go bobcats !

MUSES: Calvin & Charlotte Becker, as inspired by JATP

RULES & ABOUT: Here

SIDEBLOG OF: @kindofvertigo​

Their father, Benjamin Becker isn’t built to deal with people. He’s introverted and reclusive. His creativity thrives off of solitude. He does his best work when he’s lost in his own head. He is a successful visual artist. An art school drop-out. He is hated, but reluctantly respected, by his peers. You can’t say his work isn’t objectively good, which is the only reason he’s had any success. Otherwise he’s extremely difficult and frustrating to work with, but reliable. He felt that the structure and responsibility of family was too much & that it stifled his creativity.

Charlie gets her spontaneity/impulsiveness from him. And the way she feels suffocated by structure. Like her father, she is extremely fearful of boredom and lack of creativity. They also share intense & highly changeable emotions. She has a hard time seeing the nuance of emotional situations -- she usually sees things as either positive or negative with not a lot of gray area. The emotion she struggles the most with is anger. Because her emotions are so intense and change so often, she has a hard time trusting herself and the way she feels. This distrust, along with her father leaving, leads to extreme uncertainty in her relationships.

Charlie worries about becoming too detached from herself. Her self image fluctuates and is uneasy. Confining to structure or putting labels on herself makes her nervous. In order to curb her anxieties, she is always trying to break boundaries and take risks. This behavior gives her a sense of freedom. She needs to lose control in order to be in control.

Cal gets his introverted nature from his father. And the way he gets lost in his work. Like his father, he is very blunt. Ben is the type of person who doesn’t see the point in not being honest with people, even if the truth is hurtful or mean. It’s something he can be annoyingly pretentious about & he thinks people who can’t say mean things are weak. Cal isn’t quite as terrible. He can easily say things that are hard for people to hear. He can be biting and sarcastic and impatient -- but he will avoid saying something intentionally harmful if he can.

both of their outer layers work to some degree as defense mechanisms. alex doesn’t want to risk getting on anyone’s bad side & he feels safe knowing that he is liked. cal doesn’t want to risk letting people in & he minimizes the risk of ruining relationships by limiting the amount he has.

not to say alex won’t be rude or curt to a stranger under the right circumstances, or that he won’t be polite and warm to his friends. also not to say cal won’t be kind or polite to a stranger, or that he won’t be distant or cold to his friends.

said: ❛ you’re kind of ruining this for me. ❜

          Cal was usually extremely skilled in the art of minding his own business. Not to sound like a total boomer -- but in a world where privacy basically didn’t exist, and nearly everyone was to some degree connected to everyone else online, he prided himself in that talent. Unfortunately for him, when it came to the people he cared about, he had a harder time staying out of it. And he cared about Julie. The two of them weren’t super close, but there probably wasn’t a student at LFHS that Cal had more genuine respect for. Even then, he might have been able to keep himself from getting involved if he didn’t think being able to see and hear and talk to a ghost was such a rarity.

          Cal had a patented frown for when his threshold for illogical arguments was reached. Annoyance or frustration would have taken more effort than they were worth; his expression was simply unimpressed.

said: ❛ can we focus on me for a second please ? ❜

          “Are those lyrics for DC’s next song?” Cal asked with an annoying amount of feigned ignorance. “Because -- no offense, K -- sounds a little derivative.” He held his phone up to take a pic of the sign that indicated they were at the Los Angeles Museum of Contemporary Art, sent it off to his story, and then gave Kayla his full attention, per her request.

          More often than not, when the two of them were together, it was because Kayla was dragging him somewhere -- which he didn’t mind nearly as much as he claimed to; otherwise it wouldn’t keep happening. But today, Cal was doing the dragging. There was a crazy cool performance art exhibit happening that weekend that he thought Kayla would particularly appreciate. Performance art was only something Cal was into if it included an interesting enough auditory element-- and this piece was supposed to have that -- but what was also cool about this performance was that it was all dance.

          Of course, part of Kayla agreeing to come was Cal agreeing to take perfectly paradoxical posed candids of her looking amazing while exposing herself to the LA art scene.

         her  free  time  is  rarely  spent  anywhere  else  other  than  her  mother’s  studio  .  every  now  &  then  ,  she'll  need  a  little  help  to  unglue  herself  from  the  piano  bench  &  live  outside  her  self  made  world  ,  outside  soft  melodies  &  music  sheets  —–  at  least  she  got  to  pick  the  next  best  thing  .  carlos  was  not  exactly  having  a  streak  of  brilliant  ideas  about  what  they  should  do  today  .  he  only  knew  that  he  was  bored  &  she  was  supposed  to  watch  him  .  so  she’d  broken  out  her  skates  ,  their  white  color  barely  visible  anymore  underneath  doodles  &  stickers  .  no  activity  better  to  use  up  his  energy  &  knock  him  out  before  dinner  than  this  ,  if  you  ask  her

         her  brother  didn’t  take  long  to  leave  her  side  ,  probably  too  excited  about  the  rink  to  even  hear  her  telling  him  to  be  careful  .  she’d  chosen  the  margins  of  the  rink  ,  making  it  easier  on  herself  to  keep  an  eye  on  carlos  .  she  became  more  than  decent  at  making  the  rink  her  own  ;  practice  makes  almost  perfect  in  her  case  .  because  she  clearly  doesn’t  have  the  grace  of  the  girl  so  smoothly  sliding  in  front  of  her  now  ,  obstructing  the  amusing  view  of  cal’s  fall  .  “  shouldn’t  you  be  giving  your  brother  a  hand  ?  “  a  laugh  follows  but  small  hand falls  into  charlie’s  own  regardless  ,  almost  anticipating  the  answer  .

          “Hmmmm.” Charlie’s lips pursed in thought -- just for show, though, because it couldn’t have been more obvious that she was on the wrong side of Julie’s proposed moral dilemma. “No -- don’t think so.” She smiled, because Julie knew that was what she was gonna say. “The boy’s gotta learn the hard way that his ass belongs above his feet and not the other way around.” She matched Julie’s laugh and squeezed her hands. “A lesson you've clearly already mastered.”

          When Charlie looked down at Julie’s feet to see just how impressive her technique was, she noticed that her skates were covered in drawings just like the sneakers she sometimes wore to school. “Those are so dope!” She let go of Julie’s hands and continued to skate from a squatted position next to her to get a better view -- but only for a few seconds before she weaved out of the way of another skater and reappeared at Julie’s other side.

          There was so much to Julie for Charlie to be endlessly impressed by.

         she  knows  this  type  of  gatherings  aren’t  usually  his  scene  .  she  had  spent  most  of  the  night  away  from  sight  &  hadn’t  yet  found  a  spare  minute  to  check  up  on  him  ,  see  how  he’s  holding  up  in  the  crowd  of  mostly  boozy  teen  angst  instigators  .  if  flynn  were  here  ,  maybe  tonight  would’ve  ended  differently  .  she  would’ve  most  definitely  been  her  shield  against  this  type  of  stunt  .  but  ,  oh  well  .  she  had  half  a  mind  not  to  show  up  .  family  obligations  or  not  ,  it  was  the  wiser  choice  .

        she  can’t  help  a  snort  at  the  mention  of  charlie’s  clothes  taking  up  most  of  his  trunk  .  that  sounds  about  right  .  “  alright  —  “  she  doesn’t  take  much  more  convincing  .  it’s  not  like  she’s  enjoying  wet  &  sticky  fabric  clinging  to  her  skin  .  so  she  gets  up  ,  dusts  herself  off  &  looks  his  way  with  nothing  but  gratitude  .  “  i’ll  take  a  dry  shirt  &  you  can  walk  me  home  .  thanks  .  “  she’ll  take  a  wild  guess  &  say  they’re  both  in  dire  need  of  some  fresh  air  ,  anyway  .  “  sorry  i  didn’t  come  find  you  ,  by  the  way  —  i  was  gonna’  but  i  kinda’  wanted  as  few  people  as  possible  to  see  me  .  “  they  were  probably  hiding  in  different  corners  of  the  house  .  “  i  swear  i’m  fun  at  parties  .  “  quiet  chuckle  follows  .  “  just  not  carrie’s  these  days  .  “

          A rare, enthused smile, sprung onto Cal’s face when Julie finally agreed to ditch. He hopped onto his feet, eager to escape the melancholy atmosphere of the low-lit poolside, and held his hands out to help pull her up with him. Talking to Julie was the relief he needed to save his night from being a total waste. It sucked that they’d only run into each other after both their nights had nearly been ruined, but at the same time it was sorta nice how now they were able to help each other out.

          “No problem.” He tried to take on his infamously impersonal tone, but his smile brought a warmth to his words that even he couldn’t cool down. He could imagine the way one of his friends would have teased him if they’d overheard him being so kind, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Julie was like -- one of the coolest people he knew, so he was totally fine with her inherent ability to pierce his rough exterior.

          As they made their way along the least populated route to his car, he shook his head at her apology. “Don’t worry about it -- that was basically me all night too.” There wasn’t enough humor in her chuckle, so he tried to add some of his own, “I’m no fun at parties.” The self-deprecating comment came out more gently than his previous remark. “That’s what I keep telling people to try to get them to stop inviting me, anyway.”

       shit. shit, shit, shit. for the first time, she wishes cal wasn’t so perceptive. it feels like he’s seeing right through her, and her current state is uncomfortably vulnerable right now as it is. tanya’s fingers twitch again in her pockets, bunching up the fabric in her hands as she twists around to face the door she’d just come through as though searching for an escape. the movement causes an unruly curl to bounce into her eyes, slipped free from a loose pin she hadn’t fully pushed in, and it’s another reminder of what she’s just done. sure, she didn’t make a scene leaving or anything, but they’re bound to realize she’s gone soon enough, and when that’s discovered — well, it’s not like carrie’s exactly known for her subtlety. or her patience. 

       ❛ i really should — uh … ❜ there’s an uncharacteristic hesitance to her voice, eyes wide as she tries to search her addled mind for literally any way to talk herself out of this. if she’s being honest, the idea of standing out here with cal sounds, like, really nice. or at least a lot nicer than facing the rest of the girls at this point. she bites down on the inside of her cheek, allowing herself to the consider the thought, her heart still pounding in her chest so loudly she can’t help but wonder if cal can hear it ( she wouldn’t be surprised if he could, she’s pretty sure it’s the same beat he was playing the other day ). 

       ❛ i guess, ❜ she says, finally, even though her tone betrays that she doesn’t quite believe it. leaning against the wall, she allows herself a chance to breathe finally, some of the tension leaking out of her shoulders. for a moment, she can dream that maybe he’ll pretend he didn’t hear what she said before, but … nope, there he goes. the tension slips back into her with a deep sigh, and she glances his way, though her gaze slips just past his face.  ❛ i don’t mean like … as a musician, or whatever. i dunno. like i said, i — i don’t even know why i said that. ❜

          So, she was like -- more not okay than he originally suspected. This was very close to meltdown territory, and seeing his friend like that was totally bumming him out. She was supposed to be getting ready to kill it on stage -- which, he was pretty sure -- was, like, her favorite thing in the whole world. Or, at least, Dirty Candy was, right? Something was up, and it was ruining this thing she was supposed to love so much, and the thought of it was just too sad for Cal to not want to get to the bottom of it.

          “Dude.” He spoke up before she could finish her protest then did something out of the ordinary. He placed his hands on her shoulders. It was a sortof hey, be in this moment with me instinctual kindof thing. He looked her in the eye, waited for her to start talking again, then awkwardly shoved his hands In his own pockets like he’d only just realized he’d been touching her.

          “Cool. Good. Just chill for a sec.” He nervously toed at random debris around where he stood, not super sure where to go from there. She was visibly relaxing, though, and that was a good sign.

said: ❛ you’re not as mean as you think you are. ❜

          Nick could get Cal to laugh better than anyone. A lot of the time without even trying. There was something about Nick that he put into everything he said or did that just came off as funny to Cal. Maybe not always ha ha funny, but odd. Peculier. Offbeat -- but in the most delightful way possible.

          The outwardness and spontaneity of his friend’s affection was what got Cal to laugh this time. “That’s so sweet of you to say, dude.” It came out as more of a dismissal than an expression of gratitude. Cal knew he wasn’t mean mean. He preferred the term aloof. Standoffish. Unapproachable (until he wanted to be). But it wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate the reminder from Nick -- he just didn’t feel the need to get sappy in the five minute passing period between World History and AP Music Theory.

said: ‘ you’re gonna see some serious shit. ’

          It was stupid, because watching him do it without totally wiping out didn’t necessarily mean that she’d be able to. But it was also genius -- because who better to test whether this was actually possible than someone who -- if he did end up wiping out -- literally couldn’t die.

          It wasn’t like Charlie hadn’t seen videos of skaters conquering this particular hill before, but something about seeing someone do it in front of her -- not exactly live, but definitely in person -- might give her that last bit of reassurance she needed to just go for it.

          She sat at the top of Baxter Street with her legs sprawled out in front of her, fingers drumming on the pavement between her thighs. She looked determidly over the patchy, cracked blacktop of one of the steepest roads in LA, and thought about how pants-shittingly frightening it would feel to shred down it on her skates ----- but also how world-dominatingly powerful she’d feel if she made it to the bottom without her skull cracking open.

          She had to do it. She couldn’t not do it. And if anyone understood the absolute necessity of that thrill -- it was Willie.