☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ Isa ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

i miss my ex a lot but i struggle a lot with the fact that he still talks with the girl who he emotionally cheated on me with, even when i begged him to not talk to her anymore... it was kind of an ultimatum of friendship with me or her... i told him i couldnt be his friend if he was still friends with her, i told him i would feel much better if he blocked her and he told me he did, only to find out he only blocked her on discord, and i dont think he knew i knew her @ on insta so i saw they still followed each other. i soft blocked him on insta and we hadnt spoken to each other since april and i recently reached out as his mom texted me as a scam asking for money so i let him know and we had a very amicable exchange, but now i miss him more. i got distracted with another guy right as i broke up with him, so i dont think i ever really processed everything and so now i find myself in the constant "what ifs" and its unbearable, im so over feeling like this and just remembering the good parts. i need to be reminded of all the bad things. its getting so difficult to not think of him. i just miss my friend, but his actions just hurt me... it would be unhealthy for me to go to him. i dont want to do it. but i just want this feeling of missing my best friend to leave. its exhausting. i keep trying to fill the void he left with whatever or whoever gives me the time of day, which i know isnt the healthiest or kindest thing, but i dont know how to cope with this feeling. this was and to this day my only relationship so experiencing heartbreak is such a new feeling specially with me being the one who broke the relationship. its such an odd feeling... anyways rant over, i just needed to let this out somewhere that wasnt in my friend's gc. pls give me advice :C