bella

As much as I wanted you, that’s how much I let you destroy every possibility. You had so much control over me, and I don’t even know what point of weakness did you hit, but maybe it was all just because I loved you.

Tonight, mother, I will die from sadness.

I’m walking completely wet in the town where people say that they love the rain, but tonight I’m alone.

Join me for a dance, make every sigh silent. Be music for my choreography of pain. And when my body gets tired, don’t stop.

We were swimming in the ocean of the words, but I still didn’t say anything to you.

I think that writers need sadness so that they can write about happiness.

Sad fact about you - you just don’t know how to love people.

One day, when I disappear from this place, they will read my notes. No, I’m not a writer and I will never be one. I don’t know who am I going to be, or will I be anyone. I don’t even know what am I supposed to say. Am I that sure that I will live long enough to say everything. I’m not afraid of anything except for long and eternal life.

I looked in the eyes of the universe, I jumped in and stayed there.

We didn’t click, we just couldn’t. One part always get in the way of the other. And people asked why the hell do I even love you when there was nothing between us. But perhaps there’s no need of something to be.

You hurt me with your words so I added few more scars on my skin. You remind me of my father. And now this is starting to look more like that, and I thought that you will never hurt me, that you’ll protect me from stuff like that. And who is going to protect me now? From him and you. I was quiet for so long, but I couldn’t keep it anymore, I am bleeding all over the place. It’s not like dying it’s much slower. It’s hard when I think of not being with you every single day, but you need to change for the better. The only question left is will you change for me, will you be capable of loving me? I am hoping for the best because I need you. I love memories of us, it’s too many of them. I can’t just throw it all away. All tho, at the end of the day, all we are left with is love for each other. Nothing less, nothing more.

Night before my birthday. You were there and I was half way naked, but you were so polite about it. You were so gentle with me, always asking these little questions, checking if I was okay. You told me stuff only you and I could understand. I hope that she’s treating you well.

Letters to you. Because everything that we had, because of everything that didn’t happened, and never will. We didn’t tell each other everything we wanted, left it with so many questions. Will I ever be able to answer myself on some basis of what I know about you. Will I ever be able to get over it, over you. I loved the way you kissed me, hugged me, took care of me. We were first to each other. You were something different, something I needed in that time, and it was beautiful being with you. I loved you so much at that time, and I love you still. I would give everything if I had just one more chance to talk to you. I don’t need anything else from you. I know that we’re never gonna be what we were. We both have someone that can treat us in the way we need it. I just need to see you once again, to kiss you, hug you. It would be totally mean less, with no emotions, I just think that our last kiss wasn’t in the way I thought it would be, I wasn’t thinking of it like the end of our relationship. So let me kiss you for goodbye and wish you all the best.

I step forward into loneliness of my soul.

Your father was so bad, that you became same as him.

The dark is going to swallow my soul. Is that going to be fear of this beautiful night?

Sometimes I miss you, sometimes I need you, but I never had you.