Money N Diamonds

“I spent so many days suffering, wanting to die, that now, as I am finally learning how to live again, I don’t know how to break the old habits. A drop of a glass, a slip or a fall, and I say: let me just die. But I don’t mean it anymore. Now, I am cleaning up the broken pieces, picking myself up from the floor, and living, even with shards in my shoes.”

“2 years ago someone admitted something that changed the way I’ll view love forever. I thought that things would be different then, but now looking back I’m glad it wasn’t the way I planned things out. My first love was the most valuable, yet the most hurtful. I learned that someone could tell me I’m beautiful and beg me to stay, and I could actually believe the words coming out of their mouth. Or that you holding someone’s hand meant so much more than just intertwining fingers, and could sometimes be even better than kissing. But I also learned some bad things about love. Like falling in love with someone you thought could love you by just the sound of your laugh, is something you should be definitely be certain about. Because not only did it break my heart loving someone who could never possibly love me back, but it broke me to crush the person you use to think I was. And I lost my best friend. I learned that you can do everything right in a relationship, and still be the one who cries themselves to sleep or wonder what in hell you did wrong. Some times love isn’t enough to make a person stay, and it pained me to learn that hurtful lesson. For months after you shattered everything in front of me all I could wonder was I wasn’t enough to make you happy. I learned that crying yourself to sleep almost everynight even though you’re with the person you love, is no way to live. And is almost as heart breaking as when they shatter your heart in front of you. I learned that eventually you do get past your first love. You’ll learned to live without them. To live out your dreams. But you’ll always wonder if they regret throwing you back in to the sea for a better fish.”

I don’t care that you got into drugs for three months straight, or how much sleep you lost in that period. I don’t care that you went home and fucked that person and woke up at 6am hating everything about yourself, or that you smoked so much you sounded as though your lungs were giving out. You’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness. You’re just human, and being human means you need to survive and you do so whichever way you deem fit, fuck everyone else.