🖤

gritty takes a dive after a flyers win

5. tyler seguin vs. mark scheifele

i’ve  lost count of who’s winning here (i’m lying, scheif’s winning by a mile but tyler is a big cheater who sneaks back out onto the ice so technically, we’re all winners in this rivalry).

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4. carolina hurricanes (and the entire league) vs. don cherry

the entire league should always be on the other side of whatever ‘opinion’ cherry has, just like, in general. but recently it’s been the ‘canes and their storm surge. cherry hates fun so he called them a bunch of jerks. the canes embraced it. go canes!

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3. Matthew Tkachuk vs. Drew Doughty

speaking of the kings, lets talk about the true king: matthew tkachuk. he probably started this whole thing by you know, elbowing doughty in the face, but honestly, haven’t we all had that urge?? he’s been in drew’s head ever since, drawing penalties and annoying the everlasting fuck out of doughty and it’s so beautiful to watch

this is the smirking face of the kid who just sent his rival to the box while he stays on the ice

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2. Carey Price/Jamie Benn vs. the media

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carey decided he didn’t like the intrusive media (he’s in montreal, who can blame him?) while he had a run of poor play so decided to fuck with them by answering their questions as shortly or abstractedly as possible.

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jamie, on the other hand, has a long-term strategy for post-game media and when he’s interviewed by reporters he uh, let’s say doesn’t see eye to eye with. he lowers his voice to a mumble, speaks strictly in hockey cliches and isn’t afraid to use a flat ‘no’ whenever he feels like it. it’s subtle to the outside observer, but stars fans are used to jamie’s personality hiding behind elevator music whenever he’s interviewed by someone not called mark or razor. don’t even bother talking to him if your name is sean or scott. the media doesn’t even request jamie post-games anymore because he’s such a bad interview. in a world where all hockey players give bland, boring answers, to be the best bad interview is pretty impressive.

1. auston matthews vs carlton the bear

you truly need the audio to appreciate this, but i think it’s safe to say that carlton vs auston is truly a rivalry that will last for at least the five contracted years auston signed on for. i can’t wait to watch it unfold. 

honorary mentions:

jonathan toews vs his own facial hair

tyson barrie vs his own embarrassment