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E-mail submission from Jeff: “at the uconn tailgate before the game vs Louisville.. leggo”

I want to start out by saying I know this is unreasonably long, but passion shouldn’t have a page limit, so without further adieu:

In the words of Rick Perry “Bitch I’m back on my grizzy young money where you at?” Been out the game for a second, but having recovered from my unreasonable Turkey (and Mayonnaise ((Mayonaise should always be capitalized))) consumption yesterday we’re gonna just keep chugging right a long and this is a great way to get the ball rolling. I think the best way to preface this would be by elaborating on a story I mentioned earlier via tweet:

So, it’s thanksgiving yesterday. I’m chilling. Hard. Like rippin butts in my mom’s Honda type hard. Anyway, I’m up at the buffet line for my eighth helping of turkey, rocking a cardigan and I’m staring at the gravy boat trying to decide whether putting gravy on top of mayo would be a good idea (YES). Out of no where my uncle (he owns a chain of shit hole mexican restaurants in Des Moines) who I ALWAYS try to avoid, is on top of me like a fucking ninja. I already know whats coming and to make matters worse I can tell he’s eyeing my mayo-gravy combo like I’m some kind of weirdo. Like cool dude, you make shitty cat burritos for a living. Sorry, so he asks me all the dumb questions “What’s your major?” “Do you like your classes?” “Are you circumcised?” and then he drops the bad one: “so what are you going to do after school? Thought about it yet? It’s really coming up fast!!??!!??” Well, I knew there was only one thing to do. I put down my plate, pulled out my waist, let  a freshly opened MGD 64 go straight down my pants and then immediately played dead–face first into the the mashed sweet potatoes.

So, at this point many of you may be wondering how this has anything to do with our friend Jeff up here and his video. Well, this is how: this video is a metaphor for all of us and the lives we have ahead of us. The video starts and he wants to pour beer in his pants; you can tell he’s committed, but also a little apprehensive. Luckily for Jeff he immediately succumbs to peer pressure and gets up on that table. And once you see him start pouring that keystone out you can just see his confidence growing with every second, until that last drop hits the ground, and at that moment, he’s a man. 

Listen uncle Erin, I don’t have any fucking idea what I am going to do after college, but I will tell you one thing, I will always, ALWAYS, count on my friends to peer pressure me into pouring beer in my pants on a table on a beautiful fall day at a tailgate before a football game. AND there’s a good chance I will also let them peer pressure me into Nickelback concert.

I started with a quote and think it makes sense to end with one:

“Life is a game of inches”- The lead singer of Cold Play

There's something so hot about seeing a bro get a wedgie while wearing boxers. Boxer shorts are the ''cool guy's underwear, and guys who wear them don't fit the stereotype of a wedgie boy.

Yet there they are, with their undies ripped and lodged up their backside.