Monster Romance

I genuinely cannot stop thinking about this book, and it's given me the book hangover from Hell because I know I will never find something quite like it again.

Azrael is a stunningly compelling character, an immortal being that's been chased, attacked and betrayed by humans since the beginning of time. He doesn't seem to know what exactly he is (my best guess would be he's Azrael, I know I'm a genius), but he knows that he's not human and he doesn't fit in among them no matter how hard he tries to co-exist peacefully. He was born into violence and the violence follows him. He is hard and even downright cruel, but he's also incredibly lonely and has been chasing a way to ease that loneliness for eons. While everything and everyone around him will die and leave him, he raises the dead to be his companions. The problem is that the dead he's raised have been with purpose; he is Lord over them and they are all, to some extent, an extension of himself.

Azrael is aware that he's fearsome, and also grotesque, and so he makes deals with those few living people that do come to him to beg for relief from the eaters he's risen as protection for himself and from a world ravaged by the atomic bomb that humans dropped on him; converse with him, tolerate his bed, and he will provide them with everything they could possibly want or need.

All of this goes about as well as it could be expected to, until Lan comes along. Lan, who already believed she was on a suicide mission and is undetered by threats of death. Lan who is unafraid to treat him like any other man. Lan, who slaps him, and also kisses him of her own volition.

Lan is a compelling character in her own right. She isn't there to do harm, she's only there to beg him not to do harm to the living. Even through his cruelty, she finds compassion for him.

Azrael and Lan are not particularly nice to each other all the time and I see a lot of complaints about that, but the truth is it just works for them and anything else would have almost been insulting. Lan berates and insults, Azrael threatens with no follow through. If they were perfect for each other in the way typical romance novels work, they simply wouldn't be perfect for each other. Azrael is desperate for someone that doesn't worship him but comes to love him despite who and what he is. He finds that in Lan.

The entire book is written through Lan's perspective. Beyond the "romance" of it, there are many thoughtful things to think about through it. Questions like what makes a villain, or what makes something alive. Is it a heartbeat, will, thoughts, a soul? Are the dead any less than the living just because their heart isn't beating anymore? Is it villainous to protect oneself through violent means when the alternative is accepting violent treatment instead?

Imo, there are truly no villains in this story. Everyone is a bit villain, everyone is a bit victim, and that's the beauty of humanity.

There is a happy ending, but it's a very nontraditional happy ending. Which I think fits it perfectly. I could talk about this book literally all day, so I'm going to stop but I'll leave it with a quote.