casually obsessed

I just keep fucking up. I don't deserve to celebrate my birthday I deserve to hurt

if i can't make him happy I don't deserve him

currently in the city c lives. constantly looking over my shoulder

I moved my playlist of songs that remind me of c to yt music bc they're great songs to sing/scream while driving but oh boy. it's making me want to try to make contact again even tho it won't change or fix anything. he won't respond. I know this. but fuck I miss him in my life. maybe I just need a new friend to fill the void outside of jk. I don't want to put all my needs on him but I also feel guilty abt saying that. ughhhh

you got the life you always wanted, please don't leave me behind. quite some time has passed, it fell right through my fingertips

guess I'm not fucking good enough today. great.

you think I'd be stronger considering how many people's memories I drag behind me. people who are strangers to me now

idk why but I checked messenger and c unblocked me there? I was blocked the other day?? I'm still blocked on fb itself tho. wtf does this mean?

my brain has been plagued w thoughts of c ever since that super vivid dream a few weeks back. i reached out to him on snapchat bc that's the only username i know and he still has me blocked on fb. but who knows if he'll even see it