there was a period of time where i used to get anon messages saying that i was too fixated on cleaning/school/micro-managing every aspect of my life and trying to control everything and make it perfect. and i'm reading some of those back now and yeah, wow, okay, spot on because i was diagnosed with ocpd in 2020 and now all of my "i just really like that stuff" is just like...okay, that's...not it.

my current least favourite thing is when academics have three names and there is no hyphen anywhere, so i then have to spend a bunch of time trying to figure out if they have two last names or not

i have to put on a swimsuit and get in the water tomorrow for the first time in like...probably a year or so. and i will be rewarding myself with iced coffee before and after in an effort to hype myself up for this and provide a bit of a positivity sandwich to the whole thing.

have i basically turned my new bedroom into nearly a carbon copy of my inpatient hospital room? pretty much. what can i say, i created the best happy/safe vibes there and i want that in my life permanently.

the part of moving into a new place and unpacking where things just look worse (for quite a bit of time) before they start looking better is...not my fave

woke up this morning in my new flat in london and i just...cannot believe that this is going to be my life

taking full advantage of the fact that my therapist had to cancel today and reschedule for tomorrow to just take a really lovely mid-day nap

about once every eighteen months or so, i end up going down a complete rabbit hole about berghain and people’s experiences and tips and the outfits and i will never understand why my brain is like cyclically interested in a club in berlin that i am quite literally never going to go to

i think i'm still in denial that i'm actually going to be moving to london in like...a week

well, i officially have an apartment so i guess i really am moving to london (excuse me while i go and hyperventilate).

hopping into bed to watch something on my ipad on a sunday night after an hour spent doing my everything shower is the most glorious feeling ever. especially bc i also deep cleaned my apartment tonight so tomorrow i will wake up so so so happy at today me.

season one of gossip girl is quite possibly my favourite single season of a tv show ever...literally no flaws, it's actual perfection

every so often, i have these random thoughts of really missing the absolutely unhinged trainwreck that was xojane and i am reminded of how mad i am that you can't even access the archives of that site