Chest Dysphoria
So Iāve been thinking a lot about it and where mine really stems from and what triggers it. And I think being more involved in the trans community is the thing. Going to trans events and since I present masc Iām automatically assumed to want top surgery. That all the friends I created that werenāt feminine had some sort of chest dysphoria seemed welcoming at first. But it kinda made it worse. Having so many folks that bind, wanted top surgery, or had it made seem like there were few options when it came to my chest. Sure there are some trans guys and non-binary types that go shirtless pre-op only censoring themselves because of social media rules. But there are very few, and the atmosphere is very different than when Iām with the few new friends Iāve met that just want to free the nipple and desexualize breast.Ā
This is a topic Iāve thought about a lot over the past two years, ever since I was at a pool party and some folks didnāt wear bikini tops but just trunks, and it was cool. But I hesitated to do so. I brought it up with my best friend whoās trans and his reaction of who was topless, kinda made me reel back. That this group and him may not mesh well. Anyways kinda had a falling out with him for other reasons, and have been hanging out with these free the nipple types, and I can feel a weight slowly lifting. Iāve been paying attention to andro models who have appeared topless, and that have breast bigger than the standard barely there A cup and donāt hide it. Itās not like theyāre going out of their way to embrace them or trying to push them envelope by presenting masculine with breast but just disregard them. And maybe I just need to see more people presenting like this and direct my attention away from so many people whoās chest dysphoria isnāt something they can easily overcome.
Itās a weird place to be and Idk how to feel about it. Because these people arenāt really toxic. I donāt want to silence them. I just donāt want to be triggered. I can only compare it to a reason why I didnāt allow myself close to a lot girls. I do have body image issues. I know Iām pretty thin, but the thought of gaining weight terrified. My personal standards keeping me at a weight that is a bit underweight. I noticed early on that if I opened up to a girl about these insecurities they couldnāt really comfort me without it having an effect on them and their weight and how they viewed themselves. My obsessive eating habits made them look at their own habits, and my ability to apply logic and reason made it worse. I still have a lot to process on this subject though
