I've had tumblr for over 10 years, this is crazy. I used to use this as my diary and you know, sometimes you just need to reach out to nothingness where you wont offend anyone who knows you with the personal thoughts you want to share.
I just have this immense self reflection and awareness. I'm not trying to sound like a conceited person. I've always been the odd one out in my friends because of this, always wanting to have fun in different ways. I really thought as I grew older my place in friend groups would become normal and I'd find my people, and I thought I had. I've been left out of friend groups on purpose and have made friend groups. But the sad thing is I ALWAYS give my ALL to my friends. And I always thought that was good even if they didn't give it back because I was a good person.
but you know what ? That's done. I'm done sharing my thoughts and my reactions to people who do not care, and sadly I realized this to some of my closest friends. I recently took a huge exam and no one cared, and you know what the previous week I spent hours on the phone who was literally crying over a MALE who did not give two shits about her from the start, and she knew that.
my other friend came to the state I live in and didn't even tell me.
i love being self aware and understanding the world and science for what it is but its extremely isolating. my passion consumes me and I just want someone that doesn't get annoyed and actually responds. I don't know if I'll ever find that.
I feel like lonely boy from gossip girl LOL
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pixelskylines
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