Y'all probably taking it steamed and spiceless you freaks. Make something with it, you can’t just mildly heat it and expect it to be good, it’s not weed, you gotta do something with it. And it’s also gonna be shit if you use it as an inferior meat replacement. You gotta value the cauliflower for itself, for its own potential, not for its ability to mimick something entirely different to it. So since y'all clearly don’t know how to use a vegetable correctly here’s one of the best recipes to make the cauliflower shine.
First, prepare a tomato sauce. My usual is tomatoes, a bit of onion and some garlic blended together with enough water to make it soupy but thickish, like mushroom cream. If you substitute the water for chicken stock it’s even better (no boxed bullshit, buy a chicken breast, cook it in water and then save that water for when you need stock). Obviously you have to spice it, I add salt, a ton of pepper, oregano, basil, basically anything that’s gold on pasta and if I’m feeling spicy, I’ll blend a chipotle pepper or two in it. Let it boil a couple minutes and take off the fire to set some frying oil, we gonna be frying today. Also, if you’re fine with carbs prepare some rice for the side.
Chop your cauliflowers and scald them.if you don’t know what that means, you need to boil salt water and then drop the cauliflower in for one or two minutes, then fish it out with a colander and let it drain, we need it dry for this recipe. It should be soft but firm, if it’s tough then repeat until you get the time right.
Here comes the fun part: you’re gonna need a big towel. Place your cauliflowers in over the sink, wrap it all up and then squeeze it with a twisting motion. You need to absolutely dry them up, if you do it right you’ll end up with a mushy paste. You can use the water to cook pasta for later if you don’t want to waste it.
Whip some egg whites with an electric mixer until they get the consistency of soap foam. You can do it by hand as well if you got anger issues, otherwise it’ll take too long. A cheap hand mixer we got cost like $15 and it works fine, they’re not fancy tools, it’s just a motor you plug whisks to, you don’t need some fancy ass Kitchen Aid youtuber crap if it’s too expensive. Once the whites are foamy you’re gonna introduce the yolks one by one, slowly and without stopping the mixer, so they can incorporate without losing volume. You can’t correct this part so if you fuck it up make an omelet and try again with new eggs.
When your egg is ready and your oil is close to smoke point, make little cauliflower balls. You can fill them with a bit of cheese for extra taste. Flour your balls lightly, dunk one in the egg mixture, make sure it’s entirely covered (use a plastic tool, metal will break the egg foam) and then immediately drop it in the oil. If it’s hot enough the egg will cook in seconds,flip it to cook the top side, and then set it to drain on a rack or over paper or ideally one and then the other.
(side note: I don’t know if you can bake or air fry this but you’re welcome to try, I will soon and reblog with the results)
Serve your cauliflowers on a plate, the rice on the side and then absolutely drench everything in tomato sauce. It should look something like this:
(I was still working on my plating skills in 2018 shut up)
Bite into it and enjoy cauliflower at its best. It’s a good recipe, it’s healthy, it’s cheap, you can make it vegan really easily, and it’s not pretending to be meat or pizza so you’re not set up for a disappointment. It’s just a glowup for a discriminated vegetable by people who actually know how to cook: Mexicans.
This isn’t a private recipe, you can share it with anyone you want, make a YouTube video about it, sell it for profit even, just with two conditions:
Make sure to mention that it is a Mexican recipe. Our cuisine has bad rep for being unhealthy because when white people come they only have fast food and don’t get to see the less trendy stuff. I want a better name for my culture, and
For the love of Chris do not fucking dare to call them “cauliflower meatballs” or I’ll chase you down and beat you with a stick. A big one, the ones republicans enjoy hitting their children with. Do. Not. Call. Them. Meatballs. DO NOT CALL THEM MEATBALLS. I can’t emphasize that enough. These are called coliflores lampreadas, make up a bs English name if you can’t pronounce that, I don’t care, as long as you don’t use the word “meat” to devalue an excellent vegetable because you have a small pee pee. Let them shine for what they are, don’t give them impossible expectations because that’s the exact reason so many of you crybabies have never enjoyed a real vegetable.
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