First we feast, then we felony!

i told my dad the joke “dad jokes are just mom jokes that a man repeated louder” and he thought it was hilarious. he turned to my mother, intending to relay the joke to her, and a bare second after he opened his mouth i watched it dawn on his face that he was about to become the subject of the joke. when i tell you that man was slackjawed as he turned back to me, like he had an entire life altering realization in the span of about 20 seconds.

You can’t be in a band for 40 years and not have frotted or jerked each other off at least once, it just don’t work like that

Literally the definition of imperialism and classism. Doesn’t matter how many peasants you sacrifice as long as the most powerful piece is left standing

Proximity of bishops to the rulers promotes theocratic oppression

the horse is so fuckable

i've searched every combination of words imaginable and i still can't find that gif of the german star trek parody where gay spock is quickly drinking coffee and smoking freaking out PLEASE send it to me i need it urgently