Ambivalencia

now presenting my unserious predictions for ch 138 :D

and so a plan is formed…

Why Twilight was so afraid of the possibility of Yor meeting Capt. Curtis at chp.134. 🤔🤔

Sure we laugh it off and think of it as "Twilight facing the consequences of his own action". But if we think of it further, and logically.... Yor meeting Capt. Curtis shouldn't be such a dire condition for Twilight at that time. 🤔🤔

Because:

1. If Yor does recognize Capt. Curtis, she won't blurt it right there right then, because she's afraid of SSS and she never like being the center of attention (especially in a party). I say, pointing at someone and 'accusing' one as SSS in the middle of the party would make you become the center of attention.

2. Accusing someone as SSS has dire consequences, just like Twilight himself has point it out at the next chapter (chp. 135)

3. Even if Yor did point it out that she has met Capt. Curtis and that he is an SSS, Yor and anyone at that party WILL NOT point at Loid Forger (who stand between them) and immediately knows/accuses that he was the Twilight who impersonating Capt. Curtis. It's even more impossible for anyone to suspect Loid as Twilight because everyone has grown fond of Loid Forger and even symphatize with him for having Yuri as brother-in-law.

So, the worst outcome of Yor blurting out that 'she has ever met Capt. Curtis before' at the party might be: (1) all of the SSS officers (and director) there would be aware that Twilight exist (which they already know), and (2) Twilight knows their faces (which they already know too, based on their experiences during the Mole Hunting arc).

So, back to the question: Why was Twilight so afraid that Yor remembering Capt. Curtis as SSS officer?

I guess...... It's because Twilight is afraid of Yor leaving him the arragement.

It's been shown from the very begining how (for some reason) Twilight was so afraid of Yor leaving him their arragement.

We've seen this fear happen first time before the butt disasterous date

And then again during chp.35

He even admit it out loud to Fiona, to justify his action of not killing Yuri during the Mole Hunting arc.

He was afraid for not knowing the reason Yor was angry at him, and that if he couldn't fix it, it might push her away

He was so relieved after, when Yor was not angry at him anymore, to the point that his exhausted body literally crumpled

He was so afraid of Yor leaving -- to the point when Yor asked a potential question.....

He was so shocked his mind run even faster, creating what ifs, reasons, etc etc etc....

And when Yor actually leave for her work during the Cruise arc..... in only 24 hours of separation he already missed her.

Ahem, yeah... anyway.... I think the real reason of Loid being so paranoid of Yor meeting Capt. Curtis is the possibility of Yor connecting the dots, and thus knowing that Yuri IS an SSS.

If Yor already knows about Yuri being the SSS, then she wouldn't need the cover marriage anymore, because Twilight believe that the SSS would never harm any of their member, so then Yor can stop being worry. If Yor has stopped being worry, then she will leave.

And if Yor left, all of Twilight's hardwork will go drown the drain.

At least, that what Twilight has been believing all this time.

He has yet to realize how he has grown fond of Yor and Anya. That these girls has become those dear to him.

With Anya, Twilight knows that Anya will always stick with him and in her age, Anya doesn't have the ability to leave.

But Yor is an adult. She can and has the power to leave if she wants to. Twilight has yet to realize that he has found something in Yor, something that he actually has been wanting for so long, that he doesn't want to loose her. Just like @flutefemme said right here

But he's getting there. Bit by bit.

ive been thinking for a while now, i know the show is half whimsy and half politics but Anyas role has always been the most interesting to me.

In an adopted family as a kid that has been experimented on before, possibly have been done tests on, been in a high stress environment coming into a dynamic where she feels safe. Yet this family exists on the condition that she does well in a different high stress environment, in academics which probably never been her strong suit, already starting from a set back (being younger than her peers) is just so interesting to me. Untapped potential.

And imagine having all these horrible experiences, terrified you’re going to be put back in it if you don’t perform AGAIN, coming from a place where you were made to achieve either a war or world peace, to a family where your job is to make world peace happen. The two situations have so many parallels and there is just no way a kid wouldn’t be triggered by it sooner or later. I always imagined she slowly grows up to have performance anxiety.

Everyone else in Yor's life seems to believe she was. I'm sure Yuri would have taken any lie Yor told him about her work at face value, especially when he was a child who wouldn't understand. But he isn't stupid. And unlike with his suspicious about Yor's marriage, everyone else in his life also believes this. Yuri probably put the pieces together when he got older which only made him more overprotective.

This would recontextualize a lot of Yuri's actions. From his perspective, his sister was a victim of repeated child exploitation from unknown men. She purposefully didn't tell him and Yuri wasn't able to do anything. Now a strange unknown man has apparently been married to his sister and she didn't tell him? It probably felt like the same thing was happening all over again. But this time he could do something about it.

That's why he did a complete 180 from trying to find Yor a boyfriend to trying to have Loid executed. Why any suggestion of them being intimate sets him off more than anything else. And why he is so focused on eliminating scumbags from their country.

I think this was hinted at in Yuri's very first appearance. We have never seen him behave as violently as he did in his introduction scene. Yuri started off his interrogation with Mr. Hayward pretty calm and jovial. But when Mr. Hayward says that he was "spending money on ladies" and claiming that Yuri should know what that's like as a man, Yuri explodes. He starts sadistically torturing Hayward while screaming about protecting his family. To him, this man was as bad as the people who took advantage of his sister.

Bonus points if Loid starts to imagine rational benefits to stay a husband and father. Like

"surely Yuri would come after me if I divorced Yor"

"Anya would find it hard to stay at Eden if I left to be a spy... that would cause suspicion"

"the other fathers at Eden would surely disprove of me leaving, and theyre invaluable sources of information"

"Bond must have someone capable taking care of him since he was part of Project Apple"

If he finds out Yor is an assassin "aw hell no Im not trying to die. She'd kick my ass in half a second"

One of the main things that stood out to me is how Yor reacts when Yuri sees the tickets and "invites" himself to go with her. She refuses, telling him that he can't because she wants to go with Loid...and correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe this is the first time she's admitted desiring something for herself; not because she feels it will help someone else, as is usually the case for her, but it's something she wants so bad that she'll turn down her beloved bother.

Not only that, but this is also the first time that Yor tells Yuri that she loves Loid! He's questioned her about this a few times throughout the series, and every time she hesitates, being too embarrassed and uncertain to admit it. But this time, she says it loud and clear!

Having realized her true feelings thanks to Anya's help back in chapter 120, I'm glad to see that she's consistently being more "bold" about this fact, not reverting back to hiding or downplaying it again. Also that she's not trying to hide the fact that she wants to spend more time with Loid, even if it means disappointing Yuri. Gah, I love her character development~

Yuri's reaction though 😂I like how he starts with just one tooth and then loses them all!

You know those anxiety dreams you get sometimes where you lose your teeth? Bro is literally living that for real! (but the panel on the right is actually terrifying, like something from a horror movie!)

Oh, and Yor's concerned about what to wear on their date too. She's so smitten ❤️

Hemlock finally makes a return! I know people ship him and Millie, so they must have been happy with this chapter 😅

Sharon is still the best of the three coworkers.

This part below made be kind of sad - like Yor regrets having these feelings for Loid because it doesn't fit her "role" of being in a fake family just for the sake of hiding her assassination job (also this is one of the rare times Yor is wearing different earrings).

Even though she didn't have a huge part in this chapter, I still got some chuckles from Anya's shenanigans 🤣I feel like her "Stella Pretty Guardian" thing is a reference to Sailor Moon (whose Japanese name is "Pretty Soldier/Guardian Sailor Moon")

Yuri's weird possessive obsession with Yor makes sense when you realize that as far as he knows she supported them both as children by going off with creepy old men and coming home bruised and bloody. He thinks she was forced to become a sex worker because he wasn't strong enough to protect her. That's why he gets so weird whenever he thinks about her and Loid getting intimate and why in the beginning he feels like he needs to control her love life by setting her up with guys (that he's fully vetted and can easily blackmail if needed). To him, Loid is just the latest in a long line of creeps that he can't protect his sister from.

The thing is, because of how he's slipped up and opened up, she's technically also fallen for the pieces of Twilight and even tinier pieces of [REDACTED] that have appeared, which gives me some hope and relief. But it still makes me sad for the inevitable reveal, or if Loid ever finds out, the guilt and turmoil between Loid/[REDACTED] not wanting to hurt her and Twilight needing to take advantage.

She tries looking through the line of people in front of them to see how much longer.

“Papa, are we there yet? If we don’t hurry, Christmas will be over before we get there!” She says fervidly.

“Just be patient. We’re almost there.” Loid chides

“I want to tell Santy Claus that I want a lifetime supply of peanuts for Christmas, and that Bond wants a new chew toy.”

“Are you sure there isn’t a more practical gift you want instead of peanuts?” Loid asks.

Yor chimes in. “This is so exciting! It’s been so long since I’ve celebrated the holiday like this!”

“Do you not spend the holidays with your brother, Yor?”

Yor then hangs her head slightly.

“Not really… Our parents used to take us when we were little to meet Santa. But after we lost them, I would always just let Yuri have that opportunity to do it because I wanted to give that joy of Christmas fun. Since he’s grown up, he’s typically busy around this time of year, so we don’t get the opportunity to spend it together.” She explains sadly.

Loid frowns upon hearing how lonely it must have been for her.

“I’m sorry, Yor.” He utters.

He can relate, though. Many Christmases of his were spent either in the midst of a mission or on the battlefield. He’s long forgotten what the holiday was like before the war. The love and wonder of this time a faint memory for him.

Yor smiles at him. “It’s okay, Loid. At least we get to experience this with Anya!”

He smiles back and nods. Finally, it’s their turn to meet Santa.

“Right this way.” Says the worker dressed as an elf.

The Forgers all file into the area made to look like Santa’s workshop.

Loid and Yor step off to the side as they let Anya go up to Santa.

As Anya makes her way up, she stops when she hears their voices in her mind.

{“Though I only ever let Yuri meet Santa, it’s nice to experience this with Anya.”} Yor’s thoughts read.

{“I can hardly recall this type of thing from my childhood, but it does bring me some happiness that Anya gets to have this.”} reads Loid’s.

Anya turns back and runs up to them. Perplexed, both of them kneel down to her.

“What’s wrong? Are you scared?” Loid asks, concerned.

Anya shakes her head then takes them both by the hand and pulls them over towards Santa.

“Anya!” Loid shouts.

“What’s the meaning of this?!” Yor asks.

Once at Santa’s chair, Anya points at him.

“Tell Mr. Santy Claus what you want for Christmas or else you both won’t get anything!” She demands.

Loid stammers, embarrassed. “A-Anya, I don’t think we should-“

“It’s quite alright!” The Santa actor says. “Everyone deserves to meet Santa, even grown ups.” He winks at Anya.

“Uh, well… I would like a new tea set to replace the one I broke a while ago.” Yor says, sheepishly.

Santa looks to Loid. “And you, my dear fellow?”

Loid ponders for a moment, and then with every ounce of earnestness, he says “I’d just like for there to be peace.”

“That’s not very pract-e-cal, Papa.” Anya chides.

Loid just chuckles. “You’re right… the perhaps a new pen set for my work will do just fine.”

“And for you, my dear child?” The Santa asks.

Anya herself then ponders on her own wish, foregoing the initial lifetime supply of peanuts. She then goes over to Santa and whispers into his ear. He just smiles and then looks to both Loid and Yor, then back at her, giving her another wink.

The elf worker then ushers them away as Anya waves goodbye to Santa.

“What is it you asked Santa for, Anya?” Yor inquires.

Anya tuts. “Anya can’t say, Mama, or it won’t come true.”

“That’s for birthday wishes, and also a myth.” Loid retorts.

“So does that mean Santa will bring me a baby sister?” Anya asks.

Both her parents freeze.

They’re sat a table with Yor’s coworkers- Camilla, Sharon, and Millie, along with their spouses. Though one of the men seems to stand out to him. One he has yet to meet, Millie’s date- a tall, slender man with long ash blond hair with peculiar bangs. A grimacing, misanthropic scowl on his face. Almost as if he doesn’t want to be here.

Loid also notices the immediate change in Yor’s demeanor when she sees him. When they take their seats, Yor takes the spot next to this man and Loid sits next to her.

“Good evening.” The man greets Yor in a deep voice.

Yor jolts, feeling incredibly flustered.

“G-Good evening.” She greets, bowing her head away from him.

Loid puts on a friendly smile. “Good evening, Sir!” He reaches out his hand. “I’m afraid we haven’t met. I’m Loid Forger, Yor’s husband.”

The man shoots Loid the nastiest look, practically sneering at him.

Loid’s surprised by his reaction. The man then reluctantly reaches out his hand and returns the gesture with a suprisingly firm grip and long, agonizing shakes. Unable to parce his feelings on this experience, Loid then asks. “What’s the name… friend?” He asks wearily.

Through very gritted teeth, the man replies. “Jones…” He immediately breaks their handshake.

Puzzled, Loid laughs. “U-uh… W-Wonderful to meet you, Mr. Jones… What is it that you do?”

Yor intervenes. “He works at City Hall with us! Well, he just joined us there!” Giggling anxiously.

“Indeed…” Jones concurs. “Though, I’ve known Thorn… I mean- Mrs. F-F-Forger… for quite some time.

“Uh- yes! Mr. Jones and I have worked on projects together before he transferred to work with us!” She giggles again.

“Oh-“ Loid replies, perplexed and somewhat annoyed by this new revelation. “I had know idea. Yor never mentioned knowing a Mr. Jones before.”

“We never really kept in touch outside of work, but we’ve gotten…” Mr. Jones gives Yor a look. “…closer since I’ve been a City Hall.”

Loid’s mind immediately quells with many questions about Yor and Mr. Jones’s relationship.

“WHO IS THIS GUY?”

“WHY HASN’T YOR MENTIONED HIM BEFORE?”

“HOW LONG HAVE THEY KNOWN EACH OTHER?!”

“DID THEY HAVE SOMETHING BEFORE THAT YOR DOESN’T WANT ME TO KNOW ABOUT?”

“DO THEY STILL-“

His overactive thoughts suddenly cease. A deep, sinking, almost sickening feeling fills Loid’s chest. It’s something he’s never thought about before, but now it’s one that fills his mind. Throughout the night, as the couples eat and make conversation, Loid can’t help but notice the tension between Yor and Jones. The way they seemingly keep looking at one another makes Loid feel as though they’re both hiding something. To his surprise, and his chagrin, his heart twinges at this newfound revelation.

His inner voice speaks to him. “Don’t lose focus, Twilight. You mustn’t let your feelings take hold. Remember, this is only a transactional marriage.” For the first time, he can feel his heart begin to break. “It would never work. Remember, she doesn’t love you…”

“Loid?” Yor calls, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He turns his attention to her. Her head cocked slightly.

“Are you okay?” She asks, concerned.

Loid looks at her with sullen eyes. There’s a brief pause before he gives her a small, synthetic smile.

Loid: So... I'm a spy, Yor is an assassin, and Anya is a telepath. Is no one in this family normal?

Yor: Bond, I guess?

Anya: No, he can see the future.

A few days ago, I learned something interesting at school: some stories have secret stories.

Hopefully, I can explain it: a secret story is what is not told explicitly in the narrative, but that the reader can understand by the character's behavior, thoughts or actions.

The most interesting part is that this secret story is, in many cases, what pushes the main story forward.

So, of course, I had to apply this to my sxf brainrot 😏 It took me a while to figure it out, but I think I got it...

Remember this panel?

It's one of the most celebrated panels in the manga. We finally got to see Twilight shirtless 😎 and we've enjoyed countless fanarts of it (thanks to all the wonderful artists 👏) Well, it was precisely this panel and the timing of it what made me realize about Spy x family's secret story.

This is the first time we see Twilight naked, right? This was also the first time he realized he was vulnerable.

Here, Twilight, master of disguise, best spy of Westalis, rips his disguise, admits that he has weaknesses and shows us that he's injured because of this vulnerability.

Think about the symbolism of it; a person is at their most vulnerable when naked and we didn't see him in this state until he had that conversation with Yor. Even though the arc was about catching Wheeler, the secret story of that arc was about weakness. Wheeler himself mentioned it several times and it's not a coincidence that in this arc Twilight shows weakness not once, but three times:

1. By not killing Yuri (and getting shot)

2.By getting hurt during the confrontation with Wheeler and lastly...

3.When he sees Yor again!

It's also not a coincidence that he got physically hurt because he showed weakness. I suspect it won't be the last time this happens. Keep that in mind for the future...

All this is related to that secret story l mentioned at the beginning. I think SxF secret story is precisely that, not weakness, but vulnerability.

That conversation he had with Yor was about that; she was trying to convince him to be vulnerable with her (more on that here). And his thoughts were about that too; he's telling Yor in his mind he lives in a world where he cannot be vulnerable.

And that last line!!

It's exactly what secret stories are about: unsaid things.

The fact that an arc about weakness and vulnerability started and ended with Yor and where Twilight acknowledged his weakness is very significant. Do you see it too? All this happened because of her and I think he knows it too.

Twilight's struggle with vulnerability is what pushes the story forward and ultimately what makes so many of us connect with the characters. Clearly, he's losing the battle with himself and he's trusting and relying on his wife more every day; we see it in his behavior. We all want that to happen too!

(Spoilers for non-manga readers!)

Just realized how lame Twilight's excuse is for not killing Yuri in the Wheeler Arc

He told Nightfall he couldn’t kill Yuri because Yuri was the reason Yor entered a “convenience marriage” with Loid Forger.

That’s technically true , but only partly. Yor didn’t marry Loid because of Yuri. Back when they first met, she only needed someone to pretend to be her boyfriend to ease her brother’s worries. Marriage wasn’t even on her mind yet. She just needed a partner for show.

Her real reason for agreeing to the marriage later on was to avoid suspicion. Being a single woman her age drew unwanted attention — and that posed a threat to her secret life as an assassin. So even if, hypothetically, Yuri had died, she likely would’ve stayed married to Loid anyway. Twilight knows this.

So Loid’s excuse to Nightfall wasn’t just flimsy. It was a blatant lie.

We all know the real reason he couldn’t do it.

Yuri is Yor’s family. And Loid couldn’t bear the thought of devastating her, let alone being the one responsible for it.

At that point, I think Loid knew it himself. Yor had become his weakness.

I’ve seen some criticize this arc, saying Loid felt more distant to his family afterward. I don’t entirely agree; for me, he’s always kept his distance to them emotionally. But I do think it’s true that the TwiYor moments became less frequent after that, especially from Twilight's side.

To me, that’s because Loid/Twilight had already realized — long before Yor did in the recent chapters — that he was in deep, deep trouble when it came to his feelings for her. The Wheeler Arc was the turning point.

And seriously, from the very beginning, Yor was already his weakness. We couldn't deny that from the very beginning, he has this sort of fondness when it came to her.

From the moment they met, she threw him off completely. She slipped right past his radar, catching him off guard without him even noticing her presence. (Honestly, that’s kind of how she slipped into his heart, too.)

At Camilla’s party, he defended her without hesitation — and in doing so, he revealed how much he already knew about her (Thankfully, Yor didn’t question it because she was too lovestruck with him). Then at the Eden interview, when Swan started badmouthing her, Loid immediately went on the defensive. He could barely keep himself composed and almost argued back before Yor stopped him. And when Swan insulted her again, comparing her to his “first wife,” Loid completely lost control.

Yor also has this uncanny ability to change his mind even when he’s completely decided on something. In Code White, she convinced him to let her and Anya tag along to find the last ingredient even though he had already decided to go on his own. Or that time Anya pretended to be sick. Loid knew she was faking, but the moment Yor showed concern, he started second-guessing himself. Like, come on! Her words alone were enough to shake his logic!

And I think that’s exactly why he struggles so much when it comes to reading her feelings. Yor matters to him that much. He could easily use his usual tactics; charm her, manipulate her. But he doesn’t. Even when she’s acting suspicious, he doesn’t pry or push. He respects her boundaries completely.

She even makes him zone out during a briefing with his Handler. Twilight — the ultimate spy — getting distracted because of her.

He knows it. Twilight knows Yor is his weakness.

And it’s kind of poetic, honestly — because on the Cruise Arc, Loid was Yor’s strength. She still sees him that way, and that affects how she handles her feelings for him. For her, love makes her stronger so even if it would end up her getting hurt in the end, she would continue fighting for this family and protecting it. Yet for him, love makes him vulnerable so realizing those feelings would make him more distant to those he cares about.