bluu.luv



Entry V.X.11 : THU FEB 14 : 1:33:45 : Bluu Snow

Entry V.X.10 : MON DEC 24 : 12:46:39 : Bluu Hate II

we will rise. past the anguish of fear into the divine feminine abundance. let the sins lose their grip.

Entry V.X.9 : SAT DEC 22 11:04:45 : Bluu Hate

Entry V.X.8 : SUN DEC 9 10:14:32 : The Purple Hieroglyphical Render

Entry V.X.7 : THU NOV 15 8:24:23 : Bluu Cyber-Goddess

Might be sad again... I feel uninspired and spread thin. Once again, I healed but my spirit doesn’t want to be complete, so... I feel as if something is running away from me.

Entry V.X.6.1 : SAT NOV 3 9:49:54 : Rinegade Paladin Azul

for my brother...

Entry V.X.6 : SAT NOV 3 9:23:37 : A Rough Time, Trying To Say Goodbye

today i got to see old friends but people change and so do i...***

Entry V.X.5.1 : THU NOV 1 11:42:13 : VENUS V.8

Entry V.X.5 : THU NOV 01 12:41:38 : Sailor Moon, Usagi Tsukino

i’m enjoying my night. sailor moon makes me so happy.

Entry V.X.4 : WED OCT 31 4:35:30 : Sailor Moon Tin Nyanko

Story-Time | Entry V.X.3.2 : TUE OCT 30 9:53:50 : Dark Lord of Drugs

The most fucked I have ever been on drugs was from a time span of a day and a half. So about 30 hours. This is how it went.

On a Friday, I woke up at 8am,  in my school dorm, and I put some clothes on and rolled a cigarette. I headed downstairs to the lobby and walked to the parking garage complex behind my residence building. As I was walking, I bumped into one my good friends. We talked while I smoked and I bummed a regular cigarette from her. She told me that she was getting acid on Saturday and that she wanted to trip with me. I was so excited. So I told her I was down and we spent the rest of the morning together, bullshitting and going from dorm to dorm to see her friends as well as mine. I went and grabbed lunch at the cafeteria and I met up with another friend which always had smoke on him. I asked him if he wanted to smoke up at the top of the garage and he said that he was down. The weather was beautiful by the way. It was sunny, partially cloudy, and the wind was very gentle and friendly. I end up smoking weed at the top, at around 2pm. My other friend had left and she was doing her own thing. I bullshitted my time until about 5 o’clock when one of my other-other friends hit me up and asked if I wanted to chill. Now this friend in particular lived off of the campus and his house was always popping so I expected a party later on in the night. I hopped in my car and drove to his house and began smoking more weed. I was (at the time) very close to this friend in particular and also his roommates. I spent all my time here for the past month and some nights I partied really hard. I finished smoking and I lit a cigarette and walked outside and enjoyed myself. I was so fucking high and it was a perfect day.

At around 7pm I received a message from my best friend, lets call her “Lightning”. She told me that she had a line of cocaine for me to do later on that night at a house right down the driveway. So at around 9pm I went to this house for the first time and there were about 25-30 people my age there. I walked to the upstairs and met a couple different people and I opened one of the rooms and Lightning was hitting a line. She did two and left me one. This was my second time doing cocaine so I wasn’t really nervous, and even if I was, I would’ve done it anyways. 

I snorted the line calmly and went to another room where other people were doing even more drugs. I sat down on this beat up couch and I saw another person I knew. We started talking and he asked me for a cigarette. We head outside and we end up smoking my whole pack in about 15 minutes. Which made him feel like he owed me. We head upstairs and he takes out a bag of coke, beautiful pearly white powder in a plastic bag. Now let me just say, I was already very fucked up. My head felt like it was sizzling and my focus was pin-point. It was a pure head high. Anyways, this guy gives me two fat rails and I hit them both as soon as he set them on the table. And at that point I’m in a full body high. I was aching for a cigarette and I made a mental note to get one from someone downstairs. Now downstairs was packed with about 40 people coming in and out of the house. I stayed upstairs with a couple other guys I didn’t know and my friend who gave me more coke. 

At some point I whip out my phone and I start playing one of my songs. I was excited because listening to things high makes them a bit more interesting. So I guess the guys there started to like it and they asked, who was it by. I told them it was one my songs and that I had just started making music. Which started a conversation amongst all of us. In the process, one of the guys gave me a couple of cigarettes. So I was pretty happy.

Then, he asks me if I do other drugs. I told him that I like every drug except heroin and crack. He takes out this bag and puts all these pills I’ve never seen on the table. They begin shuffling through them and snorting them. The friend that gave me more coke, backs me with two oxycontin pills which were whitish-bluish. I crush them into powder and snort them. Then my “more-coke” friend hands me adderall and I do the same thing with 1 or 2 pills. 

At this point, I was sure I was going to die.

Anyways, we continue talking and we have a good time until about 3am. Then one of the guys asks me if I want to buy weed from him. I had just gotten paid so I was loaded and I got excited and told him I’d buy 6 grams from him. He told me he would match me on some blunts. We go downstairs, my coke friend and this other guy, and we hop in his car and drive to the bank. I take out a bunch of money and pay him accordingly. 

We head towards the college and park at the other garage. All three of us roll personal blunts and a couple other blunts are in rotation. I’m sitting in the back and they’re in the front. I was so fucked up but I felt really good. Then, the guy that drove, dips all the other blunts into a bottle of promethazine/codeine. And I mean, DIP. When I tasted the blunt it was drenched in this sweet candy syrup. We all took a cap full to the face after we finished the blunts.

We finish and this guy drives us back at around 5am. I go to my other friends house and he had a small crowd there. I hop on his couch and I almost close my eyes before they invite me to a game of beer pong. I start playing with them and one of them hands me some of his drink and I start drinking a bit. Not too much. It was vodka and I drank it dry, although I could barely taste it, given the prior events.

I leave at around 7am after I feel comfortable to drive. I hop in my car and can I just say, I was still really fucked up, but I drove back to my dorm anyways.

On my way back home, I got pulled over for supposedly cutting a cop car off. I had stopped at a gas station to buy backwoods blunts for the left over weed I had bought. When I went back on the road, the cop pulled me over for about 10-15 minutes, and they had another cop outside on the other side of my car with a flashlight aimed at my dash. 

I was so fucking afraid but I kept my hands on the steering wheel the entire time and I kept calm through the whole ordeal. The result, the cop gave me ticket which was nollied a year later. I was off to my dorm. I go into my suite and I pass out instantly on my bed at around 8am. I wake up an hour later because my phone was ringing. Then I heard knocking at my door. I get up and there she was. My friend with the acid.

I took 2 tabs.

- Joh

Entry V.X.3.1 : TUE OCT 30 7:49:03 : WHERE IS MY MIND 

Sometimes we put on a happy face for everyone, including ourselves. This disconnect from our true intentions and emotions creates a wedge from our true happiness and love. All of these feeling can hit you at once, and you get lost in this chaotic mental state, making it hard to pin-point what your real problems might be. This illusional state is seductive and can make for a perfect place for disaster. The tragedy in all of this is that most of us going through something similar feel like we are alone. This loneliness festers into more negative emotions, which is our subconscious giving us a taste of what we don’t want. One way to get out this mindset and emotional state is to reach out for help. Whether in person or online, being able to share your emotions and thoughts weakens the illusion that we are actually alone and the helplessness feelings begin to deteriorate. The hard truth is that no one is coming to directly save you and take you out of... you! This entire conundrum happens in your mental/emotional planes. Feelings of guilt, shame, disgust, anger (guided/misguided), anxiety, feeling lost, etc. : all of this happens within in you and if you don’t pay attention to your thoughts and emotions, you can get sucked into this invisible plane of existence. That’s why being around people you trust or socializing can force your mind to let you go as you focus on what is going on outside of your body. Which gives you enough space from all the negativity which then you can use to start thinking positive about the things bothering you. It might seem hard at first and frankly, it is. But don’t be turned off by the complexity of it all, it’s simple and hard to believe, but, if you think positive thoughts, you will become a more positive person. Regardless of the emotions that reinforce the negativity in your life, by thinking positive you’re giving your emotional state something good. Like a toddler who doesn’t want to eat peas, your emotions will react like this because you have only been training it to eat bad food (or negativity). It will take time but I believe anyone can change their lives for the better.

Entry V.X.3. : TUE OCT 30 11:59:07 : The Water Queen, And Aquatic Hathors?

“In, a place I call home. A light form of pure divine energy pulls me into the trembling tides. I wake in a soft cold pit, submerged in the aqua of Mother Nature.

Looking up, I see the light of the sun burning through the film of the sea. I close my eyes in shock as a creature gently brushes past me. I look only to see an old friend, anxious to see me, but at this depth, the pressure of the world holds me in fear.”

I have an odd love for mermaids and water nymphs although they kind of terrify me. The fear I feel is something I can’t quite explain, it’s sort of like this heavy loss of love whenever I dream about or even think about them. Although, I find them to be my favorite mythological creatures because of their close relation to Mother Earth.

I do have a working theory as to where these mermaids went. A month ago I discovered the Goddesses of Beauty and Love, which call themselves the Hathors. Now the Hathors are a divine species which reside in Venus and they are multi-dimensional.

When I was meditating one day, I tried to contact them. It didn’t work. But suddenly, after 25 minutes of sitting in a calm, peaceful state, I heard voices talking to me. I felt a rush of comforting anxiety and to my surprise, three mermaid beings came from behind me and started talking and touching me.

It was really awkward because I’m kind of scared of how mermaids look (even though I find them really attractive, is confusing), but they sensed that and this Hathor being with legs came and sat between my legs.

She was so beautiful and so attractive. She had lavender scales on her arms and breasts and her legs were lavender as well. She had huge eyes and I noticed they were green and her hair was soft, long, and brownish-blackish. Her ears were different than human ears. They looked a mix of goat and cow ears but the skin color was evenly aligned with her light-caramel skin complexion. Her ears were strange but very cute and small in size. She had a cute little mouth and she talked to me without saying anything. We had an interesting experience lol. And once I woke up out of this meditative state, my soul felt crazy.

This experience made me see mermaids in a different way. They were Goddesses of Love, and I presume that at the original equinoctial shift, these beings were so enlightened spiritually that they ascended different planes, which is why the Hathors reside in Venus.

Venus is a terrestrial planet and is sometimes called Earth's "sister planet" because of their similar size, mass, proximity to the Sun, and bulk composition. It is radically different from Earth in other respects. It has the densest atmosphere of the four terrestrial planets, consisting of more than 96% carbon dioxide. The atmospheric pressure at the planet's surface is 92 times that of Earth, or roughly the pressure found 900 m (3,000 ft) underwater on Earth. Venus is by far the hottest planet in the Solar System, with a mean surface temperature of 735 K (462 °C; 863 °F), even though Mercury is closer to the Sun. Venus is shrouded by an opaque layer of highly reflective clouds of sulfuric acid, preventing its surface from being seen from space in visible light. It may have had water oceans in the past,[16][17] but these would have vaporized as the temperature rose due to a runaway greenhouse effect.[18] The water has probably photodissociated, and the free hydrogen has been swept into interplanetary space by the solar wind because of the lack of a planetary magnetic field.[19] Venus's surface is a dry desert-scape interspersed with slab-like rocks and is periodically resurfaced by volcanism. (source)

Who Are The Hathors: I found this article from a guy named Tom Kenyon who has had a similar experience with the Hathor beings. They describe themselves as Inter-Dimensional, Inter-Galactic, fast vibrating conscious energies, here to teach us about the mind-heart relationship.

A Message from the Hathors: This article is a channelled writing of the Hathor’s message through Tom Kenyon. It speaks about a way of experiencing life in a higher dimensional state and it’s quite interesting to read. It’s some really high leveled metaphysical stuff.

*I thought this post was going to be just about mermaids and water nymphs but I’m sure they’re just separate levels of the Hathor’s states of existences. It’s love love, love.

* Also this is my picture I made. Don’t delete the credit pls. thx

Dream | Entry V.X.2.2 : MON OCT 29 5:35:12 : Lacey Kay the Mermaid

I had a dream that touches my soul.

I was in this huge tank, in dim light underwater, with a mermaid that was trying to put me to sleep with a bunch of other people. But I wouldn’t. And she tried really hard. I actually started to like her a lot. We played this game with each other, kind of like tug-of-war. But with actions. Finally I found the 400 people she put to sleep at the bottom of this huge building where there wasn't any water, and I woke them up. We all swam out the tank to a river. We appeared in a city. I guess the whole river was a holographic display of the stages of evolution. Everyone else left to higher ground and I kept walking in shallow water towards the end of the lake past the dinosaur holograms, which scared the shit out of me. Then I saw it. Way back into a deep holographic past: a depiction of the ancient mermaids. 

I walked towards it and I suddenly woke up at a friends house with a bunch of people I only knew in the dream. I met some old friends and when I was headed out someone hit me up on my phone. She claimed to be the mermaid I had the whole experience with. I had remembered what she told me after I freed the other people. She told me she wanted to be with me. I confessed to her that I did as well because I had completely fallen in love with her. 

Anyways, she takes a train to my hotel and we meet up in my suite. She tells me she loves me and that she permanently converted her body to land so she can be with me. We hug and kiss and begin to talk and laugh. It made me feel happy, loved and wanted. All I wanted in the world at that moment was her, as I played with her hair and kissed her some more. She showed me her feet which were tatted green. dark green. And she had beautiful marks around her legs. It was so attractive and mysterious.

Anyways, as all my good dreams have a twist, we had some form of conflict that I didn’t comprehend and suddenly I couldn’t find her. The dream took me to a scene where she had ended far out sea, at the edge of a boat, and the guy sailing this medium sized boat, told her to go back in the water. 

I had been calling her phone the whole time because I didn’t want her to leave and I wasn’t sure where she was. 

She woke up in the middle of all of this and the guy insisted that she get back into the dark water. It was really dark outside. She tried calling me and then...

I woke up.

*i’m sorry Lacey

P.s - This is my edit of a picture of a cute mermaid I found online. It took me a while to make it how I like it, so pls enjoy. Also Lacey the Mermaid didn’t look like the picture. 

Original picture artist : Ayame Shiroi

Entry V.X.2.1: MON OCT 29 3:06:21 : A Question, Already Answered

Entry V.X.2. : MON OCT 29 2:02:49 : Titanium Irony

Wanna know something that sucks as a kid and still sucks now. Not given the time that you feel you deserve. And by that I mean this. Let's say you're a student in some kind of educational system. You go to class and you learn something technical that you can see relates to your life. You spend the next week learning about whatever this is and engulfing yourself in this new acquired magic. It becomes your dogma. Mine is metaphysics. And yeah, I get it, everyone has they're own drive and kink. But regardless, as a kid, those things made you... you. So as an adult, all this magic that you learned in the week or years becomes a passion. Something that no one can take away from you and something that drives you be yourself. And then this happens.

You hit something worth sharing. And I mean it could just be a quote you came up with or a new insight that you managed to eloquently put into words. A feeling that you can explain with art, a new skill or trick that you can do on a skateboard, a new idea that can change the fucking world.

And you muster some courage to expose yourself to someone or something, family, friends, mentors, spirits, whomever it is. And you wait for the right time, the right time to say what's on your mind. And this passion guides and lifts you up and you feel proud of the private adventure you have gone through in your own singular perspective reality. The crazy journey that you went through in your mind and body and soul. How much it has changed and transformed you in the loneliness of your life.

And you go to a person, or a couple people, or you post something online (which can go either way), or you call someone and text them; and you want to just make them understand. And you try time and time again but the ironic thing is that nobody gives a fuck about you.

And it has nothing to do with what you said or how you say it. Nobody wants to give you any time.

No one gives a fuck.

So this fucked up crazy journey you've gone through, in whatever time you do it, is only for you.

It's yours.

And the resolve and insight and knowledge you get from it won't help the people that don't give a fuck about it.

Cus they don't give a fuck about you.

Entry V.X.1.2 : SUN OCT 28 5:09:07 : Dreamy Clouds of Lust & Taste