BotanyBotches

Customer: Do you have a lemon veranda?

Employee: Lemon verbena?

Customer: I'm looking for a plant...I think it's called buggle-something?

Me: Bugle? Like bugleweed?

C: No, I don't think so. It has chocolate in the name. It has dark leaves.

M: Bugleweed has purplish leaves and there's a variety called 'Chocolate Chip.' It's a groundcover.

C: No, this is really big. It has lots of leaves shaped like this (makes the shape of a hosta with his hands), and then it has a flower spike of lavender flowers.

M: I can't think of anything with hosta leaves that--

C: --It doesn't look anything like a hosta! It has lacy leaves.

M: Oh. Right. Sounds more like an Actea to me.

C: No, it's definitely starts with buggle-something.

M: How about you google it with your iPhone?

Employee: Daffodils are another great option for spring color.

Customer: They sure are. Do you have anything else?

E: Well, you could always do tulips.

Customer: I'm looking for this plant.

(Holds out piece of paper, upon which is written "PHLGA")

Me: Uh, that's a lot of consonants.

C: It's pronounced "FLOO-GAH," I think.

M: I've never heard of it. Is it a shrub?

C: Sort of. I call it the Cousin It plant, cause it looks like Cousin It.

M: Okayyy... (Espies fellow employee.) Hey ____, can you think of a shrub that looks like Cousin It?

C: I have the name written down here.

Employee: Ful...guh?

C: It's also called a whipcord.

Customer: Do you have chlamydia?

Employee: What?

C: Chlamydia? I think it's a vine.

E: Clematis?

Customer: Do you have warts?

Me: (not sure whether to be offended) ...uh...

C: I think my landscaper said St. John's?