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If I only had more money

I seem to be growing resentment towards friends, maybe it's jealousy that more job success, more money, less hassle, relationships or not saying what I want to hear. I started by saying they've changed and since this or that they've not been easy to get along with, but now I think it's not them it's me, not think I know. It has to be. Maybe I'm being paranoid I'm not sure but I can feel myself slipping again which isn't good, my confidence has take a knock again, I feel like I can't do anything right Anyway rant over I need to keep my chin up .... Somehow

Maybe next valentines I'll get a ......

Says it all really Going to yet another wedding where all my friends have dates apart from moi Then the same old questions occur 'Why don't you have a date?' 'Where is your partner' 'why not' Then 'we gave you a plus one' or 'but you're lovely' Well obviously not lol as I'm ... So ... Ronery Maybe one day I can find someone to drag to one of these things

That is the question, I'm not sure I've had a full on beard for some time now and although I like the novelty of it, I do like change also a friend is getting married and I don't want my beard making me look scruffy

Morning after .... scruffy beard

As I have no friends today I guess I should give this a go :p

Bored in the bath

So it’s been over a year now, well a year and 5 days since my nan died. I thought I’d be alright but I surprised myself with a sob last week. I also surprised myself more as I’m not a religious person but I took my mum to Peterborough shopping and went to look at the Cathedral. While we were admiring it I asked if we could go in and have a look as I had never been inside. We ended up spending an hour inside admiring everything about it and stopped and lit a candle for my nan. That moment was so peaceful, a complete contradiction from outside the doors with the hustle of Christmas shopping. I felt very tranquil. I didn’t care that no one had asked how I was or if I wanted any company. Just a nice moment to think about my nan and how much she meant to me, it makes me think, now that I don’t have any grandparents about how much a lot of people take theirs for granted. Then I find out yesterday one of my closest friends lost his and it brought it all back. I know people say all the time ‘I know how you feel’ to comfort you and make you feel like you’re not alone but I’ve been there especially at this time of the year when you think about family and bringing everyone together, I know. I know how hard it to enjoy this time of year when you lose someone. People say they are there for you and they aren’t, I always put on a brave face for people as they have problems and they are my friends and this isn't any different as I know he was there for me