A brief conversation I had with @mikimeiko on their lovely meta about the motive of loss and abandonment made me think about miscommunication some more, and how horrible Calico Jack was to Stede.
When Stede meets Calico Jack for the first time this is what he says to him:
Off to a terrible start, and it only goes downhill from there.
As others have pointed out, this is a very mean thing to say in general and absolutely unacceptable to say to a queer man in particular, and Ed knows that. He's trying to do damage control
He's fucking joking. You're not a girl.
but he's laughing along with Jack - or maybe trying to laugh it off? He immediately gets physical with Jack as well, and it looks to me like the sort of thing you might do, when someone you like just has said something that makes you intensely uncomfortable but you really don't want it to be a big deal. He's performing closeness with Jack: Look, I like this guy he wouldn't say something like that he doesn't mean it. While at the same time he literally jumps on him almost as if that would distract from the really hurtful thing Jack has just said.
But. Look at Stede's face while Ed does this.
He knows guys like Jack. All his life guys like this have shamed him for being "weak" and effeminate. And he knows the kind of guy who would laugh along with that for whatever reason - to protect his own image, to not cause a conflict. He's already tired of this interaction. Look at this sad little nod after Ed says "You're not a girl." (sorry for bad quality, this is not art, just to illustrate my point)
God this is. Painful. I feel this expression in my soul.
And he's still trying to play nice with Jack! He's offering his hand, he's welcoming him. He's even ignoring Jack's sarcastic little "Lovely", as they shake hands. Because Jack's a friend of Ed's and he's used to putting up with a little bit of bullying. But the disappointment here is palpable. And so is the resignation. Because Ed may not be a bully, but (from Stede's perspective) he doesn't defend Stede from abuse either, and part of Stede expected this to happen eventually. I'm not even sure he thinks about it as betrayal per say - it's one of the things that just happen. Bullying is inevitable and people are only friendly with him as long as no one can see.
But! From Ed's perspective, this isn't what's happening at all! I'm not saying he doesn't have baggage, but he probably didn't grow up with this specific kind of constant ostracizing. To him, it's all just friendly banter. He doesn't notice how hurt Stede is because, well, Stede is very good at not letting it on when something really hits him. To Ed, he's just averted a crisis, introduced his old best friend to his new best friend, and now they're all gonna go have breakfast together :D
It gets even worse later on, when Stede asks Jack about his ship. If you've ever been bullied tell me if this sounds familiar: You were just trying to defend yourself, but the bully suddenly starts a crying performance, and now you're the mean one. Meanwhile, all the bully's friends flock to them and comfort them because you really hurt their feelings, how dare you! I don't even think I need to talk about this further.
And then. It all culminates in the beach scene. After being literally peed on, Steve has finally had enough. He's an adult; he doesn't have to put up with this shit. He's still avoiding confrontation though, he simply extracts himself from the situation.
But Ed, who was just having a fun day at the beach, doesn't understand why Stede is suddenly leaving. Ed wants Stede to be there and share in the fun! More importantly, he wants to show this part of himself to Stede. He wants this to be a bonding experience, and he's really excited about it. So he tries to convince him to stay.
I might just head back to the ship.
But Ed (contrary to Stede tbh) is actually good at communication, and he wants to know what tf is going on, so he asks again.
And I think it's actually a testament to how close Stede's gotten to him that he actually tries to communicate his feelings for once.
What he says: "I'm not finding any of this a blast actually! I don't like to drink 'til I puke, or get pelted with coconuts. Or making a turtle fight a crab? That's just mean!" Now it's not that he finds any of these actions distasteful in particular. These are all just stand-ins for what Stede is actually angry about. Which is that Jack is hurting him in a way he's been hurt all his life, but he's not saying that. Because the first rule of the bullied kid is, you do not let the abuser (or their allies) know when they got to you. And in this moment, to him, Ed is an ally of Jack's.
Ed doesn't have all the context though. He doesn't know this about Stede's past, he doesn't know how sensitive of a subject this is for Stede. Fuck, he doesn't even know about all the interactions Stede had with Jack. Look at his expressions, as Stede goes on his little rant:
Why would you say this I thought we were friends :(
In this moment, Stede is triggering all of Ed's insecurities. To him, Stede just described a fun afternoon. He feels judged, like Stede is shaming him for his lack of sophistication.
Then Stede delivers the killing blow: "Honestly Ed? I don't like who you are around this guy." And he means: I thought I could trust you, I thought you wouldn't find this kind of behaviour acceptable.
What Ed hears is: You aren't good enough for me. I have seen a less refined side of you and I don't like it.
Which is why he says "But this is who I am." He's a pirate, and he'll never be an aristocrat, and if Stede doesn't like it, well, Ed also thought Stede was one of the good ones :'(
Just. A masterclass in miscommunication.
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