Merlin

Leon: He's being quiet.

Arthur: So?

Gwaine: When Merlin is quiet, something is wrong.

Percival: Or about to be wrong.

Merlin: That's unfair.

*Loud explosion happens*

Merlin: That's ridiculous.

Gwaine: Last time you went for a walk, you came back with a prophecy.

Percival: And a curse.

Leon: And a dragon egg.

Merlin: In my defense-

Arthur: ....

Gwaine: He's making that face.

Leon: The "burn down a kingdom" face.

Gwaine: Protection formation.

Arthur: From what?

Leon: Everything.

Leon: Last month you were turned into an old man.

Gwaine: Then a donkey.

Percival: Then dead.

Merlin: Temporarily dead.

Arthur: Release him immediately.

Random Sorcerer: Or what?

Arthur: Or—

Gwaine: *Kicks door down*

Percival: *Breaks wall*

Leon: *Already drawing sword*

Random Sorcerer: ....

Gwaine: True.

Percival: He has no armor.

Leon: No sword training.

Gwaine: No sense of self preservation.

Arthur: Exactly.

Gwaine: Because every time we find you, you're either unconscious, cursed, poisoned, enchanted, kidnapped, or all four.

Merlin: That's statistically unlikely.

Leon: Yesterday a merchant called him "twig".

Arthur: And?

Leon: Gwaine challenged him to a duel.

Arthur: Ah.

Leon: Percival picked up the merchant's cart.

Arthur: Ah.

Gwaine: Yesterday you tripped over a flat surface.

Merlin: It attacked me.

Gwaine: Define "seen".

Arthur: Why would I need to define-

Percival: He's in a tree.

Arthur: Why?

Percival: We don't know.

Gwaine: Arthur ordered us to keep an eye on you.

Merlin: Why?

Percival: Last week you accidentally got kidnapped twice.

Merlin: The second one barely counts.

Arthur: What do you mean "gone missing"?

Knight: We turned around for five seconds.

Arthur: Five seconds?!

Merlin: *Walks directly into a tree*

Gwaine: There he goes.

Percival: Nature's greatest enemy.

Arthur: Then explain why six knights are assigned to you.

Merlin: Because you're paranoid.

Merlin: It was an accident!

Arthur: It bit me!

Merlin: Yes?

Arthur: Are you hiding something from me?