Human went to a conference for 2 days, kitty missed him. (via DangerWallet)
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@blueeyedcuddles
Human went to a conference for 2 days, kitty missed him. (via DangerWallet)

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scottnoblethemetacrisis:
Reinette froze when she felt 20 pounds of cat land on her back and let out a sigh. âCats.â She should have expected this.Â
Turning back to the pile of junk she found a half tuned beacon and grinned. âFarah my dear heart give me a screen? And I need one with a USB port.â The ceiling opened over head and Reinette started back upright. âIâm about to ruin your perch mister.â She warned, standing up as a computer monitor dropped from the hole in the ceiling, setting in front of Reinette as she fell into a chair.
Then she started tinkering. âNow just⌠I need Dadâs signal.â She huffed, turning to the screen, pulling a wire from a pile on the floor connecting monitor to beacon.
After a minute of clicking the screen went black, then began to stream neon green symbols. The red head then turnt to the half done beacon in her hand. green lettering started flashing gold.Â
âAhh âŚâ The beacon started flashing, and as more gold appeared, the beaconâs flash increased in frequency.
â⌠Hah!â The beacon lit up solid red and Reinette bounced pumping her fist. âIâm callinâ you down Jean-Paul come say hi!â
A startled chirp preceded Joss pushing off of Reinette, desperately trying to reach his perch. Claws dug into the carpet, hind legs pedalled, and he eventually managed to hoist himself up with a series of rather scolding meows. To top it off: Joscelyn began cleaning himself in a clearly I am irritated at you manner, the cat equivalent of a disdainful sniff.
The girl was as clever as her father, it seemed. Didnât stop Joss from prraowing loudly, trying to express his dissatisfaction with having his nap and then his perching disrupted, assuming his host could hear the damned cat.
scottnoblethemetacrisis:
Humming happily as she wondered the house, Reinette was snooping about, looking for traces of anyone besides her father living in the house. Scott wasnât one to settle down; that was the same as stopping after all, not unless he had a lover. And she was curious. The people who ended up in her fatherâs bed always ended up so interesting.Â
âOh wow dad, is this really necessary?â - Sheâd found his computer room, a big room made to look very small by the massive amount of stuff left everywhere. âHmm. Maybe thereâs something in here I can useâŚâ Setting the cat down she dug in face first into a pile of stuff.
It was almost funny, how delicately the hefty cat moved as he poked his nose about, double-checking whoâd been in this room, before following RJ. What was she looking for? Stretching on his hind legs, Joss pawed his way up her leg, contemplating the wisdom of trying to climb up on Reinette to have a higher vantage point. âMrrrrraow! Aow!â
There was a cat perch so when Joss was in feline form, he wasnât just directly in Scottâs way all the time, and a chair with cat fur and one of Jossâ sweaters alike on it. But it was more fun to ignore these and try using Scottâs daughter for a perch.
scottnoblethemetacrisis:
âYour a handsome big guy eh?â RJ cooed, lightly tapping his paw before sinking a hand into his fur along his back. âHey hey pretty guy, want to come explore with me?â She picked him up and with a hand petting along his head and neck, started wondering the house. âI wonder what your name is cutie pie.â She mused idly. âI am Reinette Jacqueline Noble - bit of a mouthful eh? Yea, blame dad. Speaking of dad, when do you think heâll be home?â
Being picked up had the 18 lbs. cat sort of melt. Quite literally. His body went limp aside from a faint, curious twitch of his tail as he drooped over the girlâs shoulder, chin on his front paws. âMmmmrrr.â His head lolled to bump against her jaw before a low purr rumbled through his dense, fluffy body. To be honest: he had no idea when Scott was coming back. Joss was Scottâs companion, not his keeper.
scottnoblethemetacrisis:
Reinette Noble blinked, staring down at the pile of fluff on her dadâs floor. Well, this is what she got for just dropping in without a word. Dad never seemed to mind, but sheâd caught him with his pants down so many times now⌠And now this.
Did this version of her dad have a pet? Slowly walking closer she crouched, pulling blood red hair out of her face as she reached out, holding a few fingers out for the kitty to sniff.
âPrrrrraow?â He cautiously extended his neck to bump his nose against her fingers, sniffing a couple of times. She smelled...like Scott, but not like Scott. Not like the food he ate, the things he drank, didnât have traces of Joss in her skin. But she didnât seem like she was about to hurt him, so he lightly batted at her hand a few times with a paw, claws retracted, and squirmed on the floor. âMaaaaaaaowâ

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Down and Dirty
Send me one of the following to find out some juicy details about my museâŚ
đ -Would they rather give or receive oral sex? đ -Do they watch pornography? If so, what kind? đ-Do they use tongue when they kiss? đ-Favorite sex position? đđť-What is an absolute deal breaker in the bedroom? đś-Favorite pet name they like to be called? đ-Do they swallow? đ-Favorite outfit in the bedroom? đŚ-Best place for their partner to cum on/in? đś-Most sensitive place on their body? đ-Daddy kink, yes or no? đ-Ever had an affair? đ˘-Most public place theyâve had sex, or would like to have sex? đ-When and how did they lose their virginity, if they have?
"firefly" starter prompts
âHereâs how it isâŚâ
âIf youâve got a job for us, we can do it. Donât much care what it is.â
âWeâre gonna die.â
âThis landing may get interesting.â
âI remember talking the feds out of telling my father. Or⌠or paying the feds out of telling my father. I get fuzzy on the aspectâŚâ
âThe world was ours, you know?â
âI got stupid, the money was too good.â
âNone of it means a damn thing.â
âIâm a big girl. Just tell me.â
âShe understands. She doesnât comprehend.â
âIf I want a lot of medical jargon, Iâll talk to a doctor.â
âThere were no feds⌠until I started singing.â
âI think Iâve been kidnapped.â
âThank God youâre safe.â
âWhat are we gonna do, clone him?â
âThey wonât be expecting it, âcause they ainât insane.â
âIf it moves, shoot it.â
âItâs okay to leave them to die.â
âNo power in the âverse can stop me.â
âWeâre still flying.â
âSo⌠you guys have met.â
âYou made me love you, and then youâŚÂ I shaved off my beard for you, devil woman!â
âThatâs not much.â
âCurse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!â
âWe have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.â
âHa ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh!â
âIf everything were right, weâd be in jail.â
âSomething ainât right.â
âEverything I have is right here.â
âWe are just too pretty for God to let us die.â
âWhy are you so fascinated by him?â
âDidnât she shoot you once?â
âYouâre gonna come with us.â
âIâm standing right here.â
âThat man is psychotic!â
âMercy is the mark of a great man. âŚGuess Iâm just a good man. âŚWell, Iâm alright.â
âYouâve only got to scare him.â
âI had the perfect crime lined up.â
âThis is all your fault, you know.â
âI might as well become a petty thief like you!â
âAnyone remember her cominâ at me with a butcherâs knife?â
âGirl knows things. Things she shouldnât. Things she couldnât.â
âWell, as a rule, I say, girlfolk ainât to be trusted.â
âIâm not going to live there. Thereâs no place for me there any more than there is for you.â
âI believe in something greater than myself. A better world. A world without sin.â
âIâm⌠trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just⌠itâs not coming.â
âSheâs a liar.â
âDear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocketâŚâ
âPain is scary.â
âI donât like the idea of someone hearinâ what Iâm thinkinâ.â
âSheâs just a kid! And she just wants to be a⌠kid.â
âThereâs⌠thereâs nobody that can help me.â
âYou ever been shot?â
âNothing here is what it seems.â
âI donât murder children.â
âIâm a monster. What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done.â
âI call it Vera.â
âHeâs really very⌠gentle, and fuzzy. Weâre becoming fast friends.â
âWhat am I, your advocate?â
âI need this man to tear all my clothes off.â
âHow come you didnât turn on me?â
âRelax. Iâm not going for a gun or anything.â
âYou oughta be shot. Or stabbed. Lose a leg.
âYou and lipstick are a dangerous combination, if I recall.â
âIâm trying to put this as delicately as I can⌠How do I know you wonât kill me in my sleep?â
âDrunks are so cute.â
âYou will burn in a very special level of Hell. The level reserved for child molesters and people that talk at the theater.â
âAlso? I can kill you with my brainâŚâ
âIâm your wife.â
âRemember. If anything happens to me or if you donât hear from me within the hour, you take this ship and you come and you rescue me.â
âYou understand, Iâm sort of on the clock here, itâs frustrating. â
âThey make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get certified, but they donât make a surgeon get cut on. That seem right to you?â
âI canât keep track of her when sheâs not incorporeally possessing a spaceship; donât look at me.â
âIf youâre being a gentleman, I may die of shock.â
âReady to get off this heap, back to civilized life?â
âI donât think youâd be safe.â
âIf you die can I have your share?â
âI think youâre having a problem with your brain being missing.â
âYou paid money for this? On purpose?â
âI was aiming for his head.â
âHow did your brain even learn human speech? Iâm just so curious.â
âPsychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.â
âTo hell with this, Iâm gonna live!â
âWe meant it for the best⌠to make people safer.â
âIf you canât do somethinâ smart⌠do somethinâ right.â
âBig damn heroes!â
âWeâre not thieves⌠well, we are thieves, but the point is weâre not taking whatâs his.â
âWeâre robbing the place, not occupying it.â
âGoinâ on a year now I ainât had nothinâ twixt my nethers werenât run on batteries!â
âItâs a wonder youâre still alive.â
âWell, I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot, butâŚâ
âI hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta go.â
âYou must be loving this.â
âYou willing to die for that belief?â
âYou take care of me, [other character]. Youâve always taken care of me. My turn.â
âYou wonât tell anyone about me breaking down.â
âBoy, sure would be nice if we had some grenades, donât you think?!â
âYou just may be the most gullible fool I ever marked.â
âYepâitâs a cow fetus.â
âYou are such a boob.â
âScared her away again, did you?â
âMy food is problematic.â
âI think itâs the sweetest hat ever.â
âWhatâd yâall order a dead guy for?â
âI didnât know you were out there.â
âStealthâyou may have heard of it.â
âFirst rule of battle, little one⌠donât ever let them know where you are.â
âA man walks down the street in that hat, people know heâs not afraid of anything.â
âYes, Iâve read a poem. Try not to faint.â
âSheâs our witch.â
âIt sounds like the finest party I can imagine getting paid to go to.â
âIf Iâm gonna wear a dress, I want something with some slink.â
âI can hurt you.â
âLook at the fluffy one!â
âI canât abide useless people.â
âLetâs be bad guys.â
âI aim to misbehave.â
âDo you know what your sin is?â
âI swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.â
âWe have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then⌠explode.â
âHalf of these men wish you were draped on their arm.â
âI must be losing my undeniable allure.â
âYou think youâre better than other people!â
âThese girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How âbout that?â
âYes, sir, Capân Tightpants.â
âDonât fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of character, ask anyone.â
âI know him. And I think heâs a psychotic low-life.â
âDonât you just love this party? Everythingâs so fancy and they have some kind of hot cheese over there!â
âCall me if anyone interesting shows up.â
âI got stabbed! Right here!â
âYouâll have to rely on your winning personality to get women. God help you.â
âIâm a little appalled at her taste.â
âDonât make faces.â
âThe little man loved fire.â
âDonât tell âem what I did.â
âDoesnât the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?â
âDonât care much for fancy parties. Too rough.â
âI will not have it in my house. But, since your motherâs already ordered you one, I guess I should give up the fantasy that this is my house!â
âNext time we smuggle stock, letâs make it something smaller.â
âCan I start getting sexed already?â
âLook, they got boy whores! Isnât that thoughtful?â
âWere I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.â
âTell me Iâm pretty.â
âWell⌠my sisterâs a ship. We had a complicated childhood.â
âNothing worse than a monster who thinks heâs right with God.â
âWell, Iâm not sure now is the best time to bring a tiny little helpless person into our lives.â
âI ainât so afraid of losing something that I ainât gonna try to have it.â
âYou and I would make one beautiful baby. And I want to meet that child one day. Period.â
âHow many babies have you actually delivered?â
âIâm just waiting to see if IÂ pass out. Long story.â
âGonna have to explain that to me someday.â
âI donât care what you believe. Just believe it.â
âWeâre lost. Lost in the woods.â
âDoes that seem right to you?â
âKeep the money.â
âGet this man to the infirmary at once.â
âSeems like a lovely little community of kidnappers.â
âThis isnât our home.â
âThis place gives me an uncomfortableness.â
âYou folks are all insane.â
âWould you be killed in your sleep like an ailing pet?â
âYou gave up everything you hadâŚâ
âIâll get better. Iâll get better.â
âItâs been a big day, what with the abduction, and all.â
âWHOO-HOO! IâM RIGHT HERE! IâM RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME Oâ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH!â
âSomeoneâs carryinâ a bullet for you right now, doesnât even know it. The trick is, die of old age before it finds you.â
âWhen you canât run anymore, you crawl, and when you canât do that, well⌠you find somebody to carry you.â
âTheyâd have to be insane to follow us through here.â
âSorry! Didnât mean to startle.â
âHave you completely lost your mind?â
âWell, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.â
âOh, sweetie, donât feel bad. He makes everybody cry. Heâs like a monster.â
âSomeone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill âem right back!â
âYou are no oneâs property!â
âRemember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?â
âWell, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly cominâ to a middle.â
âSomeone starts poking around, shoot âem. Yâknow. Politely.â
âI realize certain words were exchanged. Also, certain⌠bullets.â
âWhat we need is a distraction.â
âOh, Iâm gonna go to the special hell.â
ââŚI think weâve lied enough.â
âYouâre amazing. Who are you?â
âSome people juggle geese!â
âPromise me youâre gonna kill me soon.â
âWhatâs your real name?â
âI knew you let her kiss you.â
âEnemies? You? No, how can it be?â
âNo one comes through here that doesnât have to.â
âMy God. Youâre like a trained apeâŚÂ without the training!â
âThis must be what going mad feels like.â
âI swear⌠when itâs appropriate.â
âWhat are we up to, sweetheart?â
âIâm fixing your Bible.â
âItâs broken. It doesnât make sense.â
âNoahâs ark is a problem.â
âYou guys had a riot⌠on account of me? My very own riot?â
âYou know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo Iâve ever had to transport, yet by far the most troublesome.â
âYou are not the man I met a year ago!â
âThatâs why I never kiss âem on the mouthâŚâ
âBut she was naked! And allâŚÂ articulate!â
âI got a dumbass stick that sounds like itâs raining, how come you got a wife?â
âOh, you stupid son of aâŚâ
âI know your name, jackass!â
âHe bothers me. I donât know what it is.â
âIf I wanted schooling, Iâd have gone to school!â
âHey, free soup!â
âI am a large, semi-muscular man!â
âI donât belong⌠dangerous, like you.â
âHe just has this idiotic sense of nobility, you know?â
âHe can never just let things go.â
âYou are very much lacking in imagination!â
âI threw up on your bed.â
âYou have no idea! And you never will.â
âWeâre dead in the water.â
âDonât be afraid.â
âSometimes a thing gets broke, canât be fixed.â
âYou donât have to die alone.â
âHe takes so much looking after.â
âYou know I would never have tried to save [other character]âs life if I had known there was a dinner party at risk!â
âLetâs go back to the part where [other character] gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, âcause I donât think thatâs ever gonna get old.â
âEverybody dies alone.â
âYou know, you ainât quite right.â
âNot as deceiving as a low-down⌠dirty⌠deceiver.â
âAt last, we can retire and give up this life of crime.â
âIâm a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.â
âWeâre gonna explode!? I donât wanna explode!â
âShe is starting to damage my calm!â
âHell, Iâll kill a man in a fair fight⌠or if I think heâs gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if thereâs a woman. Or if Iâm gettinâ paid. Mostly only when Iâm gettinâ paid.â
âYou guys always bring me the very best violence.â
âYou shut the hell up right now, or so help me, I will shut you up.â
âThe next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.â
âCan I come in?â
âItâs time to wake up.â
âAh, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat bootsâŚâ
âOne of you is gonna fall and die, and Iâm not cleaning it up!â
âWe just have to find the right treatment for you.â
âHow do you feel now?â
âI think heâs gonna bring her flowers.â
âIâll be in my bunk.â
âYou are so lovely.â
âThey look so glamorous together.â
âI swallowed a bug.â
âWhat was that?â
âPeople donât like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, what to think. Donât run, donât walk. Weâre in their homes and in their heads and we havenât the right. Weâre meddlesome.â
âI aim to misbehave.â
âWell⌠here I am.â
ragdoll_monkey
@spelling-error005
Bioshock Infinite Sentence Starters
 A mix of things said in the BIOSHOCK INFINITE games.
â Iâm sorry. Iâm so sorry. â â Are you going to just sit there? â â You expect me to shoulder the burden? â â Not all debts can be repaid. â â Iâm not busting down any doors. â â I know why youâve come. â â I know how it ends. â â Iâd greatly appreciate it if you would assist. â â One day, a man came to you and offered you a chance at redemption. â â Stop it. Will you stop it!? â â Iâm not here to hurt you. â â Who are you?  â â I never find that as satisfying as Iâd imagined. â â Are you real? â â Feats of wonderment are at the tips of your fingers. â â Iâm real enough. â â You donât want to be here when he gets here. â â Bring us the girl, and wipe away the debt. â â This will end in blood. â â It always ends in blood. â â You killed those people. â â I canât believe you did that. â â Youâre a monster! â â What did you think was gonna happen? â â You think people like that are just gonna let you walk away? â â What am I? â â Itâs a bad place. â â From here on, itâs only gonna get worse. â â Iâm not you. â â What about me? â â Did I ever even have a choice? Did you? â â I will never escape it. â â Itâs like a wheel of blood spinning round and round. â â Youâve come to wipe your slate clean. â â Time will walk backwards before you find redemption. â â Some sins canât be forgiven. â â The deal is off. You hear me? â â It wasnât my fault. I didnât do anything. â â Leave me alone. Canât you just leave me alone!? â â I heard you screaming. â â I was coming to get you. â â Put the gun down. â â I donât understand. â â I never should have left you. â â Shut down the machine. â â What are the odds? â â Weâre not animals, you know? â â Please just donât leave me here. â â Weâve got nothing but time. â
Send me ⊠for my muse to sit in your muse's lap

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Reblog if it's alright for your muse to be given Christmas presents by other people's muses
Evey was chatting animated on her phone, sipping her venti double caramel macchiato with coconut milk when she slammed into a set of strong legs, sending the tiny female sprawling on the sidewalk.
@smolevey | oops THATâS COFFEE | v: little red riding cat
Oh.
Oh shite.
That was a small person.
LikeâŚlike if one of those Starbucks minis were to be made into a personâŚthat was what slammed into his legs. Er. Who slammed into his legs.
â âM terribleh sorreh, mess,â Joss exclaimed, brows furrowing and a sheepish grin crossing his freckled face as he extended his hand to the diminutive woman now sprawled on the ground. âI dinnae mean tâsend ye tâdâkerb. AchâŚor tâmake ye wear what was probableh a loveleh drinkâŚâ
smolevey:
Evey chuckled, attempting to brush the coffee off her sweater. âIts okay, mister. I wasnât pay attention either, so no harm no foul.â She took his hand and let him pull her up. Green eyes went up and she grinned up at the ginger. âEvey.â
He grinned in return and squeezed her hand gently. âJoscelyn. Though some call me Joss. Fâsome reason, et târows people for a loop, me beinâ named Joscelyn anâ all. Yâsure I cannae buy ye a new drink?â
Things I have learned about prostate orgasms this morning
I was doing a bit of research (for fic, obviously). This reddit thread is an excellent resource, but not the only one.
For prostate only stimulation, orgasms tend to be dry, but not always.
Multiple orgasms are possible and there is no refractory period if there is no ejaculation.
Prostate milking and prostate orgasms are not the same thing. With prostate milking, the penis tends to be flaccid and fluid comes out without an orgasm.
Combined penis stimulation and prostate stimulation results in a normal, but usually much more intense orgasm with ejaculation.
You can massage the prostate externally and achieve orgasm, but itâs more difficult as it requires a lot of pressure on the perianal region.
It can take practice to âlearnâ to have prostate orgasms. Sometimes it takes an hour, sometimes it takes 5 minutes. Reported times vary a lot!
There tends to be a substantial, long-lasting afterglow post-prostate orgasm(s), especially after a long session. This is contrasted with ânormalâ orgasms, where after ejaculation, any sexual interest goes to zero.
Most people seem find it very enjoyable, but were initially very hesitant to try it.
The feeling of the orgasm itself is different from an orgasm from penis-only stimulation.
People seem to prefer finishing off a session with ejaculation. After extended prostate stimulation, there is usually a lot of ejaculate in the final orgasm. I quote, from the link at the start of this post, âGet ready to clean up, because the amount of cum that will come out is unbelievable.â
Experiences vary a lot from person to person. Some people have prostate orgasms easily, some donât. Some ejaculate every time, and some never ejaculate at all. Intensity of feelings varies. Time taken to achieve orgasm varies. Some never succeed in having orgasms purely through prostate stimulation.
This has been a PSA.
I feel I have learned things today. Learning is good. I like learning.
Reblog this post if you are a fandomless OC roleplay blog
You shall be added to the roleplay blog masterlist.

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Like You Mean It (2015)