my safe place

Digital diary day 6: dreams

Digital diary day 5: missing

crappy drawings to free my mind of the caving thoughts.

Lately I’ve been overthinking about all those chances I have had to make friends that I’ve missed. Back then I thought I would have many more to meet new people and it was okay to let some chances slip through my hands. I thought I would meet someone when I would travel again, when I’d attend another event, when I’d go out, when I’d… but I have been mistaken. All those chances, I should have taken. I should have stayed, I should have smiled and talked, I should have asked for their names. Maybe they were people that I could become friends with, maybe they were my soulmates. But I will never know because I lost them even before I had them.

I was always aware of my loneliness ever since I was very little maybe even 5. Back then I thought I would grow up and make friends and I would never be alone. But now I am 23 and I am the loneliest I have ever been. I think this feeling never leaves when you are truly lonely. And when you are truly lonely, you eventually become very alone too.

It took me a long time to realize that I will be alone for the rest of my life and even longer to accept it. But I finally did. I know that I will always be alone and I am okay with that. In a way, it feels freeing. To finally admit something I knew all along.

Maybe this is what my life will ever be. Maybe this is what my life was always supposed to be.

I am just very tired.

I fell in love with the mountains

What’s the question again? Haha. Sorry, haven’t been here for a while and guess I forgot some things.

Hii, sorry for the late reply, haven’t logged in here for a long time. But thanks for asking, I’m happy you like my blog! I’m from Georgia, a small country in East Europe :)