The Denji of Jiraiblr

i hate how my attention seeking complicates and sometimes ruins my strong connections with friends. i wish i didnt screw everything up. im trying to get better, but a lot of it is impulse and subconscious.

First, you have to hit absolute rock bottom. You need to stop caring about privileges and anything, you need to stop caring about everything going on around you, them you need to pick up drinking.

I'm not talking party drinking or occasional drinking, sulk in the corner while drinking cheap vodka, any lick of alcohol you can get. You need to sell your wife's tights to get more liquor.

Then, you need to start gambling and be really terrible at it, develop anemia, be really weak, then get beat for trying to swindle a kingpin after owing money.

Somhow survive, but get thrown in a ditch. Then you're gonna get scolded by your wife, so you'll need to go to your nearest chapel.

Once you're done with part one, you're gonna sit through an Orthodox sermon while feeling crushing guilt in your chest,

You're gonna develop an interest in sin and theotokos

Then you're gonna realize you're too much of a slime to go see your wife, so you're gonna start writing for the Petersburg newspaper and sending your wife the morsels you make in rubles

Your wife is gonna let you back in, and you're gonna keep repeating this drinking and gambling cycle,

Until you move onto part three,

Youre gonna get kept in Siberia and then you're g9nna start writing while awaiting death

And soon you'll have made three hit Russian existentialist novels

Boom, fluent in Russian.