love

okay wait so you tellin me i gotta stick this dick shaped thing up my ass because its got some type of fart-filtering technology in order for people around me to not pass out from some bad ass stench?

wait i thought there was some pill already invented where it made your farts smell like roses

okay wait so you telling me i gotta stick this banana looking thing up my ass

i thought someone already invented these pills that made your farts smell like roses or something 😂

That feel when you’re Asian and your father with a bad leg was about to be sent off to surely die in a war for your great empire so you squared up both metaphorically and physically.

Why do you have to come for Mulan like this

It’s called contour sweetie

It’s honestly really embarrassing how Americans are super bad at geography like today my 16-year-old cousin thought England was connected to Canada ???

sometimes i’m like “i should buy some orange juice! i love it i don’t know why i never have it in the house” and then i get some and i remember it’s because some kind of dormant Scurvy Prevention Instinct activates within me like a sleeper agent trained to seek and destroy, except it’s just me standing in front of the open fridge at two in the morning chugging juice straight out of the carton like a crazed citrus gremlin 

Impossible decision

is it okay to smell every single candle when you’re in the candle section of a store? i’m asking for a friend. i’m kidding. i’m not asking for a friend. i was asking for me. and i actually don’t care if it’s okay. i’m going to do it anyway

Poor game design: adding cats and dogs in your game and not allowing for the player character to pet them