My adventures as a cat-loving Canadian

“I still care about him,” she started, when I asked about him. “I mean, how can I not?” Her eyes began to wander to the ceiling. “He was my friend first, before all this catastrophe happened. He cared about me when no one did. He accompanied me when I was alone. He listened to all my mindless ramblings. He made me feel like I was invincible. He defended me. He made me smile even when I didn’t want to.” She glanced at him and smiled a little. “The happiness he brought when he came into my life is much bigger than the sadness.”

The problem is that no matter how hard I try I can’t give up on you, I just can’t. And believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried acting like I am interested in other guys, I’ve tried flirting, I’ve tried it all. But in the end, I’m just comparing them all to you, seeing which one is the closest to everything I love about you. And none of them are good enough in those ways. I still think of you everytime I hear certain songs, or words, or phrases, or do something I used to do with you. I still keep a memory box of all those poems I wrote about you, all the love letters I wrote but never gave you, every doodle I made with you in mind, everything you’ve given me and everything that reminds me of you is in that box. And I still drag that box out every once in a while and reminisce on all those good, magical times. I get lost in them, and I feel like I am about to cry, but I can’t, I’ve cried to much over you. Why? Because I still love you, and no matter how hard I try, that’s not changing, and it honestly drives me crazy because I don’t know if you feel the same.

Just because I let you go doesn’t mean I wanted to.