Life in the World of Fandoms

and thus starts using "i'm allergic to that" as an attempt to get out of things he doesn't like

"i'm allergic to aunt gina's house"

"no, you're not, honey-"

which means a very normal exchange is something like "shane, can you put the laundry in the dryer?" "no, i'm allergic" as he gets up to do it but ilya who is still trying to understand the full scope of this is??? shane no?? if you are allergic?? do not do it?? yuna why are you asking this of him???

and then after ilya has a better grasp on actual allergies versus bit, it gets adopted into their house as well, but NOW it presents issues for anyone ELSE trying to work out wtf is safe to have at a team barbeque or not.

ilya trying to get shane to try the salsa someone brought and shane who hates cilantro even if he's not allergic to it just *head recoil* "ugh, no, i'm allergic"

which is complicated by the fact that ilya takes one look at rose and shane at the bar (rose's arm looped through shane's in what ilya doesn't know is just a friends move) and BOOKS IT so he doesn't have to see this

and then proceeds to avoid them at EVERY fucking turn

this all terminates into rose going "fuck it I'm a true bro and I'm making this happen so help me GOD" and managing to arrange locking them in a closet together (which is. so funny. but this is not the time to point out the punchline.) (she'll save it.) so ilya can't run away.

and it's very sweet and they have their moment of honesty and yay back to ilya's room now fo-

the-the door is locked.

because it turns out that rose got a LITTLE too enthusiastic in locking it after her plan worked PERFECTLY and now something in the mechanism is broken.

i have a very special scenario in my head of shane who is used to feeling like this and finding a quiet place to assess what tf is happening to him rn so he can decide if cold water on his face or hospital.

(not even considering the fact that hiding away while potentially having a life-threatening allergic response is an AWFUL move).

and i am especially endeared by the idea of it going from him going off and doing this by himself to ilya clocking him leaving the room in a way that says Not Okay and following him and the two of them in just a quiet little pocket of space together, with shane having already handed over his auvi-q (the version of an epipen that fits in a suit pocket) just in case.

OH MAN in vegas, ilya canonically was freaking out ahead of time in anticipation of seeing shane again, so i posit that he was denying that he was freaking the fuck out and was trying to lie to himself and say it was just low blood sugar, so he grabbed something from craft services backstage.

and it's fucking. peanut butter crackers.

THIRD OPTION: EXTREMELY UNFORTUNATE TIME TO PURSUE FINGER SUCKING AFTER ILYA WAS PICKING AT THINGS DURING THE WAIT FOR SHANE TO SHOW UP AT THE PENTHOUSE BUT ALSO DRINKING VODKA SO SHANE DOESN'T SMELL IT ON HIS BREATH

Like, severe allergies are weird because they are extremely disruptive to your life, but also you just kind of…deal with it? Like, it is just so part of your everyday that it kind of becomes background noise. But then I’ll talk to an acquaintance I haven’t seen in a while, or an extended family member I’m not that close to, and the FIRST THING that comes to them is always “How are the food allergies?” As if they have not remained exactly the same since birth, and as if I have not done anything else with my life. I’ve literally gotten my dream job, traveled halfway around the world, and have a thriving adult life, and people still feel the need to tell me about their second cousin’s best friend who also has allergies, or try to show me an article about the newest juice cleanse that cures allergies. (Spoiler: that’s not how allergies work, but that’s a whole different thing 🙄)

Anyway, itty bitty Shane Hollander who is so sick and tired of people acting like he has no personality outside of his allergies. He wants to be known as a great hockey player, and Todd from math class just wants to talk about how it’s so rough that Shane can’t have dairy, he can’t imagine living without cake/cookies/cheese/insert whatever food here. And Aunt so and so buying a birthday gift that he has NO interest in (he wanted new hockey gear), and then he has to smile and nod as she asks him how the allergies are and tells him about her coworker’s kid who outgrew his allergy. Keep your chin up, buddy! Maybe someday you’ll outgrow YOUR allergies and then your life will be fixed. And then he goes to school and they pass out Snickers as a fundraising reward and he has to tell the vice principal that he is allergic, actually, and the vice principal hemming and hawing before he tells him that Shane knows his allergies best and asks what Shane would recommend to deal with it.

Just itty bitty Shane getting SO fed up and throwing himself into hockey, vowing that SOMEDAY people will think about him and “has allergies” will not be the first thing that comes up in their mental file about him.

you will not let him have the seat he wants on this bus? ah, he sees. clearly the homophobia.

you will not give him the lemon-lime gatorade and are trying to keep it for yourself? you think gays should have to drink only fruit punch? he is telling twitter IMMEDIATELY.

Like when he first moved to Ottawa, Harris doesn't know what to make of a russian player with a shiny orthodox cross hanging on his neck. But he has never shied away from being himself so tries to make friends like he does with everyone.

Slowly he learns Ilya isn't like that and is quite comfortable with Harris being more outwardly gay, and even enjoys joking with Harris about it.

So one day they are talking in the locker room and the coach comes in and tells Harris OK get out now, the team has to practice. And Harris is like oh, so now you're kicking out the only gay guy here? I see. That's really homophobic.

Ilya is struck with jealousy, esp as he sees him make this joke more often.

115 colonists: okay

governor: ends up spending 3 years in england bc of a naval war with spain or some shit

governor: gets back to the colony to find everyone gone

governer: sees the word “croatoan”, the name of a native american tribe, carved into a post

croatoan tribe: has members and children with blonde hair/blue eyes, pale skin