Book Lady in Training

we are a restaurant

Queens

Justin go back to your seat this is a nuclear summit not junior high study hall you can’t just sit with your crush there are assigned name tags and you are decidedly not Nigeria

i am zo much ‘appier now zat i’m dead. technically meessing. zoon to be presumed dead. gone. and my lazy, lying sheeting obleevious ‘usband vill go to preeson for my murder. donald trump took my pride and my deegnity and my ‘ope and my money. ‘e took and took from me until i no longer exeested. zat’s murder. let ze punishment fit ze crime. donald vill die. donald and melania vill be gone, but zen, ve never really exeested. donald loved a girl i vas pretending to be. “cool girl.” men alvays use zat, don’t zey? as zeir defining compliment? “she’s a cool girl.” cool girl ees ‘ot. cool girl ees game. cool girl ees fun. cool girl never gets angry at ‘er man. when i met donald trump, i knew ‘e wanted “cool girl.” and for ‘im, i’ll admit: i vas villing to try. i wax-streeped my pussy raw. i drank canned beer, vatching adam sandler movies. i ate cold pizza and remained a zize two. i blew ‘im, zemi-regularly. i lived in ze moment. i vas vucking game. i can’t zay i deedn’t enjoy zome of it. donald teased out in me zings i deedn’t know exeested. a lightness. a ‘umor. an ease. but i made ‘im smarter. sharper. i inspired ‘im to rise to my level. i forged ze man of my dreams. ve vere ‘appy pretending to be ozer people. ve vere the ‘appiest couple ve knew. and vat’s ze point of being togezzer if you are not ze ‘appiest? but donald got lazy. ‘e became someone i deed not agree to marry. ‘e actually expected me to love him uncondeetionally. zen ‘e dragged me, penniless, to ze vite house. you zink i’d let him destroy me and end up ‘appier zan ever? no vucking vay. ‘e doesn’t get to ween. my cute, charming, zalt-of-ze-earz upper east side guy. ‘e needed to learn. grown-ups vork for zings. grown-ups pay. grown-ups zuffer consequences.

this is the most wholesome vine ive seen

Belle from Beauty and the Beast calls her homegirl

@captioned-vines