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Sex toy news: epic girth and vibrating tendrils

VIXEN MADE A NEW DILDO! Unfortunately, it’s too effing big for my vagina! The Gambler (such a good name) is nearly 3″ in diameter — an epic challenge of girth. But Bex conquered it!

Vixen has also been quietly adding special edition versions of their toys to their site, including anal beads that look like jawbreakers, a galaxy-swirled Hitachi attachment, and colorful pop art inspired Mustangs.…

The things we’ve built

GAY BEACH GIRLFROND FUNTIMES SUPERBLORPS. That’s what our shared calendar said. We planned the trip on a whim: several nights at the coast, in an adorable house we found on Airbnb. A quick drive a couple hours from the city and there we were, on the beach, walking in the surf and holding hands. Squealing when the water rushed against our legs more strongly than anticipated.

Aeriehad brought some…

A goodbye to a good boy. Meditations on grief.

I have this weird expectation of grief that I first realized way back in junior high. Oddly it was a Simpsons episode that showed it to me. In season 2, there was an episode (One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish) where Homer may have eaten poisonous fish at a sushi restaurant, and then is given 24 hrs to live.

The next morning, when Marge wakes up. She bolts up in bed, asking “Homer?” to an…

September 19, 2017

Decided to livetweet slathering my genitals with weed-enhanced lubricant spray. I’d done it once before, with my vulva, to uninspiring results, so this time I decided to try it in my ass. Reasonable, yes? I already had a butt plug in, so I removed it and re-inserted it with a generous coating of the spray.

DEAR LORD, IT FELT LIKE FIRE. “Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy,” I said out loud,…

I proudly identify as a “dildo slinger” — that’s a much way cooler way of saying “sex toy retail worker.” In addition to writing this blog, I have worked at a local sex toy boutique for nearly 8 years. It’s a unique, misunderstood job, one that often elicits perplexed looks and palpable silence. Rarely is this work given the credit it deserves, so when I picked up Lynn Comella’s Vibrator Nation:…

Sex toy news: bionic dildos and a bundle of alien fingers

Yay, the Canadian cuties at Fuze have four new suction cup dildos: Flame, Major (uncut and girthy!), Freddie, and Star. They can attach to each other, too, to make a custom double-ended dildo.

Jimmyjane’s new Tre looks like a bundle of alien fingers. Isn’t that what you want to put on your clit? (Hot tip: if you want to be even poorer, buy the version that comes with a UV sanitizing case!)

Dicks…

Sex toy news: bionic dildos and a bundle of alien fingers

Yay, the Canadian cuties at Fuze have four new suction cup dildos: Flame, Major (uncut and girthy!), Freddie, and Star. They can attach to each other, too, to make a custom double-ended dildo.

Jimmyjane’s new Tre looks like a bundle of alien fingers. Isn’t that what you want to put on your clit? (Hot tip: if you want to be even poorer, buy the version that comes with a UV sanitizing case!)

Dicks…

The formulating of Piph Lube

Piph Lube, with the glitter settled at the bottom, in front of my sex toy closet.

The idea, like all the best ideas, came to me while I was stoned. Lying in bed, half-asleep, it just popped into my head: my April Fool’s joke this year would be a fake lube containing ridiculous and very #me ingredients such as pinot grigio, Portland rain water, and of course, weed.

If I wanted my fake lube to…

The formulating of Piph Lube

Piph Lube, with the glitter settled at the bottom, in front of my sex toy closet.

The idea, like all the best ideas, came to me while I was stoned. Lying in bed, half-asleep, it just popped into my head: my April Fool’s joke this year would be a fake lube containing ridiculous and very #me ingredients such as pinot grigio, Portland rain water, and of course, weed.

If I wanted my fake lube to…

Giveaway: rock your G-spot!

Hey, friend, how’s your G-spot doing lately? Still real, despite what the media says? Perhaps feeling a bit drab, a little understimulated? Or is it in a good mood, but always hungry for more? Looking for a sex toy that does pretty much all the work of hitting it? I GOTCHU.

Just a few months ago, I crowned Fun Factory’s Stronic G pulsator the best sex toy of 2017. Its automated back-and-forth…

Giveaway: rock your G-spot!

Hey, friend, how’s your G-spot doing lately? Still real, despite what the media says? Perhaps feeling a bit drab, a little understimulated? Or is it in a good mood, but always hungry for more? Looking for a sex toy that does pretty much all the work of hitting it? I GOTCHU.

Just a few months ago, I crowned Fun Factory’s Stronic G pulsator the best sex toy of 2017. Its automated back-and-forth…

The world’s FIRST and only REAL G-spot toy! Ever!!!

Revolutionary! Game-changing! The best! The first! The only! Companies have been wailing such nonsense since the beginning of time. Sex toy manufacturers in particular love to employ this sort of language, although usually it’s subtle and vaguely infuriating, not in-your-face and outright laughable in its shamelessness.

But today is a beautiful day, my friends, because I’ve found something that is

I’m on edge, watching my every move. Like the first day on a new job. Like the feds are after me. Like a driving test. Like masturbating at age 15.

But I am not actually in a high-stress situation. I just have something in my vagina. And its name is Evi.

The Aneros Evi is a… kegel exerciser. Imagine me saying that with the same sort of hesitance in my voice as when I say “don’t worry, I can kill…