goodbye motherfuckers

Someone on the bus bumping into him: Oh, sorry.

Dave: One time, he asked me for a glass of water while I was mad at him. I gave him a glass of ice and told him to wait.

Guy: Then what?

Allison: Where are you?

Klaus: I'm with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Allison: I'll call Diego

Diego, answering his phone: Hello?

Allison: Where's Klaus? He texted me that he was being kidnapped

Diego: What do you mean, he's right next to me--

Diego:

Diego: I'll call you back [hangs up]

Diego: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN'T THAT BAD

Five: How did you do that without turning around?

Dave: Hey, you doing okay?

Klaus, muffled: I just need a bit of a break from everything. Including existing.

Dave: Alright, if that's what you want.

Dave: [plops face-down on Klaus' bed with him]

Klaus: What are you doing?

Dave: Taking a break from existing with you.

NASA: U would die

Diego: People who sleep WITH socks on are not to be trusted

Five: People who sleep are weird

Dave: So what if i can?

Klaus: Why do you always let me win?

Dave: You like winning

Klaus: What do u get out if it

Dave: I get to see you smile after

Klaus: He's staring at my ass

Luther: [snorts] Yeah, five heads taller than you

Five:

Luther:

Their siblings:

The Commission:

The Sparrow Academy:

Everyone:

Biden:

The Handler: Hi

Ben:

Viktor: Not really

Klaus: So why are you so scared when you hear a noise at night, huh?

Employee:

Ben: Me? You're the one who's dramatic.

Klaus: *gasps*

Klaus: *touches his heart*

Klaus: *tearing up*

Klaus: You are a *voice cracks* terrible liar, Ben.

Klaus: *hair flips*

Ben: Hey what's that pouring out of your pocket?

Klaus: [grabs the whole bottle and chugs all of it]

Allison: Klaus, calm down

Five: Let him panic, we just found out that bees don't have lungs