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chris is a liar and humiliates bug in front of his friends.
warnings.
embarrassment, intoxication, betrayal, lying, being forcefully dragged, half cheating (not an established relationship), chris essentially breaks into bugs house, backing into a corner with implied past abuse (if you squint), yelling, crying, no comfort.
wc. 1.3k
this is also apart of my billie eilish marathon (here)
(— line dividers by @chrisssiren )
|| .au masterlist . navigation . all aus. ||
“There's nothing you can say to convince me.”
“Oh, come on!”
“Its embarrassing. You and your friends act like i’m the loser when you’re the ones purposefully drinking time away.” she pulled herself off chris’ lap and sat beside him on her bed - feeling to him like a punishment for even posing the question.
“I have fun because im not always tense like you are.”
“This isnt convincing me.” she stated blankly with crosses arms.
He sighed deeply, moving to place himself between bug’s legs as she lay flat on her back, pressing kisses to her neck - apologising and begging.
“Chris, your friends dont like me.”
He pulled away - shocked and offended. “What are you talking about?”
“Theyre always, i dont know, looking judgingly, like im pathetic.”
“I’ll fucking kill them, what do you mean they dont like you.” he mumbled his sentence, returning to his comfort place in the crook of her neck.
Chris sighed deeply, relaxing into the feeling of bug leaving scratches on his back.
“Can i see you after?”
She hummed in agreement.
“Alright. I’ll miss you though.”
Asshole. Liar.
There were many words coming to mind once she’d processed the sight in front of her.
“Hey!” she pulled at his friend's collar, making him jump enough that the liquid in his plastic cup threatened to spill out.
“Who is that?”
Her tone was direct - forceful and angry despite her desire not to appear emotional.
“Who?” he kept his eyes on bug, missing her question completely.
“Look where i'm pointing, dumbass.”
Chris was dancing with a girl. Closely, pulling her while she grinded into him. He had a wide, drunk grin on his stupid, lying, manipulative-
“No idea.”
“Thats not helpful.”
“Cant help if i dont know!” he put his arms up in defense, trying to pull away from bug’s grip that refused to move.
“Has he been with her before?”
“He’s been with a lot of girls its hard to keep track.” he laughed in her face. Genuinely finding the question ironic but crushing her heart nonetheless. He muttered a small ‘sorry’, realising his error.
She snatched his drink off him, shotgunning it down in one - preparing herself to walk over to him.
The girl met bug’s eyes before he did, clearly irritated early knowing bug was going to interrupt the fun time she was having. Chris turned to see what she was looking at.
The way he looked at her was like a slap to the face. He was disgusted. Not even at himself - at bug. For existing, for being there - not even saying anything to him and she’d already pissed him off.
He didnt dare say anything.
“I thought you wanted me here.” her voice was likely too quiet in competition with the music, but he heard her. At least she could only assume he did, he still wouldnt say anything.
“What are you doing?” bug tried to continue.
“Chris, do you want me to kick her out?” a voice came from behind bug.
She turned to face another one of chris’ friends, appalled at the suggestion.
“Kick me out? What the fu-”
She turned back to chris - hoping for reassurance, acknowledgement at the very least.
His hand was on the small of the girl’s back and walking her away from the scene. bug could hear her questioning him as they walked. “Who was that?”
“No idea.” he mumbled out, turning back and meeting bug's eyes.
She scoffed loudly, trying not to care, not to cry.
Bug knew he wasnt hers. That was a decision they both agreed on. This wasnt the same as simply not having labels - he humiliated her in front of everyone because he was embarrassed of her.
She felt a grip on the high of her arm, tugging her backwards and away from the crowd. She tried to pull away, not expecting this kind of intrusive behaviour from chris' friends. She was being ‘removed’ as if she was an unwanted spider in a house.
She almost fell backwards from the force of his grip. Bug attempted to push forwards, wanting to chase after chris and demand an answer - but she couldnt get away. Her only idea was to call him back over.
“Chris! Chris! What the fuc-” her voice faltered, giving up on herself. She kept being dragged towards the front door. “Chris, you’re a fucking asshole!”
A few more heads began to turn and see what was happening, watching bug flail around in some guy’s arms as she was tossed around.
“I fucking hate you!” she kept calling, the drink clearly having got to her quickly as she was sure she’d never usually look this desperate if she was sober.
She almost fell down the porch steps when he let go of her. Her tears finally left her waterline, giving her only slight relief.
He knocked on her door. Again and again. He threw rocks at her window. Again and again. He called her phone. Again and again.
She was dismissing chris like he did to her.
His last attempt was to try the front door handle.
“What the fuck? You can't break into my house!” bug spat out, stepping out of bed when chris practically crashed into her room out of breath.
“You're ignoring me!”
“You're a hypocrite! Get out of my-”
“Listen to me.”
He kept stepping towards her, not backing down and practically trapping her in the room with him.
“Are you a fucking psycopath?” she walked backwards, hands reaching behind her until she felt the wall behind her.
“Let me talk-”
She shoved him harshly, watching his eyes widen in shock.
“Dont fucking corner me.” she swallowed the lump in her throat, voice quiet despite harsh words from a lack of confidence.
He put his hands up to the side of him in mock surrender. “I'm sorry, okay? I need you to listen.”
Chris analysed her expression, unmoving eyes as she was trapped playing back the moment before.
“I just wanna explain.”
She shook her head in refusal, hands moving to cup her ears as she dragged her back down the wall, falling to the floor.
“You know you didnt have to pretend to like me. I get it. Im used to it. Im not surprised i just-”
“Im not pretending-”
“I just dont like liars.” her voice spoke back over him when he interrupted.
He swallowed his nerves, staring into her watery eyes. “Im not lying.”
Bug didnt flinch. “Get out of my house.”
“I dont understand!” his arms flailed around frantically. “You didnt want labels either.”
“I didnt! I still dont! The fact you dont see the problem just makes it worse!”
“Explain it to me!”
She scoffed. “You are pathetic.”
His jaw clenched in slight shame. “I want to fix this.”
“No. you dont get to. Congratulations, you no longer have to be embarrassed of me-”
“Im not embarrassed of you!” he laughed through his words as if they were entirely farfetched.
“You said you didnt know me. You denied my fucking existence so you could get your dick wet. I didnt care about the girl. You cared. And you cared more about her than me, i was dragged out the house! It was embarrassing!”
“I didnt want that to happen.” he mumbled, sound not dissimilar to a whining dog.
“It's my turn to be embarrassed of you. Get out my house and never talk to me again.”
“Bug, dont do this.” his voice was lower. serious but afraid.
“I didnt do anything. All of this is your fault. You did this.”
heavily implied and vague descriptions of a car crash, guilt, crying, anxiety, matts very sweet, technically readers fault, panic attack, self hate, partial suicide idealation, mentions of blood and wounds, hospital setting, comfort at the end, kissing.
wc. 1.3k
(— line dividers by @chrisssiren )
|| .au masterlist . navigation . all aus. ||
His heart had stopped.
It was hard to drive knowing it was the exact thing that hurt him in the first place. More than simply hurt him.
The radio didnt help, your music didnt help. Listening to your own hyperventilated breathing didnt exactly help either.
Matt had chosen you. He wanted you with him and as much as you valued it, it came with a lot of pressure.
You weren’t even supposed to last this long; in general and in terms of being in matt’s life. It had almost been cut short and you - the girl who would blow him off to eat your weight in shit food and cry - were still a priority to him.
Of course, all of this was selfish. Conflicted over how you were supposed to now treat a not-relationship with someone rather than focusing on them.
His heart had stopped.
You fixed your hair in the car mirror, feeling selfish once again.
The hesitation you’d tried to avoid your entire life for risk of feeling stupid now corrupted your entire body. You paused at the entrance to his room, mouth agape in slight horror. Swelling, bandages, blood.
“I’m on good meds. Dont worry.” he laughed - he fucking laughed about it.
A frown contorted your face, still stood aimlessly in the doorway. How did he do that? Treat everything like the next step wasn’t a leap away from him?
You used to think he let everyone walk over him. Now you understood nothing could ever do that to him - people could think they were pushing him away, you could think that. Matt never even let himself fall to the floor. He wouldnt let anything hurt him that way.
He sensed your hesitation, giving you his sympathetic smile while he layed down wounded. It was like he knew every thought in your brain, even when it sounded to you like pure sobbing.
“Those for me?”
Your hands twitched on the plastic covering the flowers, small droplets scattered on the surface from the rain outside. You could only respond with a tight lipped smile, water brimming your waterline.
His heart had stopped.
Finally unparalyzed, you forced your heavy feet into the room, taking time to close the door and try to ignore your shaky hands.
you sniffled and let your tears fall as your persona crumbled. He leaned forward in his bed, hands bracing you by holding your waist. One hand pulled away from you to remove the flowers from your grasp, discarding them to the side as he entirely focused on you.
The sobs escaped you involuntarily, you held your hand tight over your mouth to cover the noise and squeezed your eyes shut - the tears spilling out of them.
“I’m sorry- im sorry- i didnt-” you sucked air in sharply having lost all you had. “I dont wanna cry- i cant-”
You were pulled down to sit beside him, feeling his fingers run soothing patterns over your thigh as you cradled your face to cry in it. Matt shifted closer, wrapping his arms around your back to pull you to his chest.
It was awful. Sobbing like it had happened to you. Being comforted as if you deserved it.
“Shh, its okay.” he gently rocked you back and forth. “Please dont blame yourself. Im okay, i promise.”
He couldve been talking broadly - but you heard the depth of his words. There was a reason to blame yourself?
You wiped your tears, breaths hitching but softer.
“What do you mean?”
You pulled your head away from his shoulder to stare at him, watch the way his eyes widen and his words stutter in refusal to leave his mouth.
“Matt.” a warning tone, your head pulling back as if bracing yourself for something physical.
“Its nothing. Its just something you say-”
“But you meant it.” your breaths got out of your control once again, chest rising more rapidly. “Matt, how is this my fault?”
He swallowed deeply, breathing deeply.
“You-” he sighed. “You were supposed to pick me up. My car went to shit so you said you’d drive me home.”
The tears filled your waterline again before you could fully process what his words meant.
“I got an uber instead- a shitty one, obviously.” he chuckled. “We stopped suddenly, there was rain so wet roads; the other car didnt stop in time. Hit the side of our car, my side. Here i am.”
The muscles in your face tensed, tears streaming uncontrollably without you letting out a sound.
“Tell me youre lying. You have to be-”
Matt reached out for you, holding your face to look at him, his thumb wiping your tears as they fell.
“Its okay, i promise its okay-”
“But youre not! No youre not!”
You sobbed deeply and loudly, body failing to hold itself up out of guilt.
“You couldve died! You wouldve died and i wouldnt have even known it was my fault!” your cries grew louder. “Its all my fault.”
“Listen to me. Hey, listen.” he titled your head back at him, you were humiliated that he could see you like this - its what you wanted to avoid and hide from everyone for so so long.
“I didnt die. Dont be sad about something that couldve happened because it didnt. Im not upset with you. I dont blame you.”
“You fucking should.” you spat out.
“Well, i dont. I care about you. Just because you dont or you think i shouldnt care doesnt mean im gonna just stop. Okay?”
He nodded, forcing you to nod with him. He still kept his dog eyes, keeping his sympathy for you even if it irritated him how much hatred you could easily put towards yourself. He pressed his forehead to yours, breathing deeply to get you to mimic it. He kissed over your tears.
“Youre not allowed to this shit anymore.” his voice stayed calm. “You dont get to be rude to yourself okay, be mean to me. Im not going anywhere until you really want me to.”
“I dont want you away, i really dont.” you whispered and let a few more tears fall. “Im so mean, matt, im awful.”
He could only shake his head, his own tears running rivers down his face. “Dont.”
“I just wanna be good, i wanna be like you. I dont understand why you have to put up with someone like me.” you breath hitched in the middle of sobbing. “Youre perfect and i make everything worse.”
You met matts eyes with your sparkling ones.
“I almost killed you.”
He leaned down, shutting up your words with his lips against yours.
It was messy, hard for you to tell if his tears fell on you or your own were just being spread around. You recipcrocated it entirely. like you were trying to let matt eat your soul in return for the pain youd caused him. Your hands grabbed the side of his face to deepen the kiss.
He’d break the kiss to breathe quickly, returning as soon as he could as if you were his life line.
You finally pulled away properly, eyes now holding matts gaze.
“I love you. It doesnt matter to me if you dont think the same about yourself yet, because i feel it.” he sniffed, crying again. “I feel it so deeply. I can help you feel that for you too. Just dont shut me out anymore. please.”
content: after making his biggest mistake yet, chris yearns fully and utterly for a girl out of reach until now.
warnings: lowkey stalker chris, mentions of drugs / overdose, mentions of attempted suicide, kissing, this is just a fic full of yearning — set after this fic, but can be read seperately , inspo from this :>
wc: 2.1k
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Sore. His heart was sore from her absence and the hand he had in it, his face was sore from the bruises.
A part of him wanted them to somehow scar. A permanent reminder of what he caused.
Why did he care so much? She was a random girl and it wasn't like no one had ever taken pills to kill themselves before. His own pills had probably killed someone already - not that he could know for sure, because it's not his business.
Chris sells to people he hates, likes, people who are perfect, people who are assholes - it just doesn't matter. He does his job and tries not to dwell on it because he can't afford to.
Sunny had formed a room in his mind. Following him around like she had actually passed away and turned into an angel on his shoulder.
Same days he felt like a fucking creep, constantly thinking about a girl he no longer had anything to do with. But she was so constant - more consistent than any thought or emotion he had felt.
Eventually he realised he craved her.
Walking around hoping to bump into her, wanting her to just appear there for him - whether to punch him, ignore him or let him treat her right, he didn't care. He’d become secure in the idea his purpose was to protect her, ignoring how badly he’d failed at that so far.
Chris smoked in the alleys opposite from the school entrance. Watch how some days her brother would drive her home, bus other days and reluctantly walk home the rest of the days. He imagined himself intervening but never did.
It became routine for Chris to find a bench he knew she had to pass on the opposite side of the street, all of this just so he could remember she existed outside of his mind.
He was desperate for a glance, her to know he was looking out for her. A part of him was relieved that she never did, afraid she’d find the opposite of comfort in it.
When she was out of sight, he’d sit with his thoughts. A mix of praying for a different life and reminding himself that this was his punishment.
“Hi,” she spoke softly, Chris whipped his head to the side to see her, not having noticed her walk towards him.
He felt the most exposed he ever had been, interrupted from his staring at the other side of the street while he smoked, waiting to see the girl who now stood to the side of him.
He felt caught - hoping that she wouldn’t realise why he had been sat there.
Chris cleared his throat, “Hey,” trying to act casual, straightening his back when he processed himself hunching over.
“Are you um, waiting for someone?” Sunny gestured towards the space on the bench next to him.
He shut his mouth realising it was partially agape - behaving as if he'd had the first sighting of a real life angel, which was obviously the exact way it felt for him, having her so close to him after so long. Chris shook his head, taking a drag to calm his nerves and gesturing to offer her the space next to him. His movements were growing smoother and more confident despite how he felt.
She sat herself down, staring at her lap and fiddling with the hem of her clothing, itching to speak but not yet scratching it. Chris felt the exact same way.
“Im,” she breathed to calm her nerves. “Im sorry about my brother.”
He looked over to her, noticing the glassy sheen of a heartbreaking mix of guilt and sympathy over her eyes.
“It’s fine, I deserved it anyway,” caring more than he wanted to admit out loud but revealing himself anyway.
She seemed completely shocked by his words. “What? No you didn’t-”
“You could've died.”
“And I wanted to. I don't think you give a sanity check to everyone you sell pills to.”
“That doesn't matter. My pills, your injury, I get punched in the face.”
“So, we’re even.” she stated gently, an amount of joy and calm in her voice that Chris couldn't understand.
“What?”
“I forgive you. I-if you were wondering.” she watched his body tense up all apart from his eyes. He stared kindly like it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him - like he needed it. “I don't think you should have to be forgiven but, if that's what you need then I forgive you.”
Chris stayed quiet, processing the fact that it was exactly what he wanted to hear, despite not feeling like he deserved it. He faced forwards, taking another drag and breathing deeply.
Sunny slowly stood up, wondering if she had pushed too far and made the conversation weird. She brushed off her clothes to make sure she looked okay, grabbing her bag from the side of her.
Chris only looked up at her when she walked away, eyes meeting hers when she turned back to check if he was looking. She gave a small smile as she kept walking, which Chris unwillingly mirrored.
He needed her more now than ever before.
Matt and Nick were talking, Chris wasn't listening.
“And we can get there for 7 and- Nick, he’s not fucking listening.” Chris hadn't even noticed the conversation turning to him.
His brothers stared at him intently, waiting for him to look up and notice.
“Jesus, what the fuck?” when he did look up, their focused gazes made him nearly jump out of his skin.
“We’re talking to you, Chris, are you dumb?” Nick spat out, wanting this conversation over with just a little more than Chris did.
“What's wrong with you?” Matt spoke slightly more gently, watching the way his brother pushed at his forehead to relieve his headache.
“Doesnt matter.”
“Chris.” Nick ordered.
He sighed, rolling his eyes but following orders anyway. “I sold a girl some pills and she tried to kill herself with them. Almost died and it's my fault.”
“That was you?” words fell out louder than Matt had intended.
“Yes and I feel like shit already, you don't need to make it worse.”
“Okay wait, how is it your fault?” Nick began his attempt to use logic to comfort his brother. “She wanted them and you sold them. you didn't know she was gonna use it for that.”
Matt vocalised his agreement with Nick while Chris worked up the courage to give away the last piece of detail, making it more definitively his fault.
“She told me she needed enough to kill someone.”
“Okay, youre just a fucking idiot.” Nick laughed from both confusion and to relieve the tension building up in his body.
“She had fucking bruises, I thought it was for someone else!”
Chris had turned the conversation into silence, a moral dilemma shutting everyone up. A part of him was glad for the silence, until Matt broke it.
“Why don't you talk to her? And you could- and he’s walking away.”
The rain was hammering down and Sunny was late.
Chris had parked opposite to the school entrance, waiting to catch a glimpse of her but ending up enduring the irritating choir of people leaving classes laughing and talking, as if they were vaguely interesting. He was growing concerned on her whereabouts until he saw her running out the doors, art book in hand.
She sprinted down the street, making Chris wince in preparation as she seemingly didn't care of the likelihood she could slip from the wet concrete. Raincoat held over her head as if she hadn't had the chance to put it on properly. she ran but had to watch the bus leave the stop before she could get remotely close.
A frown formed on her face, turning into a gasp when she realised how soaked her sketchbook had got. She hurriedly covered the book with her coat, letting herself get hit by the rain and looking like a sad abandoned wet dog.
He watched intently, forgetting he could be looked at too.
When she met his eyes, his whole body flamed up. He let them hold the gaze for a moment, conflicting thoughts on what to do. Her eyes seemed to silently beg.
With the car window down, he gestured his head to the side to signal her to cross the street to get to him. Chris leaned over the console to open the passenger when she got close, meeting Sunny's eyes as she climbed in.
“You good?” he spoke out despite the lump in his throat.
“Yeah, um, sorry i-”
“Dont worry about it.” he comforted, earning a small smile from her. “Your book thing okay?”
“Oh! Yeah, it's okay, I just didn't wanna ruin it walking home,” she laughed.
“It's okay, I get it. I owe you anyway.” he finally returned her smile, still a little unsure of himself.
It was unlike him to laugh, the sound foreign as it slipped out.
On the drive to her house, Sunny unknowingly demonstrated her ability to fully relieve the tension in his body. Talking about nothing and everything at the same time, giving Chris glimpses of parts of her life that he didn't know about. The life of hers that he wanted so badly to be involved in.
His heart broke a little when they reached her house.
“Did you wanna come in?” until she managed to fix it all over again.
“I, what about your brother?”
“Not home.” Her eyes begged again, a small waiting smile as she blinked up at him like he meant something. “You owe me, you said so.”
“Yeah,” he spoke softly, watching her smile grow when he answered, “Okay.”
Sunny was nervous as she let him into the house, hoping she remembered correctly that she didn't leave her room in a mess.
She explained the various rooms, essentially walking him upstairs. This type of routine wasn't new for Chris. However, he was sure he knew what type of girl Sunny was, and that wasn't the message she was intending to send.
The door opened to her clean room - Sunny invited him in, almost proud of her space.
Chris hadn't had time to notice the scattered details when he was there before, trinkets that were so fully Sunny that he wished he could permanently be in her space.
“I have a question.” she spoke softly as he scanned her room, interrupting his thoughts. “Have you, um, been following me?”
He was taken back by the question. It wasn't an exact yes but he couldn't fully say no.
Sunny walked to place her belongings on her desk and herself on her bed, letting Chris decide whether to lie or not.
“I don't follow you, I just- Watch.”
“I just wanna know why.” She invited him to sit next to her.
“I guess I just felt bad.” he rested his head back on the headboard, hiding from her eye contact.
“You really don't need to feel bad.” she frowned, eyes magnetising his as they met each other’s again. “I’m okay.”
In the second between his next action, he felt like his soul might burn and die if he didn't close the gap between them. Chris leaned forward, hand gentle as it held her face. His lips met hers, moving to hold the back of her neck and deepen the kiss once she’d reciprocated it.
Just the kiss was enough for Chris to know he could die happy - having been deemed worthy enough by Sunny to share that with her. Then he remembered who he was, and what he’d done - breaking the kiss and taking the opportunity to stare into her eyes.
“Why’d you stop?” her sad voice felt like a punch to the gut, but that he would've preferred.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why though?”
“I’m not good, I can't be good for you.”
“Please don't say this is about the pills-”
“It’s everything. You should be safe.”
“It's just a kiss.” Chris wasn’t sure whether her words hurt or helped. “We don't have to figure anything out right now.”
He hesitated. This clearly meant a whole different thing to Chris than her, but he was definitely going to take anything he could get when it came to her. He previously thought he was doomed to watch her live on after he almost killed her, but now she was staring up at him, waiting for another kiss.
“Can I kiss you again?” Sunny smiled widely in response.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
bee loses her mind when she gets lost in the woods.
warnings.
themes of psychosis and hallucinations, panic attacks, yelling, police officers, chris is angry (not at bee), "talking" trees which id say are quite disturbing, theme of lost mental sanity and confusion, situations with implied danger of death etc, lots of crying, slight comfort at the end? *for context, bee already suffers from hallucinations, they are just amplified because of the situation shes in.
wc. 1.8k
this is also apart of my billie eilish marathon (here)
- thank yew to @mattsstarlet and @slushysturniolo for reading through this :>
(— line dividers by @chrisssiren )
|| .au masterlist . navigation . all aus. ||
Chris was completely willing to punch the shit out of him.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
His brothers tilted their heads downwards in apology to the officer - and in embarrassment. It only fueled chris’ anger further.
Nick tried to place his hand on his shoulder to comfort him, getting jolted back when he was slapped away.
“People dont just disappear. There's more you can do! Why aren't you doing it!?”
“Sir, we promise we are trying our best-” chris threw his hands up exasperation and in disbelief. “-we understand this is a difficult situation-”
“It’d be a lot fucking easier if you did your fucking job!”
“Chris. you need to calm down.”
Once again, nick's actions were useless, spiralling chris' anger further to the point of him storming out the house.
Chris knew his brothers would be apologising to the officer now, as if his words werent valid; As if he was the one acting ridiculously. He assured himself over and over that everybody else was the ridiculous one.
He found an alley to hyperventilate in, gripping the walls, jealous of its ability to stand itself up.
It wasn't exactly like he was drowning - that would mean if he tried hard enough he could see the surface - visible but out of reach. Chris didn't have a surface. He was suffering with no way out. It felt closer to choking, suffocating in the pitch black; waiting for his inevitable end.
He didn't want it to end. Not with her still gone.
It wasn't what he was used to. Lived for so long with that pathetic state of mind - convinced the world was small enough that he couldn't lose anyone he loved.
Chris had always had everyone he needed at arms reach, now she could be everywhere but. So much space for a world with no air left for him.
Aimless, hopeless wandering. Pushing foot in front of foot with purpose as if she had any. As if she hadn't already lost her mind.
She's going the wrong way-
The trees laughed at her. Enough sanity left at the very least to know they weren't supposed to. She rolled her eyes and kept walking. High-pitched cackles attacked her eardrums, causing her to slap her hand over them.
“Shut up! Shut. up. You don't talk.”
They died down enough that she felt their gaze, spiritual eyes burning into the back of her skull as she marched through the undergrowth. It was practically useless gibberish, yelling her self-deprecating thoughts over and over - determined to shrink her down to the point she'd give up. She had somewhere to be. She wouldn't stop for talking trees.
Her stomach churned, eating at itself and holding her back.
Don't stop. You can't stop or he’ll get you.
Bee walked a little faster, muttering something about how they were liars. They were crazy.
Abrupt laughter broke out once again, she cupped her ears and started sprinting to escape the noise. Twigs snapped and twitched as she moved, feeling louder and louder as if they were breaking inside her skull - breaking apart her thoughts and any sense of sanity she had left.
She heard one that couldn't have been her own.
Limbs turned into weights, she unwillingly paused.
Slowly peering over her shoulder and everywhere around her. It had gone dead silent without her noticing. Painfully quiet, hearing her blood rushing in her body louder than any logical thought.
Another snap awoke her, legs pushing her forwards until she ran with all the strength she could muster up. She heard another pair of legs, giving her an increase in momentum for her to charge forwards. She saw light peering brighter through a gap in the trees. She headed straight for it, beginning to hear just how rapid her breath had gotten.
Bee forced the branches apart, stepping out just before a main road. Cars weaved fast across the highway preventing her from crossing. The bushes called back to her, gasping and wailing from how close she was to leaving.
No one had run out to catch her. She wasnt even sure if anyone was actually trying to. Regardless, she knew it wasnt safe.
You dont know where to go.
“And you do?”
They were silent, offended. They formed their own faces, pulled mouths as if trapped screaming without sound; at least some of the time.
She watched as their mouths opened deeper, complete anger in the expression.
“Do you answer questions?”
Some of us do. Some of us lie.
More laughter. More mocking
She was literally talking to trees but it was all she had.
“Is he gonna find me?”
She shimmied herself down, resting against one of the few trees that wasnt obsessed with taunting her with words it wasnt even supposed to be able to say.
Bee let her hands wander the forest floor, desperate to not fall asleep for another night. She needed to be vigilant - able to protect herself if the noise earlier had actually been someone following her.
A pile of twigs was slowly forming next to her, a sequence of grabbing one to break off and sharpen its end for defence. It was all she could do, make a supply of weapons she’d most likely be too scared to use.
She mumbled to herself. Mostly nonsense that she was barely processing herself.
“If Chris was here, he’d help me out. I wouldnt be left with stupid trees for company. Ones that wont even help. I have a job to do. Maybe just one more? In case- OW- fuck.”
Just as the cut on her finger began to bleed she heard the rustling again. Not the light movement from the wind - heavier, more human.
At this point she wanted to wait. Bored. Fucking bored of the complaining from the trees and the voice in her own head.
In her dazed state, she forgot to process the possible outcome of it being genuine danger. She forgot she wasnt in a movie - if something was going to happen, it was going to happen to her.
“Bee?” he called out.
Her body shook with pure terror. He wasnt here. He couldnt be. This was a sick and twisted hallucination - she refused to give in to it. The limbs she barely recognised as her own, began moving - hesistatant but they moved nonetheless. She hid behind the tree, whispering yells into the bark for it to respond.
“Is he real? Please, please, he cant be real, he’s a liar- he’s fake-”
The branches cracked closer, echoing and scaring off birds. Apparently she had this reaction in common with the animals, darting with the most hurried sprint she could muster in the complete opposite direction to chris.
Bee recognised one of the trees, which made her feel even closer to pure insanity - remembering the wails and the hatred in its eyes it had all for her. But it had spoken, and she needed someone to answer her.
She kneeled in front of it, pure and utter begging.
“Is he here? Is he-” she broke down sobbing, head on the wood as she gripped the material, mud and shreds of the tree finding place under her fingernails. “I wanna go home- i want the real one.”
Her voice softened as she cried, straining her vocal cords over her body’s need to exhaust itself through tears.
Chris couldnt understand the sight in front of him.
He heard her mumbling, crying into the tree as if it would be of any help to her. He didnt question the running away, glad she didnt risk finding out if it was him - there was likely another universe where it wasnt.
But this - none of it seemed logical. His concern grew heavily despite the relief in seeing her alive.
“Bee?” he repeated again, voice more tender and kind as he knelt to her level.
“No.” she spat out.
“Whats going on-”
She hit the tree as if it had offended her, head turning to the side and faced opposite to where chris was.
“A-are you hurt?”
“A-are you real?” she mocked his stutter, mocking his entire being as to her it truly wasnt. It was a mimic of him, nothing close to the value of the real thing.
He understood her hesitancy, but not her anger.
“Yeah- yeah its me um, look.” he reached his hand out.
Chris felt entirely stupid. How do you prove you're real? He knew he was, but he cant just tell her that he is.
She finally turned in his direction, faced covered in some kind of dirt dust which made her tears all the more evident. He’d reached his arm out, hoping touch was convincing enough.
Bee grumpily arose from her place on the floor, finding a twig to give her a sense of seriousness.
She pointed it at him, making chris chuckle a little out of pure confusion. He shuffled himself further back against the tree as it seemed was her request for him to do. She jabbed at his chest in an accusatory manner, unintentionally comedic.
“Hand.” she commanded, holding back tears but still sniffling.
He reached it out slowly, presenting it to her. He nibbled at his lip out of nervousness - what if his hand wasnt hand enough? What would he do if she dismissed him as not real and sent him on his way, while she stayed awaiting the real chris to find her - the one that was already sat in front of her.
She cautiously reached her own hand towards his, grip still trying to remain steady on the twig to keep her control of the situation.
The moment she touched him, she couldve weeped. If he was fake she could barely care anymore.
He was warm, soft and gentle as he slowly leaned to pull her into a hug. She choked on her cries, attempting to refuse to let them fall. When she heard the sounds of chris sobbing, she let her own fall too - pulling him closer before he could fade away as she was mentally predicting. Breaths stuttering like she was learning for the first time how to.
Chris held her tighter - not having entirely been sure that she was real either.
─── patient reader doesn't know who she is, where she is or how she got there. she's monitored by scientist matt who knows much more than he'll tell her. how dedicated can matt stay to his cause when he falls in love with her?
("confidential" dividers by @bernardsbendystraws)
PREVIOUS // AU NAV // NAVIGATION // ALL AUS
CONTENT: patient reader wakes up abruptly and spirals out of control. how far will scientist matt go to keep her there?
WARNINGS: human experiment, hallucinations, panic attack, yelling, arguing, use of needles, memory issues.
WC: 1.3k
File 367
Patient code 004 version 67
a hand startled you awake. you pushed the shadowy figure away, scrambling around to push off the heels of your feet to reach the corner where your bed and the wall met. you braced yourself - forearms shielding your face and cradling yourself in the fetal position.
the silence was loud. no second contact or voices, just the sound of your own heartbeat.
you flattened your palms over your face, slowly turning to face the other side of the room blindly. you cautiously parted your fingers and peaked through the gaps. the same blank walls youd been left with the night before. nothing had moved or changed; unless you counted the sinking feeling in your stomach.
you attmepted to pull the covers tight around yourself. swallowing down the frog in your throat as you tried to maintain your calm despite the frustrating uncooperative behaviour of the material.
you pulled it out from under your limbs, beginning to rush your movements without being entirely sure why.
the abrupt sounds froze you in fear.
it repeated again, two knocks on your wooden door.
do you open it? do you hide? do you-
he pushed it open and stared blankly at you.
“you okay?”
matt was carrying a tray of various breakfast foods, stood awkwardly letting the door shut itself. he placed everything down on the floor by your bed, movements slow as if you were a spooked animal.
his confusion turned to concern. your unresponsive wide blinking eyes held his as he sat beside you.
your chest rose with your deepening breaths, desperate to ask questions but an inability to do so. matt didnt push, eyes gentle and patient.
you parted your lips to speak but its as if you had swallowed them, forcing only a choked sob out. pressing your lips together and gripping matts shirt sleeve, you tried to regain control.
your blood ran hot. it felt like infection running through your veins, acid melting you down and killing you in a split moment.
he placed his palm gently against your cheek, the same hand you were gripping the wrist of.
you punched at your own chest.
nothings working. fix it. please fix it. fix it.
matt grabbed that hand, protecting you from yourself.
his mouth moved but you couldnt hear him. you choked on your own breaths.
matts chest rose in exaggerated movements, eyes focused solely on you as he tried to encourage you.
he shifted your hand onto his chest. very subtle but nonetheless there, you felt his heartbeat. you subconsciously mimicked his breathing.
“you're okay,” you finally heard him. and it broke you.
tears streamed down your face as you mumbled your way through an explanation.
“someone was here” you cried out. “he grabbed me- he grabbed me-”
matt cradled your face in his palm, catching your tears with his thumb.
“No one was here, i promise.”
“I felt it.”
He tilted your head to look at him. “You’re safe. No one was here, okay? Its just me. Its just me.”
“I didnt see him but i- i felt it- i dont wanna feel it-”
He pulled you close to him to cradle you, to held onto him tightly. Matt was a little shaky, a hint of guilt in his grasp.
“I thought we had time- i thought it was working.” he whispered out.
Your body froze. Now feeling entirely claustrophobic as oppose to protected.
You pushed at his chest - just enough to separate yourself.
“Its your fault.”
Matts eyes widened in fear, occasionally darting to view the door. He hadnt locked it.
“Im helping you. Im protecting you.”
Everything moved fast. Your grip on the tray of food and losing it happened in a second.
“Its not working!” you yelled out as everything dropped to the floor. Food and drink mixing as it ran down the surface, fitting into all the creases.
Your hands locked in the shape of claws. As if you were holding something, or about to scratch or fight.
“It will, it will-” he tried to reassure you.
You stared shell shocked at the mess you made, watching the way it travelled closer and closer to the door; leaving the room. It could leave the room. Could you?
You didnt realise you were following it until you felt him grab the back of your neck.
A sharp prick before you fell to your knees, into his arms, his control.
“What did you do-”
“I had to.”
“No.” you slurred your words, vision sparkling as matt tried to calm you, gently holding your face.
“Its too early, i didnt want to.”
“What.. what a-are you,” you sobbed once again. “Whats happening to me?” tears followed their routinely path. Matt stuck to his self proclaimed role of catching them.
“Im gonna get rid of the shadows, okay?”
You could only shake your head. He was a liar. He had to be.
“I promise.”
“W-why?” opening your eyes was too painful, beginning to feel them swell in your skull.
“They said it wouldnt work. I-i knew it would. They said to leave you a-and i couldnt.” matt began swallowing down his own sobs. A man melting from guilt as you layed feeling like you were dying because of him.
You tried to mouth the movements a few times before sound escaped you. “F-fix it. Fix m-me.”
***
File 370
Patient code 005 version 01
“Can you state your name?”
The lights were too bright, burning an imprint in eyelids. You stared at the tiles. You couldnt really think of what else to do.
You heard buzzing. Maybe that was the light too. maybe it was the machine.
“Do you know your name?”
You looked at the table. It looked rusted, the metal bars you were usually cuffed to were gone. So was the machine.
You finally met his eyes. You mustve looked dead, body tilted in the chair as if you were fully willing to fall from it. matt hadnt shaved, eyes red from exhaustion and fear. He was still scared.
“‘m not supposed to, arent i?”
Empty. You felt empty, and drained. Matts expectant eyes didnt fill you with betrayal anymore. You didnt care. You just wanted it all to end.
“What? You want a fucking score?” you spit out. He barely gave you a reaction when you wanted one. "no cuffs this time either?”
the muscles in his face twitched, clearly trying to hide any hint of emotion but doing the exact opposite. he didnt answer.
you shifted around to rest your head in the crook of your elbow against the table, peering up at matt.
You felt desperate to talk his ear off rather than spend time in that dark room youd be left with. he'd tried to remain stoic, following the idea of repetition to avoid spoiling the process. it was hard to maintain that idea when youd stopped staring directly through him.
“what file is this then?”
Matt hadn't done his usual robotic talking to the machine; ‘code blah blah blah’. he gave you full control of the conversation - which was frustratingly boring.
“file 370.”
you hummed in response. again, boring.
“can i.. see your notes?”
surprising, he pushed them over to you instantly. plain. you searched across the files and the pages of his notebook but there was purely nothing. he'd taken precautions this time.
you met his eyes once again. practically shaking in his seat, eyes darting across various places in the room and table to avoid yours. had he always been this emotive?
“what is your problem?”
he refused to respond.
“what's going on?”
he took a deep breath, leaning forward in his chair causing you to jolt back in vague defense.
“how much do you remember?”
“I remember you fucking stabbed me with a needle and i-”
“youre not supposed..” his voice faded out seeing your expression shift again.
─── patient reader doesn't know who she is, where she is or how she got there. she's monitored by scientist matt who knows much more than he'll tell her. how dedicated can matt stay to his cause when he falls in love with her?
("confidential" dividers by @bernardsbendystraws)
PREVIOUS // AU NAV // NAVIGATION // ALL AUS
CONTENT: patient reader wakes up abruptly and spirals out of control. how far will scientist matt go to keep her there?
WARNINGS: human experiment, hallucinations, panic attack, yelling, arguing, use of needles, memory issues.
WC: 1.3k
File 367
Patient code 004 version 67
a hand startled you awake. you pushed the shadowy figure away, scrambling around to push off the heels of your feet to reach the corner where your bed and the wall met. you braced yourself - forearms shielding your face and cradling yourself in the fetal position.
the silence was loud. no second contact or voices, just the sound of your own heartbeat.
you flattened your palms over your face, slowly turning to face the other side of the room blindly. you cautiously parted your fingers and peaked through the gaps. the same blank walls youd been left with the night before. nothing had moved or changed; unless you counted the sinking feeling in your stomach.
you attmepted to pull the covers tight around yourself. swallowing down the frog in your throat as you tried to maintain your calm despite the frustrating uncooperative behaviour of the material.
you pulled it out from under your limbs, beginning to rush your movements without being entirely sure why.
the abrupt sounds froze you in fear.
it repeated again, two knocks on your wooden door.
do you open it? do you hide? do you-
he pushed it open and stared blankly at you.
“you okay?”
matt was carrying a tray of various breakfast foods, stood awkwardly letting the door shut itself. he placed everything down on the floor by your bed, movements slow as if you were a spooked animal.
his confusion turned to concern. your unresponsive wide blinking eyes held his as he sat beside you.
your chest rose with your deepening breaths, desperate to ask questions but an inability to do so. matt didnt push, eyes gentle and patient.
you parted your lips to speak but its as if you had swallowed them, forcing only a choked sob out. pressing your lips together and gripping matts shirt sleeve, you tried to regain control.
your blood ran hot. it felt like infection running through your veins, acid melting you down and killing you in a split moment.
he placed his palm gently against your cheek, the same hand you were gripping the wrist of.
you punched at your own chest.
nothings working. fix it. please fix it. fix it.
matt grabbed that hand, protecting you from yourself.
his mouth moved but you couldnt hear him. you choked on your own breaths.
matts chest rose in exaggerated movements, eyes focused solely on you as he tried to encourage you.
he shifted your hand onto his chest. very subtle but nonetheless there, you felt his heartbeat. you subconsciously mimicked his breathing.
“you're okay,” you finally heard him. and it broke you.
tears streamed down your face as you mumbled your way through an explanation.
“someone was here” you cried out. “he grabbed me- he grabbed me-”
matt cradled your face in his palm, catching your tears with his thumb.
“No one was here, i promise.”
“I felt it.”
He tilted your head to look at him. “You’re safe. No one was here, okay? Its just me. Its just me.”
“I didnt see him but i- i felt it- i dont wanna feel it-”
He pulled you close to him to cradle you, to held onto him tightly. Matt was a little shaky, a hint of guilt in his grasp.
“I thought we had time- i thought it was working.” he whispered out.
Your body froze. Now feeling entirely claustrophobic as oppose to protected.
You pushed at his chest - just enough to separate yourself.
“Its your fault.”
Matts eyes widened in fear, occasionally darting to view the door. He hadnt locked it.
“Im helping you. Im protecting you.”
Everything moved fast. Your grip on the tray of food and losing it happened in a second.
“Its not working!” you yelled out as everything dropped to the floor. Food and drink mixing as it ran down the surface, fitting into all the creases.
Your hands locked in the shape of claws. As if you were holding something, or about to scratch or fight.
“It will, it will-” he tried to reassure you.
You stared shell shocked at the mess you made, watching the way it travelled closer and closer to the door; leaving the room. It could leave the room. Could you?
You didnt realise you were following it until you felt him grab the back of your neck.
A sharp prick before you fell to your knees, into his arms, his control.
“What did you do-”
“I had to.”
“No.” you slurred your words, vision sparkling as matt tried to calm you, gently holding your face.
“Its too early, i didnt want to.”
“What.. what a-are you,” you sobbed once again. “Whats happening to me?” tears followed their routinely path. Matt stuck to his self proclaimed role of catching them.
“Im gonna get rid of the shadows, okay?”
You could only shake your head. He was a liar. He had to be.
“I promise.”
“W-why?” opening your eyes was too painful, beginning to feel them swell in your skull.
“They said it wouldnt work. I-i knew it would. They said to leave you a-and i couldnt.” matt began swallowing down his own sobs. A man melting from guilt as you layed feeling like you were dying because of him.
You tried to mouth the movements a few times before sound escaped you. “F-fix it. Fix m-me.”
***
File 370
Patient code 005 version 01
“Can you state your name?”
The lights were too bright, burning an imprint in eyelids. You stared at the tiles. You couldnt really think of what else to do.
You heard buzzing. Maybe that was the light too. maybe it was the machine.
“Do you know your name?”
You looked at the table. It looked rusted, the metal bars you were usually cuffed to were gone. So was the machine.
You finally met his eyes. You mustve looked dead, body tilted in the chair as if you were fully willing to fall from it. matt hadnt shaved, eyes red from exhaustion and fear. He was still scared.
“‘m not supposed to, arent i?”
Empty. You felt empty, and drained. Matts expectant eyes didnt fill you with betrayal anymore. You didnt care. You just wanted it all to end.
“What? You want a fucking score?” you spit out. He barely gave you a reaction when you wanted one. "no cuffs this time either?”
the muscles in his face twitched, clearly trying to hide any hint of emotion but doing the exact opposite. he didnt answer.
you shifted around to rest your head in the crook of your elbow against the table, peering up at matt.
You felt desperate to talk his ear off rather than spend time in that dark room youd be left with. he'd tried to remain stoic, following the idea of repetition to avoid spoiling the process. it was hard to maintain that idea when youd stopped staring directly through him.
“what file is this then?”
Matt hadn't done his usual robotic talking to the machine; ‘code blah blah blah’. he gave you full control of the conversation - which was frustratingly boring.
“file 370.”
you hummed in response. again, boring.
“can i.. see your notes?”
surprising, he pushed them over to you instantly. plain. you searched across the files and the pages of his notebook but there was purely nothing. he'd taken precautions this time.
you met his eyes once again. practically shaking in his seat, eyes darting across various places in the room and table to avoid yours. had he always been this emotive?
“what is your problem?”
he refused to respond.
“what's going on?”
he took a deep breath, leaning forward in his chair causing you to jolt back in vague defense.
“how much do you remember?”
“I remember you fucking stabbed me with a needle and i-”
“youre not supposed..” his voice faded out seeing your expression shift again.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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+ all matt only taglist : @trulygentle @tori-isss-dying @cvrsedxzs @5tunnaa+ angst and fluff only taglist : @xeneasworld @kayskreativeideas @franticroads @idkwhatthisis2009+ angst and smut only: @therapistfreind
WARNINGS: SMUTTTT, obv food play, biting, licking etc, messy, erm like embarrassment kink, lots of teasing, grinding and more but im lazy <3 enjoy pls and thank you
wc: 1.1k
au masterlist // navigation // all aus
you nibbled at his jawline playfully, placed across matts lap sideways. he rest his hands on your knees firmly to support you.
"you hungry?"
you giggled and held the other side of his face to pull him closer, biting harder.
"ow- fuck."
you finally detached your lips, staring at him innocently. he didnt look annoyed, used to your shenanigans and not actually caring about the pain. he placed a cigarette in his mouth to light it, feeling your disapproving gaze without looking.
you folded your arms together. "'m not kissing you if you taste like smoke."
"you never kiss me."
"and you wonder why."
he removed it, stamping it out on the ashtray as he sighed deeply and leant back on the couch exhausted. you shifted in his lap to face him, smile wide in victory.
matt closed his eyes partially irritated, shifting you into boredom so you sighed passive aggressively.
"what?" he spat out.
"hungry."
"you know where the kitchen is."
breath left you abruptly, carelessly clambering off matt towards the kitchen. you searched through various cupboards, growing increasingly annoyed.
you stood up, arms crossed as you tried to catch his attention from his seat on the couch. when he finally looked over you frowned.
"lollipops?"
"haven't got any."
"but im hungry!"
"if youre that hungry you can eat something else. there's chocolate somewhere too." he tried to reason with you as he'd started to enjoy yourself frustration. you mumbled disapproval to his suggestion.
"what's wrong with chocolate?" he laughed mockingly.
"its not gonna annoy you! i want a lollipop."
"annoy me?-"
"you like when I eat them."
the tone of voice you used implied it was obvious, while overwhelming matts mind with various scenes of you eating them which he had to snap himself out of.
he watched you grumpily stomp around, retrieving the bar and heading back towards your place atop his lap. your brows furrowed in confusion, standing before the couch and watching the spreading grin on his face.
he beckoned you closer with his fingers, head tilted to the side in a knowing expression.
"c'mon i have an idea."
this time you cautiously sat on his lap, eyes flicking between matts eyes and hands as he took the chocolate from you. you fiddled with the hem of his shirt, he snapped a row off the partially already melted bar.
he held it out for you, inviting you to bite a piece off the top. you held eye contact as you did, watching the corner of his mouth twitch as his plan formed more clearly in his head.
when youd finished, matt held it out for you again.
he swerved it before you could bite, smearing its melted edges to the side of your mouth. you lightly gasped out of shock, matt rushed his hand to your face, gripping and wiping the chocolate with his thumb. he pushed it between your lips which you instinctively sucked on. he removed it once he was satisfied, wiping your spit on the sides of your own mouth.
he barely gave you a moment to process before he held out the chocolate for you once again. you obeyed, slightly less shocked when he did the same thing again, pressing it lightly from your mouth to cheek and chin messily. he didnt clean it up straight away this time, laughed lowly in a mocking tone as you looked away out of embarrassment.
you were a little ashamed, not only from feeling marginally self conscious but in your enjoyment of it all.
"wan' me to clean you up again?" he whispered in your ear, hand gripping your thigh.
you nodded and turned your head to face him. matts grip suddenly returned, your eyes widening when he leaned down to kiss and lick at the mess on your face. he dropped the rest of the chocolate down, reaching to smear the melted marks on his fingers from holding the treat across your neck. he tilted his head to reach it, sucking on the skin as you quietly moaned from the feeling.
he gave attention the areas of your neck that didn't even have chocolate on them, beginning to get carried away and nibbling at you.
you felt heat pool between your legs, desperate for it all to go further. you panicked slightly when he pressed gentle kisses on your neck in finalty, as if he was satisfied with everything he got to do.
matt laughed at your whining, pulling his head back to look at you.
"more?" your eyes begged more than your words.
"you wan' more?" his lips ghosted over yours to tease, feeling the warmth of your gasp on his skin.
you nodded immediately and relatively, watching a smirk grow on his face.
"gotta do it yourself." your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "put it where you want me."
he handed the chocolate to you, watching as you swallowed deeply out of nervousness. you rubbed it against your thumb, gathering enough to ruin yourself with. eyes held each others gaze, tension rising as you slowly wiped it in various places, across your neck and teasingly lower, the side of your mouth again and your jawline. your eyes flicked to his hand on your thigh, smearing more across near that area of skin and higher - enough to torture the both of you.
matt helped you lay down on the couch, climbing over you to reach your neck. he spread it more from his mouths movements, making and cleaning the mess simultaneously.
you felt his hard on press into you, grinding and forcing out moans from you.
finally giving attention to your cheek, you tugged at his hair and pushed him towards you to ensure his closeness. matt drew out the movements, teasingly slow to make you get needier with every flick of his tongue.
he worked his way down to your thighs. immediately growing hungry at the sight and biting down on your flesh. you cried out a little, matt licked and kissed at the area to soothe it.
he cleaned all the evidence up, licking the tops of your thighs where there wasn't even a mess to be rid of. his eyes were drawn to the space between your legs, admiring the wet area showing on your panties from your skirt riding high enough to reveal them. he inhaled the scent of your arousal almost hypnotised by it, placing a kiss on your clothed mound.
matt returned hovering over you, watch you squirm out of neediness into, pulling him close and desperate for more.
he laughed at your desperation, mocking you. "dont worry baby, 'm not done yet."
a/n matts not done but I AM sorry for the kind of abrupt ending 💔
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
WARNINGS: SMUTTTT, obv food play, biting, licking etc, messy, erm like embarrassment kink, lots of teasing, grinding and more but im lazy <3 enjoy pls and thank you
wc: 1.1k
au masterlist // navigation // all aus
you nibbled at his jawline playfully, placed across matts lap sideways. he rest his hands on your knees firmly to support you.
"you hungry?"
you giggled and held the other side of his face to pull him closer, biting harder.
"ow- fuck."
you finally detached your lips, staring at him innocently. he didnt look annoyed, used to your shenanigans and not actually caring about the pain. he placed a cigarette in his mouth to light it, feeling your disapproving gaze without looking.
you folded your arms together. "'m not kissing you if you taste like smoke."
"you never kiss me."
"and you wonder why."
he removed it, stamping it out on the ashtray as he sighed deeply and leant back on the couch exhausted. you shifted in his lap to face him, smile wide in victory.
matt closed his eyes partially irritated, shifting you into boredom so you sighed passive aggressively.
"what?" he spat out.
"hungry."
"you know where the kitchen is."
breath left you abruptly, carelessly clambering off matt towards the kitchen. you searched through various cupboards, growing increasingly annoyed.
you stood up, arms crossed as you tried to catch his attention from his seat on the couch. when he finally looked over you frowned.
"lollipops?"
"haven't got any."
"but im hungry!"
"if youre that hungry you can eat something else. there's chocolate somewhere too." he tried to reason with you as he'd started to enjoy yourself frustration. you mumbled disapproval to his suggestion.
"what's wrong with chocolate?" he laughed mockingly.
"its not gonna annoy you! i want a lollipop."
"annoy me?-"
"you like when I eat them."
the tone of voice you used implied it was obvious, while overwhelming matts mind with various scenes of you eating them which he had to snap himself out of.
he watched you grumpily stomp around, retrieving the bar and heading back towards your place atop his lap. your brows furrowed in confusion, standing before the couch and watching the spreading grin on his face.
he beckoned you closer with his fingers, head tilted to the side in a knowing expression.
"c'mon i have an idea."
this time you cautiously sat on his lap, eyes flicking between matts eyes and hands as he took the chocolate from you. you fiddled with the hem of his shirt, he snapped a row off the partially already melted bar.
he held it out for you, inviting you to bite a piece off the top. you held eye contact as you did, watching the corner of his mouth twitch as his plan formed more clearly in his head.
when youd finished, matt held it out for you again.
he swerved it before you could bite, smearing its melted edges to the side of your mouth. you lightly gasped out of shock, matt rushed his hand to your face, gripping and wiping the chocolate with his thumb. he pushed it between your lips which you instinctively sucked on. he removed it once he was satisfied, wiping your spit on the sides of your own mouth.
he barely gave you a moment to process before he held out the chocolate for you once again. you obeyed, slightly less shocked when he did the same thing again, pressing it lightly from your mouth to cheek and chin messily. he didnt clean it up straight away this time, laughed lowly in a mocking tone as you looked away out of embarrassment.
you were a little ashamed, not only from feeling marginally self conscious but in your enjoyment of it all.
"wan' me to clean you up again?" he whispered in your ear, hand gripping your thigh.
you nodded and turned your head to face him. matts grip suddenly returned, your eyes widening when he leaned down to kiss and lick at the mess on your face. he dropped the rest of the chocolate down, reaching to smear the melted marks on his fingers from holding the treat across your neck. he tilted his head to reach it, sucking on the skin as you quietly moaned from the feeling.
he gave attention the areas of your neck that didn't even have chocolate on them, beginning to get carried away and nibbling at you.
you felt heat pool between your legs, desperate for it all to go further. you panicked slightly when he pressed gentle kisses on your neck in finalty, as if he was satisfied with everything he got to do.
matt laughed at your whining, pulling his head back to look at you.
"more?" your eyes begged more than your words.
"you wan' more?" his lips ghosted over yours to tease, feeling the warmth of your gasp on his skin.
you nodded immediately and relatively, watching a smirk grow on his face.
"gotta do it yourself." your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "put it where you want me."
he handed the chocolate to you, watching as you swallowed deeply out of nervousness. you rubbed it against your thumb, gathering enough to ruin yourself with. eyes held each others gaze, tension rising as you slowly wiped it in various places, across your neck and teasingly lower, the side of your mouth again and your jawline. your eyes flicked to his hand on your thigh, smearing more across near that area of skin and higher - enough to torture the both of you.
matt helped you lay down on the couch, climbing over you to reach your neck. he spread it more from his mouths movements, making and cleaning the mess simultaneously.
you felt his hard on press into you, grinding and forcing out moans from you.
finally giving attention to your cheek, you tugged at his hair and pushed him towards you to ensure his closeness. matt drew out the movements, teasingly slow to make you get needier with every flick of his tongue.
he worked his way down to your thighs. immediately growing hungry at the sight and biting down on your flesh. you cried out a little, matt licked and kissed at the area to soothe it.
he cleaned all the evidence up, licking the tops of your thighs where there wasn't even a mess to be rid of. his eyes were drawn to the space between your legs, admiring the wet area showing on your panties from your skirt riding high enough to reveal them. he inhaled the scent of your arousal almost hypnotised by it, placing a kiss on your clothed mound.
matt returned hovering over you, watch you squirm out of neediness into, pulling him close and desperate for more.
he laughed at your desperation, mocking you. "dont worry baby, 'm not done yet."
a/n matts not done but I AM sorry for the kind of abrupt ending 💔
⤷ sfw headcanons (there will be part two for nsfw)
not proofread coz i cba </3 — au masterlist
wc: 3k
AFFECTION
• For chris, limited affection. Has too many enemies to be completely affectionate, he really doesnt need people knowing he has a soft spot in general let alone the idea someone could take advantage of that and put her in harms way. In private, constant holding her. Wont even let her walk around his house without being by her side, likes to know shes safe at all times or he just cant function at all. He genuinely hates not being able to let everyone know that hes hers so he makes up for it by being very possessive in private.
• sunny most of all craves feeling safe. She only has her brother at home and in no way does he communicate any form of affection other than his unwavering hatred of chris and anyone who annoys her. She doesnt see her brothers defense as safety, it only makes people want to cross him out of amusement. Thats exactly why chris stays away, sunny prefers it that way. She knows hed be there as soon as she needs it, he makes her know shes always safe. She doesnt like being affectionate and she keeps to herself but in terms of chris its the only time she feels she can fully relax and be comfortable. She loves how close he wants to be when its just them.
BONDING
• With sunnys high knowledge of almost every topic, chris loves to be able to teach her things. How to roll, how to act in certain situations, how to fight. Sunny doesnt make him feel dumb for his lack in academics and he loves feeling like he has an equal. The sharing of knowledge is his way of bonding and feeling closer to her. Its a non burdening way to share what goes on in his mind.
• Sunny just loves being in his environment. Sneaking out for car drives, going to new places and for once not feeling the weight of having to socialise because its not the same with chris. Its just existing together rather than having to entertain or perform for each other.
COMFORT
• Chris has a history of ruining things by saying the wrong thing and not thinking. Whenever he feels hes on the edge of creating conflict with sunny or saying something even vaguely harsh, he just kisses her. Its a way to shut himself up, show sunny its not her and that he doesnt want to lose her. If sunnys mad at him fully, and he knows he cant kiss her, he really struggles. He knows her boundaries so he wont push them, but he’ll let her get everything she wants her to say out before even being close enough to kiss her. Hes big on physical affection with sunny because it finally means something.
• Sunny knows chris struggles with his anger, and shes been surrounded by angry men her whole life. The easiest way to know shes still safe even in those high tension moments is with chris’ hands. Just holding his hand gently of feeling him holding her lets her know hed never use them for anything aggressive. she use to find any hand movements and gestures to be triggering but now its the easiest way for her to find comfort.
DREAMS
• Chris never saw himself having a future, going from high risk situations to the next, he was sure it would eventually be the last one. He cant rely on that anymore, he wants safety and he wants that with sunny. He wants her to be happy and he believes only he can keep her completely safe.
• Sunny wants a private life, one thats calm and secure because shes never had that. Shes lived in fight or flight and she doesnt want that to be her entire life. Before chris, she never felt she could have that. She truly feels eventually they can have that together, but she knows its a matter of time.
EMERGENCIES
• His number one priority is always sunny, he will let himself be a punching bag as long as shes safe. Chris would use every ounce of energy in his body to defend her if he had too. Hes probably at his most confident when he is actually protecting her, hes skeptic a lot of the time and is convinced that calm never lasts long, so when there is actually something to defend her from he feels its more logical somethings gone wrong for him but he knows he can handle it no matter the situation.
• Sunny can only close in on herself, it takes her so long to feel even remotely okay after any dangerous situation because shes always waiting for the next one. She tends to just let it play out, feeling that its inevitable. Chris is determined to help her to look after herself, he can help her when hes actually there but in order to hide his soft spot for her, he cant be there all the time. Chris knows she can take care of herself, but shes reached the point of feeling theres no point in it anymore. Hes working to change that.
FAMILY
• Chris has a comfortable family, theyre relatively well off and he doesnt need the money yet, but he knows he will when he has to move out. His brothers havnt got themselves stuck in that business or those groups unlike chris, but now he cant get himself out of those. He keeps his family safe from risk but they worry he cant keep himself safe.
• sunny only has her brother. Their dad drove their mum away through his anger and mistreatment of her but when she left he didnt feel he should be left with the responsibility to look after them two so he left. Her brother ends up taking his anger out on her despite his only drive being to keep her safe. sunny sees it as an excuse to be violent than there being any truth in that statement.
GIFTS
• chris has like an INSANE amount of money saved up. it was originally to fund his life after moving out but now hes fully willing to spend it on sunny as a way to apologise if hes been an asshole. he'd buy her ANYTHING, fully willing to buy her a pet, a car, hundred dollars shopping spree, anything.
• okay chris is so whipped that he sees her being around him as a gift and im not exaggerating. would endlessly say thank you for her existing in his company if he wouldn't get embarrassed from it. sunny loves to buy him flowers, he acts all stupid like its a weird gift for him to be receiving but he loooves it. its a little piece of sunny for him to keep around when shes not over and he'll just stare at them and daydream about her.
HONESTY
• he doesnt want to be a liar. but he does. he sees it as protecting her, if its not endangering her and the truth doesn't yet impact her directly (he wouldn't lie about betraying her like being with another girl - he wouldn't do that in the first place) then he will lie and consider it a white lie or just bending the truth. it tends to be where they arguments originate from, sunny doesnt like being left in the dark as it just makes her feel vulnerable.
• she lies about herself, what shes thinking, how shes feeling etc. people see her as weak anyway and she doesnt need to keep providing them with evidence to back up that point. she knows she can be honest with chris but its still a little difficult
I LOVE YOU
• hes not good at specifically saying it. his way of it is in physical affection, gift giving, acts of service etc. he thinks he doesnt even deserve to say it, shes just so loveable it feels like hes like overwatering a plant if he tries too hard, hes desperate not to force her to feel any type of way. theyre also not dating so he keeps that excuse but if he ever did say it, hes not letting himself leave the conversation as anything except her boyfriend. until hes confident she wants that then hes not saying it
• she struggles, too shy in general let alone the pressure it would come with. she feels its almost burdening the universe to make sure he ends up betraying her because thats what everyone else in her life has done. she doesnt want to “curse” him by saying it
JEALOUSY
• yall know exactly what im gonna say - he gets so extremely jealous that he doesnt even know what to do with himself. his limits himself to protecting her when its an actual threat, but one is someone flirting with her or looking for too long, he doesnt know how to treat the situation. shes not actively in danger so he kind of has to let it play out even if it killllsss him. he'll be extra touchy when they hang out next tho.
• sunny started going to parties more because she likes just being in the same room as him even if they have their rules about not talking. but hearing the girls go on and on about his past with them or how much they wished they could be with him just crushes her persona of having well controlled emotions. she spends a lot of time thinking about whether or not she should ask chris for them to stop hiding them from everyone but shes yet to brave that conversation
KIDS
• chris is way too scared to even think about having kids. he knows he'll want whatever sunny wants and thats as far he can think without having a mental crisis
• sunny is really similar. living life in and next to risk has made her never feel comfortable enough to actually settle so she cant even picture herself as a mother figure (despite the fact she'd obviously make a great mum)
LISTENING
• Hes a very obvious listener, if you think hes listening he is, but if you think he isnt then he definitely isnt. He makes it obvious, staring directly into sunnys eyes and giving her his undivided attention and completely shuts up. If his eyes dart away to something else, he has no clue what was said. Sunny gets the better end of this treatment, he does his best to always listen especially when she isnt the best at verbalising her feelings
• Sunny isnt good at verbalising her feeling but chris is a whole different ballpark. He doesnt even want to wear his emotions on his face because hes always on a look out for any threats. When hes with sunny hes much more able to let go of the tension so when she is “listening” to him, it tends to be more giving him the space to just breathe properly.
MORNINGS
• Sunnys brother knows that chris is there, but he sneaks out anyways. Chris has an irrational fear that if he leaves before she wakes up then something will happen to her or she literally wont wake up. He has to say goodbye before he goes, which works well with sunnys needs too. She felt abandoned all the time anyway but sharing her space with chris has made it much more difficult to be in spaces where she can feel his presence but hes not actually there. Shes much more comfortable when she knows hes gone and in what emotion he left so she knows hes okay and that he will come back.
NEEDS
• Chris has never been good at being by himself, while refusing to open up to them he will always be in the company of people, whether theyre family friends or strangers at a party. He’ll always be emotionally and a little physically distant but its different with sunny. When theyre together he has to be a physically close as possible as if she’ll evaporate or even he himself will.
• Sunny hates being with people to a new degree, its the most uncomfortable thing in the world for her. She hates feeling at threat of anything serious or just embrassment. For her to not spiral with overthinking, she needs to know that chris takes her seriously. He has to listen when she talks, she wants to be his number one priority at all moments otherwise she will pull away completely feeling as if he never cared it the first place like she was just a joke to him.
OTHERS
• Chris is highly protective over everyone in his life (if you couldnt tell already). He has his ways of keeping constant tabs on everyone to make sure theyre safe but is also the reason he doesnt have many close friends. He doesnt want to care about too many people otherwise the amount of protection he can give lessens. He wont let people in due to fear something will happen that he couldnt save them from.
• Sunny refuses to be close to people, feeling like theyre just gonna walk out any second. She’ll act like she prefers being by herself but she just feels as if anything else is a waste of time. She always has the idea in the back of her head that chris will leave her too.
PDA
• Mentioned a little before but they have an agreement not to socialise or anything in public for both of their safety. Sunnys brother has a lot of enemies and so does chris and they dont feel its worth the risk. Everyone who vaguely knows them thinks that sunny is essentially banned from being around chris because of when she took his pills.
QUARREL
• They argue somewhat frequently. Its because they both care so much and that feeling is new to them so they arent the best at treating it. Sunny worries chris is careless sometimes with his job as a dealer and chris is too hyperaware of who sunny is near (her brothers friends etc) and also thinks she is careless sometimes. They dont always verbalising their care for each other and leave that up to physically showing it (lol) and then they only time they communicate is to in effect argue.
ROMANCE
• Chris prefers buying gifts as i think i said before, on both short and long periods of time that he cant be there, he’ll get her any kind of gift to show that he cares and how he wishes he could be there. It also gives sunny a little comfort that hes always looking out for her.
• Sunny is working on opening up, chris understands her struggles with it. So every time shes a little reliant on chris, he values it more than someone else would, its a little bit of trust that she wouldnt give to someone else.
STRESS
• I feel like a lot if self explanatory from the rest of what ive said lol buttt an example of a time hes been stressed is when chris cant come over coz sunnys brother is doing a big deal or meeting and shes in the house with him. He really thinks its not safe but sunny refuses to let chris sneak in because if he turns up and they spot him, its even riskier for him. Chris really doesnt like the people she has to be around sometimes.
TRUST
• Chris trusts sunny with most things except her ability to look after herself. Sometimes when shes feeling bad she struggles to care which chris is always hyper aware of. Sunny as ive said feels like chris might just walk away and not talk to her again so shes not good at letting him do stuff or be there for her all the time if shes struggling.
UNIQUE
• Chris has a super cool black cat he has a really big soft spot for, no one really knows he has one because he wont let anyone come over buttt since sunny found a way to sneak into his house without his family seeing, she knows and adores him. Chris sometimes uses it to convince her to come overrr
• Sunny use to have instruments and she was really good at playing them. She really loved it and made her own music but then her brother unexpectedly sold all of it because he owed someone money :(
VACATION
• They both wanna stay somewhere with a beach. Secluded enough they can enjoy each others company without stress and then it would have a lot of air since theyre both trapped in places that smell of weed most of the time. Chris is saving up to take her at some point if he can convince her brother to let him.
XTRA
• One random thing i can see them doing is when they have the house to themselves, they dont use it to yknow be at loud as they want (they can kinda do that anyway because her brother wont walk in on them), sunny uses it as an excuse to show chris around the house like that tiktok trend where people would show their pets things they havnt seen before like the inside of the microwave I HOPE SOMEONE KNOWS WHAT I MEAN OR I SOUND CRAZY, but yeah sunny shows him random things and ends up yapping his ear off because she loves explaining things and chris find it adorable :)
YEARNING
• Chris thinks about sunny day and night, 24/7. Shes like a little angel on his shoulder thats just enough to motivate him throughout his daily activities. He always makes sure to know the next time he sees her so that he always has something to look forward too.
• Sunny doesnt find yearning a comfortable state to be in so she kind of forces herself not too. But when shes actually with chris shes quite clingy and attached at the hip to him but not verbally. As you can tell she has a bad fear of abandonment so it affects her “relationship” with chris a lot.
ZZZ
• Its got to the point they both struggle to sleep when they arent together. They are so constantly worked up about the other one being in danger or just leaving that if feels like they already have/are when they dont wake up and see them. They are literally obsessed with each other they both are just said of the consequences of verbalising and showing it all the time :(
creds to anyone with an au like this :> (i know it best from @/sturnioz)
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