The true fuckery of life and dreams to go with it.

If You are going to send anyone, send me.

Send me back to myself—stronger than the storms that tried to name me, wiser than the wounds that tried to define me, more intuitive, more free, and unwavering in choosing myself.

Teach my hands to build the life I've been waiting for. Teach my heart to become the home I've spent years searching for.

Send me to love the parts of me I abandoned while trying to earn love from others. Send me to nourish this body, sharpen this mind, honor this spirit, and on the days when the weight of life steals my breath, send me as my own reminder that I have survived every chapter written before this one.

Let me become my own refuge, my own encouragement, my own quiet voice whispering, Keep going. There is still more of you to discover.

Perhaps I've spent too much of my life waiting for someone else to rescue me, when all along You were preparing me to become my own salvation.

And if, in the end, I am all I have...

Then let me become someone worth coming home to.

It was the small acts of disrespect. The moments that made me feel unseen, unheard, and unchosen. Those wounds came long before the bigger betrayals ever arrived.

The hardest part isn't only what she did—it's that she knew why she did it. She understood the motives behind her actions, watched the damage unfold, and never once offered a sincere apology.

Sometimes the deepest heartbreak isn't caused by one devastating event. It's realizing the person you loved had countless opportunities to protect your heart, and chose not to.

And if you're fortunate enough to love someone who has the courage to be genuinely vulnerable to lower their walls and entrust you with the unguarded parts of their heart know that you've encountered something rare. Such souls are not ordinary blessings; they are reminders that grace still walks among us. Consider yourself favored by God and quietly blessed by the angels.

We were sitting in the car, and I think that's the moment we both realized we no longer fit together.

She looked over at me and said our oldest daughter had told her that Tinder was mostly full of men looking for blow jobs. She laughed, then quietly asked, "What am I supposed to do?"

I answered, "At least you can naturally have another child. You're a woman. Society will help you. You can remarry, build another family, even become a stay-at-home wife if that's what you choose."

Then I asked the question that had been haunting me.

"What do I have left?"

I left my family for you. I buried myself inside yours. They never truly accepted me, and if I'm honest, neither did you. But I stayed because chaos felt familiar. I grew up believing love and pain could occupy the same room, so I mistook surviving for belonging.

We drove away in silence.

Four months later, you said, "This is survival."

After everything that happened, after what I learned from the neighbor last night, I finally mourned the life I thought we were building. I mourned what could have been, what should have been, and the twenty-four years I believed were built on something unbreakable.

Yesterday, I cried.

Not just for losing you, but for losing myself.

I cried for every piece of me that learned to hide. Every part that had to become quiet, medicated, or convenient just to make it through another day. I mourned the gentleman I know I am, and the reality that survival now demands I become someone different.

To my laugh—I miss you.

To my warmth—I admired the way you made people feel seen.

To my expressions—the ones that reminded others they were loved.

To my goofy, ridiculous heart—thank you for reminding people they were needed.

And to the original version of me...

Blue. 💙

I am so sorry that, for now, I have to hide you.

But I promise you this:

I haven't buried you.

She knows my cravings, my fantasies, and the things that ignite my passion, just as I know hers. The chemistry between us is so intense that words aren't always necessary. At night, she comes to me because she wants me, offering herself with eager affection and unmistakable desire. We crave each other so deeply that intimacy feels effortless, natural, and mutual. We never have to question each other's desire because we communicate openly, trust completely, and choose each other every time.

I will promise to be a loyal and faithful not only compassionate companion but excellent lover. I promise to make you laugh if you're consistent, and don't mock my ways. Don't mock my prayers,don't mock my sensitivity,don't mock my values and respect me as your husband,I can make you happy.

Also,whoever reads this, I am educated,street smart and book smart. Not religious but spirituality is important, and all I ask is you pray with me and accept my morning prayer for you. Don't mock me, help me understand and build with me. I'll hold the umbrella in the rain,I'll walk with you,ill heal with you (for you) and even send you affirmations.

The love of your life in loading....

A year prior I was working and a coworker said,"what does she do for you other than cause you stress and problems". She asked,what does she even give you on an emotional level. I replied , she does nothing but she makes me feel good as a person.