Hunter

I am not gonna search for you anymore.

I am gonna take this lightly.

I am gonna take this freely.

It's a recurrent feeling that always comes. Even in situations that were once thought of being the good scenario. The reason is the drive buried just under the skin... something I had lost. To change, this time, means to let go of some necessary things to give up space for the things that will soon come.

I had learned to locate my intuition and have felt it's power. Now, it's telling me it's time.

As clues, I only had the symptoms. As motivation, I only had the goal. Before, everything I would do had some preparation, with enough room to improvise without loosing control and still having the adrenaline of outdoing myself. The lessons I've learned were not isolated parts of the persona, but fragments that, together, becomes the big, ever growing, person and personality. To be sure of the goal, visualize the path that is not completely clear and do the once thought impossible achievement is the next step.

It's been a long time seeking The Missing Piece. It's hard to acquire something you don't know what it is, but, somehow had it deep within you for most of your life.

The challenge proves to be the transition between dream and reality: to dream of a road and then making it reality and walking on it.

It wasn't always that challenging. We lived times when we had a dream and there was no fear of any kind holding us back. But then, one day, I couldn't meet one goal and the rest of my life got stuck. 

Now, years later, I seem to be finding the ways of making dreams happen again, but I struggle like a baby learning to walk. I have seen failure, danced with it, slept with it and lived the life it wanted me to live. All of this to come to the realization that I cannot stop doing and, for that, I cannot stop dreaming. 

And we're back to that place again. Much has happened and now we're wiser than before, but, what is the worth of such wisdom if I don't apply it?

It seems like an easy choice: to do or not to do. The problem is, however, on the weight it charges.

Do I want to spend so long on something that has given me nothing since I first started it?

It all starts with a choice. To put yourself first or to prioritize someone or something else, you must look into a mirror and say "yes" or "this can wait".

You wear me down. You take me off. You use me as an excuse for your failures, saying that I’m your holy saint who will bring salvation down upon you. I will bring the salvation you seek, but I can’t say it will be for you.

I've met with evil today, for the first time.

For the first time, I felt how it is like to do something bad, even if this something is for a good cause.

The consequences can only be predicted. No certain future lies for me ahead.

I could fail. I could succeed. No matter the outcome, someone's gonna get badly hurt.

Have I done the right thing? Or have I doomed myself again?

To reach the top of the hill requires great sacrifice.

It requires the will to do whatever it takes, to trust on yourself enough to let go of the past and live the present while thinking of the future.

To reach the top of the hill requires skill and knowledge.

It requires you to better yourself. Money can only get you so far. What makes the top of the hill worth the climb is how well you can maintain yourself in constant upgrade mode. 

I once thought I had reached the top of the hill.

I could see the other hills I could climb, but kept on slipping every time I tried to.

I was never at the top of this hill.

In...

Get knowledge from your surroundings. Take in all it’s little details and will. Mega perspective.

Out...

Let the noise out. Don’t accumulate. Out is a slow lane, but cleaning is good for thought.

In...

Get a cleaner version. More real. More useful.

Out...

Let the weakness out. Let the strength in. 

It disguises itself of many things. Sometimes, it's an eccentric desire, in other occasions, it's the person we care about the most. It is whatever get's to our core without many efforts. Comfort's sole purpose is to destroy the remarkable spirit that makes the impossible happen. “You're nothing. Everything you do means nothing to the world. Why would you even leave home?” 

Preparation and strategy, my friend, is everything in this wilderness.