it. first it was a no on paris 'ive been there already there's nothing to see' like..ok i havent been n #it's meant to be romantic since...ye know we're supposedly together ok. then she goes to marseille n that--always always makes me sick i #i hate franxe to an exponential villanous level i want it to burn literally idx #n i remember walkin in the london rain near midnight n she call me n asked if she should go to M after i made the shameful effort to be #honest abt why that would terribly terribly hurt me. how i crossed the ocean n all that effort n resources for her first. n id like it to be #equal. n she makes all these excuses abt how france is not international like lmao bitch it's literally another country n separated by water #n she ask me you know like she's giving me the option to be a piece of shit more than the usual n be That Guy™️ or leave it up to her. n of #course even tho i feel shit like im not worth anything a part of me hoped id be worth it. to not go n wait to go to me n not hurt me. but of #course we know how that went. i tried to be good leading up to it but the only good i felt was slitting my wrists open for relief because it #was just so bad on the inside. n like..of course now this. n she says something like oh i dont have a choice.? u do tho. u just dont want to #'its all paid for already' lmao ok but when i try to do a surprise trip u say no. when i work hard to tet that money. no. 'i h8 surprises'#but you let someone else do it for you? and you keep saying i woulf like this friend n you want us to meet blahblah anf you expect me to #ever be okay with him when he's already taken an experience i wished for us to have first? like idgaf if he's gay thats just something to #soften the blow. u can run someone over 25mph instead of 50mph n they still need the hospital lmao??? like what??? sickening dude i hate it #i hate me for stickinh around cos yeah even if im crazy n overreacting which isnt an accurate word it's not an act it's a reaction it's a #feeling it's unbearable hurt. it's real it's so real n i dont think anyone who loves anybody would let that happen like is that a high #standard? is that too much to ask lmao. n i h8 'moving on' from it cos I don't but she gets to have that delusion that it's okay n she can b #cute n ask for dog videos or ask me to do this or that like...makes me ill. being taken for granted lmao dennis u really lived like dis.#it piles up. how i been hurt in what way when how often. how hard is it to Not. you cant go back in time so just? dont do it??? ill have to #live with it and she thinks its fine n okay n thats not fair n i h8 myself for even having self therapy here 'do it n ask forgiveness later'#thats sick. makes me nauseous genuinely at the pit of my stomach makes my skin crawl i have other things i need to do than be hurt by someon #who forgets and repeats over and over. i just hope my mom doesnt ig stalk n ask me Q's again im gonns lose it

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#man been a while since I've been here im too ashamed to see when n what about. just....sksksk 👌🏼#idk why but my hands do that n not in a good context. just. frustrating to the point of tears ye know like yikes just hate it #my bday was decent okay let me preface this. ignoring how the bar was low n all. wished she could've been there but of course not #so I spend it with my remaining family ye know me mum n yorko we go to the beach I feel bad for the money wasted #especially since we didn't even go in the water like wtf but the view was nice n the scent of the sea just does something bittersweet #n I miss my dad n I hate myself for a lot of things blahblah im behind im stupid inefficient ugly blahblah the usual truths #but hey like I got a parcel tho a year late! n I got a gift but it was a sock rip n that really...idk I always complain I hate socks so it #just confirms she wasn't paying attention to what I say meaning she doesn't even really know me or what matters or what hurts me because #lmao it's happening again ye know. like ye I get that. I can't be there rn. other ppl can be. but like...family..not...other people ye know #n ive been hearing so much French lately lmao it's on my TikTok it's been building up the last few weeks n then today I realised #beyond high school n character work it reminds me of Marseille n like...what that meant n what it implied. n whenever Something happens it #is analysed and sorted into categories. later to be used as reference points to see if there is a pattern that's just how my brain works.#that is honestly how I assume a proper brain works. human brain n cognition ye know so...like everytime she chooses her friends..especially #on important days n moments...I just get...idk dizzy with it flooding back. because when something happens--a choice n action after another #it is sorted into a category and it REINFORCES that category and what it means how it hurts you know??? so like...lmao #and she was like we'll binge this series on my bday--but then of course...she won't even be home on the day...ye know with her own family #she won't even be back on the night llMAO in fact they're gonna travel somewhere nice n fun the same way we never had all surprise n nice #when we could have you know? we could have. can't use the pandemic as an excuse honestly. before that. I relive it all. how I felt in #London how ugly and ashamed I was. it meant so much to me. n it was so awkward and so...idk lmao #how you have cutesy moments n gifts like that with your friends n not with me like I just! burn and I just want to skin myself alive fr n #this dum dog isn't helping things god I hate her so much especially when everyone has the luxury of doing so cos they only see the cute n #dont have to deal with the goddam bad. just because you're fucking cute or attractive doesn't mean you should get away with shit idfc #n high key i...am waiting for my mom to leave for work so I can cry and cry n maybe do some self harm to get some release like??? my chest #is so tight I nearly can't breathe without my eyes watering more n more like I scratch my neck n I keep sinking my nails deeper like sksksk #so anyway...usps amirite...sorry dad idk im becoming like you in ways you specifically didn't want me to be #im...an ugle man who wants things n feels like shit all the time unworthy n not enough never enough idk how u made it that long #selfishly I wish ye made it longer because I miss ye. but I also wish you saw how bad she feels having taken you for granted n suffering #but that wouldn't have made up for it all these years huh. I know it plainly now how you wish to have gone far earlier.#you were just too ethnic n didn't believe in being weak like that. but I guess that's the difference between us I spent half my life here #seeing all the people who couldn't take it anymore and partially envying them instead of berating

15

#entry #NEED TO VENT #BRUH #April is a shit month for real lmao #so not only is it my dad's death anniversary soon #my essays aren't done #my internship isn't done #the new dog is a demon #and yorko is cursed #and I have to do laundry at ass o'clock like...#n I feel bad that she's suffering on my essay but like ??? I warned ye weeks ago bud???#n I remember she was not so jokingly jokingly all like IF YE GON PAY ME WHERE IS IT THEN n im like...#I didn't wanna pay you first unless I got it because then it would be more awkward that I DID #and you can't get it done for the usual reasons of no motivation I forgot I got depressed sorry #n by then not only would I have lost money and be disappointed in ye id also have a SHIT GRADE #n then she got mad the other day that the essay was actually due a day later #like..dude...imagine if it wasn't??? she didn't even give me the essay yesterday??? the one she said she would #and like I get having no motivation n being dead inside plus concentration issues that's literally me on THE MONTH #AND NO ANTIDEPRESSANTS Like. idk I chose to trust her because I wanted to see that she could be reliable ig #and of course with money AND grades on the line I thought yeah sure maybe she'll be extra motivated #but like...literally no? if she said no to begin with all those weeks ago I'd have taken a few days to force myself to do it #and I wouldn't have gotten a dog lmao like??? I hate myself for trusting people and that things are going to be Okay #like yeah mega my fault for being incapable of something. n then asking for help n trusting that's gonna go well lmao #and im like keeping my disappointment n sadness at bay cos like... she couldn't even do this when I got the courage to ask for it n THEN #back it up with money. I know it's not a subject she studied but I really felt like I gave her enough time and stuff?#like if it was her other friends would she have done it on time? would that be because I could be taken for granted more n seen as forgivin #n I really thought yorkie was lonely but it's not going great and im so so worried about him that's really the final straw im cryin #I love him so much idk what to do I gotta move some stuff around I only got 200 left in credit n if emrys cost 500 yorko gon be more fr #dude fuck I gotta do laundry lmao kms

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#i dont feel so good #idk #beyond blandness n discouragement #n inadequacy #i miss my dad #n i hate myself #so #dk #urge to peel my skin off creeping in #entry #5 march 2022 #3am

nflstreet

americans be like “oh i love that commercial”

#ok sue me for the weird incestuous coffee comercial #i mean it was sweet and innocent #but also...#sus👀#q

girlmostlikely

whitepeopletwitter

bogleech

Some notes don’t get it… Yes that is literally what it is, the idea that working less is just morally wrong.

anarchistmemedistro

#.....berkeley flashbacnsfmmddmd #acadmeix flashbacks actually i hste it

throwbackblr

#skskskskskskksks💀💀💀

•18+ Adults Only

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

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bpdtea

.

#1 jan 2022 #meh. not that i expected something nice to happen #though it did on theory? she was sweet n told me abt her ny resolution to keep promises n to be a better gf #n i was very taken like some loser n managed not to complain that the review was promised in the summer then christmas #n then rip...she...yknow...fell asleep. more than once #which beyond my pain is like...concerning #sand #got papers due n all i am is hashtag notintoit lmao not like i can properly start with #all the things bothering me rip. yorko played hard to get with his food today i cooked him fresh salmon #mixed it with dry food n rice n i was very offended but like...concerned #got that from his mum i suppose #she wouldnt even open the gift that i made the extra effort to make sure would get to her on time #so im just like...that 5lisa layer jpeg #anyway yorko finally guilted me to bed cos he know hr get a treat but its runnin out n i gave him the last one today #last time he just came in the room n ate his treat n i went to the bathroom to do night routine n he came down from the bed #n stood by the door askin to leave like dam bitch i felt so used lmao ok #been lookin at dogs on the pound website cos ig i h8myself #some of them look so old n sad n abused or a combination of all of those #sometimes i see a conseutive post of puppies clearly from the same litter n it makes me mad like...if yer gonna have the puppies abandoned #why??? would you not get ye dogs snipped then??? skslsl wack yorkie just jumped off my bed again im extra depressed #fuk u bitch u got me in bed i aint gettin up suffer on the floor then enjoy it with your short legs crackhead

tradgothwillbyers

Y'all ever just suddenly have the overwhelming urge to swim??? Like not actively but you just wanna,,, be in the water and have some Peace

pissbataille

hannibal + banned tumblr tags (inspired by) more memes

#they were livin their best life dam

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#i dont even know what i can write here anymore considering there's been word bans or smth here idk #but it's just...idk. meh. but also...? utterly depressing in a yikes way idk #i just feel somewhat pointless-which is fine? but there are some that claim otherwise n thats what confuses #like the whole anya thing ye that made me feel shit but in a bigger way reminds me of marseille whoch makes me feel extra bad #and like in a relationship communication should be free but like a part of me is just like...whats the point you know #she knew marseille would upset me and she did it anyway et al repeat rinse stain doesn't come out not really #and like it just piles up until i just feel like an overyly stained shirt that you cant even fonate cos thats just embarrassing just use it #as a rag before you throw it away like??? idk man. weird. i like to think im compromising well n doing my part in this relationship?#or am i like...braindiseased??? why does it feel so unequal. and at this point to be honest n communicate feels pointless because it #happens again and again the same things. i like to think im compromising n not botherinh n keeping quiet n givin her an out everytime #whether it be the constant promises n forgettin n the 👉🏽👈🏽 dum cute shit n the tomorrow n the soon n the im tired sorry ilu #like idk it feels dum to even write about this or feeling hurt and for granted or like used in some way but like lmao i think of my dad #n im like...man how he stand it. n then i remember...did he tho...#4 xmases in a row utter shit. bdays arent even decent anymore. like how can i even appreciate survivin another year when??? same shit.#all words no action. n like even my brain taunts me like why do u bother complaining or writing when u wont do anything abt it nothing chang #ig i always thought i was already at peace with my...lack of worth a long time ago? but then ig ye know 2017 came along n gave me #false hopes ig n then i been constantly dealing with the high n the reality of the crash back down to 'look this is what we worth.deal w it'#rain alot lately. even yorko dont wanna go out. his groomin cost money n it nice but rain... cats r still mean to him. makes me very sad but #as much as i want to it's not fair. ill just feel like an extra single parent again with double the cost n bitterness ig #writing is hard. so much to write n so many different ways. so lil time n braincells. hate academia loomin in the distance #i wish i was a better person ye know. in all kinds of ways. which technically means i wish i was someone else #lmao all this to realise it really boils down to i hate myself ok dam #ddkdkskak forgot abt the duolingo owl. anyway doubt anything will change as always. i expect more pain which as ive learnt over the last fø #4 yrs doesn't exactly mean im well prepared for it. wack. new years eve tomorrow. probably gonna be worse again. she gon be busy like these #last few days lmao god it keeps taunting me n im just tryin to deal with it n shut it out n it takes a toll i just want to forget or cut #watwver it takes man idk. my sleepin sched movin again i dont like it. dont matter ig. yorko gotta pee so i gotta wake n walk in the rain #thats just whst you do when you love ig. is that like? me being too much again or is that how it's supposed to be? i dont feel like im #getting the latter as much as i practice it. but it comes naturally? to me at least idk why do i exist lmao vom #meh 6k due in a few days. sand. uglie. think my friend got covid but thats what she gets for havin a social husband n simpin #if she was stronger n put her foot down n wasnt simpin like me she be fine but alas we peas in a pod

anxietyproblem

#q

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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drakomalfoyyy-deactivated202006

if i don’t talk to myself who will

#q

bpdtea

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#dam. haven't cried this much in less than 24hrs for a while #took an antidepresso. hope that works ig. though i know it dont work like that #entry

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