i am a normal person

adam’s “these eyes and hands are mine” and all of the implications about his autonomy are so delicious but i love the following line about how it was immediate and unquestionable the second he thought it. as someone whose life is so often tied with the idea that the progress he makes is hard work and hard won it makes it that much more impactful. that kind of certainty is something he has been fighting for since the start but he doesn’t have to prove it to anyone including (or maybe especially) himself once it’s said. it just is. trk eats

From trc Adam's perspective, good treatment from a loved one means any treatment that indicates respect, trust, esteem and intimacy. This is one of the reasons why, while he rages against Gansey for so many things throughout the books, Gansey losing his temper with him and saying fucked up awful things to him is never one of them. Yes, from an audience standpoint, that feels like the worst of his behaviour, but from Adam's viewpoint, it's a neutral aspect of their relationship because it speaks to positive things he sees as more important than the negatives. Being the person whom Gansey, someone who is polite and princely in general and authentic with very few, trusts enough to be his worst self around is something special; it's a position to covet. *If you're going to be mean, be mean to me* essentially. Now with Ronan, someone who is authentic on the surface and generally rude, there is no reason to view that type of treatment as special, and that's one of the reasons why Adam doesn't enable negative behaviors of Ronan's towards him like he does with Gansey (there are also other reasons such as Gansey's negative behaviors ex: control deceptiveness possessiveness are in a way thrilling to Adam, while Ronan's negative traits don't have that effect on him only his genuinely positive traits excite Adam). When with a guy like Ronan it's getting access to his sweet and caring side that's special. Now Blue is neither super kind and sunshiney to everyone nor is she an asshole to everyone and so neither extreme is worth coveting from her (also I do think he has a different *checklist* for women than for men and for people of different ranks), instead he seems to prefer seeking non sexual intimacy and touch as well as someone who can empathize with his pov from her when he's not being incel-like and then things escalate into him trying to achieve validation through their relationship in an incel-like manner (and even in the parts of their relationship where he treats Blue the best Gansey's validation is a big part of how he's approaching her).

when maggie stiefvater said "i miss knowing where i was going" hey maggie stiefvater why the fuck did you say that.

honestly adam parrish is the teenager ever. like bro is 17/18, bisexual, hates his family, wasn't alone but was always lonesome, has a weird relationship with intimacy, has 3 jobs that he dislikes but also loves, is in three situationships, is afraid of being known but couldn't stand to lose his friends, yearns and feels bad about it, is bitterly sarcastic if not completely cynical, forms bonds with random adult figures, has far too many skeletons in his closet, stays up late doing homework, created a random side hustle that did far too well, knows people have a crush on him but ignores it for convenience, would rather give over his soul to an ancient forest than talk about his feelings to anyone, and on top of all of that, is just trying his best to pass AP physics. no one has ever topped this level of 'something for everyone' in a character.

adam parrish never had a bad track. i will be your hands, i will be your eyes. lonesome. thanks for the straight teeth. a place made for leaving. i am unknowable. to feel awake when my eyes are open. with a dreamer. i was here, i exist, i'm alive because i bleed. there were two gods in this church. i am such a damaged thing. i'm awake. these eyes and hands are mine.