On annual leave and the first things I do are watch a video about limerence and romantic obsession and then read a philosophy paper about the phenomenology of agoraphobia (yes another one), I’m trying to look after myself this holiday and it’s already going well - Inshallah this continues!

Finished the fourth iteration of a 5 day experiment, involved working throughout the weekend and bank holiday so now I’m taking a day off tomorrow at my parents house. With my parents now and they are watching this very weird Turkish film set in the city about some guy called Aziz lol.

Honestly staring out of the window as the uber drives from Whitechapel to north London is such a vibe, weird feelings of anticipation/yearning I only felt at age 24, I get to access through this window only. Then it’s back to stoic lab dungeon life.

I’m so glad I didn’t give up on this Rachel Cusk book “saving Agnes” just because it was so anglo lol. I am still not that invested in Agnes as a character but I’m enjoying the story and the writing.

New guy moved into the flat on Wednesday. Extremely talkative/friendly guy from Scotland. I’ve been working everyday since last week including the weekend and bank holiday but we have been chatting pretty much every evening since he moved here and last night he asked to see my room and then we ended up chatting till quite late on my balcony. The vibes got so strange as though we were both drunk so we barely spoke to eachother today, although he texted me to show me some art by a Turkish woman artist he saw at the tate modern.

I had a romantic dream about one of my best friends which was strange because I don’t feel romantic about her as such in real life but in my dream the atmosphere was very romantic and even quite sexy lol. All that happened was we walked to the beach side by side with our arms touching or maybe I had my arm around her shoulders at some point, and then we lay down next to each other by the sea. Nothing sexual happened in the dream but I woke up feeling a bit crush like about my friend lol.

what even is my life at this point I’m just a girl that works and works