I WANT TO EAT CAKE.
I want to have those fake friendships they have in TV shows but don't feel that unreal when you see real people friendships. I feel so alone and sad and my apartment is a mess and I can't get out of bed to clean anything and I can't write or get my laptop for anything because it's scary and I get anxious and I've started to get into those fake life fantasies because otherwise I get anxious about everything and about life and I can't even get a clean apartment and I can't even have real friends and I can't do shit and I hate it because I don't want to do shit my bed had TWO HOLES the shape of myself. And I just want to stay like that. I have plans but at the same time I don't want to act on them. I'm poor I don't have money I can't even treat myself
I WANT CAKE I WANT THOSE COFFEE THAT DOESN'T EXIST. WHAT IS A CHAI LATTE COFFEE IS IT BLACK TEA AND COFFEE AND MILK. I WANT TO HAVE FUN I WANT AT LEAST SOME PART OF MY BODY BRAIN AND SOUL TO FEEL SOMETHING.
I WAS GOOD AT TETRIS99 AND I'M BAD NOW AND I LEARNED HOW TO READ ALONE, AND I LEARNED ENGLISH ALONE AND I LOST TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE TRYING TO LEARN WEB PROGRAMMING AND I'VE NEVER REMEMBER ANYTHING I WAS BAD AT IT AND PEOPLE TOLD ME I WAS SMART. AND I'VE SPENT 5 YEARS TRYING TO LEARN KOREAN AND NOTHING. AND I HAD TO MOVE FAR FROM MY FAMILY FOR THIS COMPUTER THING AND THEY CAN'T COME SEE ME AND I CAN'T EITHER AND I HATE BEING ALIVE MORE THAN WHEN I WAS ACTIVELY TRYING TO OFF MYSELF BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO TRY TO DO IT I FUCKING HATE THE WORLD





















