Kaiteki

This happened the other day lol (Volume on) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #roommate #rad #friends #funny #itsnotaphasedad #dadadvice

I wish I could sleep through every moment, because being awake has gotten even more useless than I am

I don't want to sleep anymore, but the weight of all my bs is just pulling me further down into a lifeless reliance on no longer being awake

I'm only contacted when someone needs something. Work to get extra help Family to get an explanation Friends to get a favor Men to get laid That last one ^is important. Because I realized that I've been conditioned to believe that simply being myself is not enough to earn someone's love and attention. No, in order to be worth someone's time, I had to give them my body on top of my affection, love, and everything else. That's all sorts of fucked up. So I recently visited a friend of mine, who I think is really rad, with a mutual intent to cuddle and hang out. Nothing more in mind. Well, from my experience I needed to have sex with him or else he'd never talk to me again because I'm not worth his time. So I made a move on him. Dumb mistake.. He wasn't into it and I think I caught him off guard. But I suppose that's alright, really. I didn't want to actually have sex with him anyways. It's not that I'm not romantically or sexually interested in him, it's just that I didn't go to see him with intent to be intimate. I just went for warm company. We only just started taking, I barely know him, and I'd like another chance to hang out with him because I honestly really like him. If somehow I'm tossed a miracle and I get to see him again, I plan to show him that I'm not just some lonely girl hunting for dick and attention. Now that I'm aware of the influence that caused my fucked up assumptions, I'll be able to approach this with MY desires and intentions unplagued by my past experiences. I really think we can be good friends, we've similar taste and humor and I genuinely enjoy his company. Also, he's needy just like me (: Maybe further down our friendship we can consider being more than friends, but as for right now I'm only looking for warm company. I fear that I won't get another chance to hang out with him, cause I'm an asshole and I think I've scared him away.. But I'm hoping that's just my anxiety. I'd really like to see him again..