To qualify as an “ Arthur Kirkland variant” one must be: a significant figure with an impact of questionable benefit/harm on british history and society and/or embody the upperclass character of spurious moral superiority and offhand cruelty.

Each man in order starting from the top left going clockwise:

Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington: Remembered for his victory over napoleon bonaparte at the battle of waterloo which effectively ended the napoleonic wars, the duke of wellington represents the conservatism and sense of triumph that would characterize the rest of england’s victorian century. He served as prime minister for a period after the wars but was ineffective and unpopular in this role. Arthur would’ve idolized him as a war hero and a champion of stability. If it weren’t for dignified and sensible gentlemen like the duke of wellington, the peace and safety of arthur’s island would’ve been compromised by the unstable forces of europe…

John, King of England: Remembered as one of the worst kings of england. The revolt of the barons against his arbitrary and unchecked exercise of power led to the creation of the magna carta. Becoming widely hated and having your underlings try to revolt against your authority is a theme arthur would become very familiar with personally in the latter centuries as an empire…

T. E. Lawrence “Lawrence of Arabia”: An officer of the british imperial state. besides being notably involved in the arab revolt, he’s fondly remembered for his “love” of the local arab “boys” (ie., being an abusive creepy sex tourist), and for fantasizing about “punishments” from his “uncle”. A pervert, imperialist, and white savior, which is the best way to also summarize arthur kirkland. They both hated france too.

Jeremy Bentham: A philosopher known for his theories on utilitarianism, and quite a quirky and interesting guy. If you aren’t familiar with this name, you probably know about his most famous idea, the panopticon! The concept of having the omnipotent authority of the panopticon is something arthur fantasizes about — it is part of british culture to live as though you’re a prisoner and to vindictively monitor your fellow citizens through the lens of the police state! Also, the photo of jeremy bentham used in this collage is the mummified remains of his head! Before his death, bentham expressed his wish to let his remains be preserved an on display at the UCL. He might have had a desire to let his body be of intellectual use, which was in line with his utilitarian beliefs. I like this photo, though, because i like the concept of being grotesquely immortal, i think it’s a quality he and arthur share. 

Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor: A modern royal and alleged p-dophile r-pist. He’s on this list as a joke because… this is a really dark individual. Well this whole list is a joke, but i craved the opportunity to use this specific photo of him because this genre of photos of “being caught in a scandalous predicament in a car” have deep arthur kirkland energy. Anyway, in 2001, andrew mountbatten-windsor was given a Special Boy made up job by the british government to act as a trade envoy and travel around the world to promote british exports. which sounds like the kind of useless government job that arthur would do. isn’t arthur is a lot like a modern royal? Useless and just there as a public leech? Beloved by a powerful contingent of society and despised by many others..? 

Rudyard Kipling: Author of Much Beloved works such as The Jungle Book, “If,” and “The White Man’s Burden.” His poetry and storytelling articulated a romantic vision of the British Empire. He essentially promoted an expansive, larger than life national entity that was meant to inspire a larger than life level of patriotism. And to achieve such a scale of patriotism, as we have learnt from the rest of the 20th century up to our present day, would “regrettably” require racial hierarchy and war — this was the “white man’s burden.” I think his writing has shaped the narrative of English identity, and it’s an ugly yet inescapable aspect of the national culture that Arthur represents. 

Thomas Hobbes: The political philosopher who wrote a cute and fun book called Leviathan! You probably know of the description of“solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short” being applied to describe Arthur — this comes from Leviathan! It’s originally used to describe the state of humanity without a centralized authority. Hobbes’s philosophical account of the state of mankind can be described as cynical. But, having lived through the societal breakdown of the English Civil War, Hobbes sought to articulate a theory that would offer functionality and sense for his society. Many hetalia nation-personifications live through civil wars, which are certainly traumatic and formative experiences for them. And I think Hobbes’s theory is a good representation of something England learnt about himself after the English Civil War. Also, i’ve seen previous hetalia meta writers use the “leviathan” theory to describe the ontology of hetalia nation personifications. I think that being a “leviathan” is something arthur aspired to be — somebody with the power to maintain stability against the threat of chaos of the outside world.

reference pics from photos i took!