Survival is priority

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. And I don't want to drag you down with me

Maybe I have to stop trying to be happy. Maybe my goal in life should be nothing but not to hurt anyone. Not by talking, not by leaving, not by being a burden

I really thought I would be at a different place by this time in my life. I was so hopeful it would all be better. It's not fair. It never will be

I don't want to do this anymore. Life will forever be hard and I will forever be weak. It goes on and on and on and I can't do this. But I don't have a choice because of the people I love. I don't want them to be in pain

I don't think it will get better. And I want to talk about it but I don't know how to start and I know I shouldn't because it won't change a thing, nobody can help. But I'm downing and I want someone to notice, which will not happen unless I open up, which will only hurt everyone else and not get me the reaction I need

Unlike a couple years ago, I realize that I have a lot of potential and talents. And I don't know what hurts more... Believing there is nothing I'm good at, or knowing I do, but will never be able to live up to my potential because I'll forever be ill

I feel like most people are going down a river, there are crossings to other rivers, sure, but they go down the stream, always forward. I feel like I'm lost at sea. So many directions I could go. High waves, a lot of possibilities, but all I want to do is drown. I don't see any land and I have no idea in which direction to swim.

I still have no idea how to tell people when it gets worse, because what difference would it make? They can't help, I'm just bringing everybody down when I'm honest, so I keep pretending. At the same time I want someone to notice and care. I need someone to make it all better, but that's impossible. So I keep doing what I've always done: suffer in silence. Don't hurt them.

Sometimes I feel so alone, even though I'm surrounded by great people. It's just that my experience with Life is so different then theirs. Chronic illness and really shitty mental health is so freaking isolating, no matter how nice they are, they don't understand. Nobody does. I'm alone in the dark and every other human being is so far away. In the light that I can barely see

The world is ending every day a little more and nothing really matters in the end. Not happiness, not loneliness, not money, not pain. It's all for nothing. Nothing at all

I know it's not going to get better and I know I will die earlier than I'm supposed to. I really want to say I'm trying to make the best out of the time I have left, but most of the time I'm just hoping the "earlier than I'm supposed to" will arrive soon

Why do I feel horrible every time I tell someone about my trauma? Not about the things that happened, but about letting people in on it? Why do I feel so bad?

I've been struggling with my physical health for over half a year now and some days I just wish for them to tell me that they've found what's wrong and my time is running out

When did "I want to be free" start to have the same meaning as "I want to be dead"?

I can feel myself spiraling again. Maybe life isn't shit, maybe it's just me

I don't want this to be my reality anymore. I want to be in a parallel universe, where my pain is less, I have energy to do the things I want to do and a brain that is my friend and not my enemy most of the time. How do I keep going in this world?

I wish I could say "abort mission", move cities and start over. Be somebody else, somewhere else, without me and my problems