the way i feel about retirement is similar to how suicidal teenagers feel about getting to 25

when you’re having a laugh with your dad but then you suddenly remember that he’s going to hell

topical

oh my god hamlet

im glad we're in the internet backwaters i think if dove chocolate or something replied to my post i would just keep reporting them for terorism again and again and again

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

lesbian scifi is so easy. here’s a woman in cargo pants and a tank top on a spaceship. are you with me

maybe it’s not even cargo pants. maybe it’s coveralls rolled to + tied around the waist. maybe she even has fuckoff boots

Look I think it is commendable to write a book. That takes work no matter what. But man are there some bad ones out there.

wait i just found out you can be nice to people and be their friend i thought we had to kill them all cause i was raised in a lab to be a living weapon