antediluvian

There are days where Ethan’s positive thinking wavers, small moments in the dark or after puuting down one of the dead for good that his mind works against him. There were so many less people in the world, now. With numbers slim it was highly unlikely that one of his relatives had actually made it through winters, through illness, and through the horror that were hoards or starvation. Then again if they were somewhere they would likely think the same of Ethan – the crybaby of the family, the gentle one. The artist. Yet somehow he was still standing, still breathing, and doing fairly well.  Theo’s mental image is one that makes him smile. even if it was just hopes – little dreams they both wished were true without the chance of ever seeing it with their own eyes. Ethan had come to accept that while his family might be alive, it was unlikely that he would see them again. If anything, not being proved wrong gave his wishes more power to be likely. But there was a differences between being hopeful and delusional.

“Three older sisters. My folks split up years ago and we’ve all kinda done our own things but I’d usually fly out to do birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas – things like that. My oldest sister might have been over in Italy on her honeymoon when all this started, last I heard they decided they wanted to stay a little longer…” Ethan trails off, then shrugs. “I wish there was a way to know what it was like overseas – if places are held together a little better over there or not. Maybe someday things’ll even out enough where we can do boats and planes and stuff like that again. I’d rather fly, but – I might be able to warm up to a boat, given the circumstances. Maybe I watched Titanic too young, I dunno – they just scare me.”

"I hope they’re all okay. Everyone. Wherever they are. ...it has to at least be better overseas.”

More optimism. If things were better overseas, they wouldn’t have still been shipping some of Theo’s friends off to fight for their country even before this mess. Some were doing multiple tours now. No matter how the media tried to spin it, there was always something fucked up somewhere, whether it was in the sand and grit, Germany, Japan. And ongoing list of of bases and missions.

Did that make them more susceptible? What about more heavily populated places, like India and China, where their numbers stretched into the billions? Would they have fallen faster, or be more resilient, finding their strength in numbers?

There went that loving feeling. Theo swallowed hard and shifted again, studying his boots. 

“Italy is on a peninsula, so it’s not landlocked the way so many places here were. Plus there are islands around it.  It’s gotta be okay there. Maybe it didn’t reach all the way to Europe. If it did.., maybe they were better prepared. 

@bloodcovercd, continued because i’m weak.

Survivors guilt was an ugly thing and had put Ethan in a very dark place even before the apocalypse swooped in and starting taking loved ones from every single person on the planet. In truth, he didn’t know if his sisters were okay, even if he felt they were all so much stronger than him. His parents lived on either side of the country, hadn’t really been in contact when communications started to fail. Were they both physically well enough to make it through the winters that had passed? Were they safe or were they shambling around with milk-colored eyes having forgotten him and his siblings? Had they met some people, died, and were cared for enough to be taken care of?  Were their graves marked? Had some of them joined his little brother in the afterlife? Was there an afterlife to even begin with – a higher power that condoned the amount of suffering there now was? The amount that Theo carried on his shoulders? It wasn’t his place to say.

“I like to think… they wouldn’t want me to be lonely. I know that seems even more selfish at times, but I know that if – if they are out there somewhere, I hope that they are with people. That they have people they depend on and love. That someone is watching out for them.” A romantic. Ethan has been accused of being one before. 

Theo shifts where he’s seated cross-legged on the ground, elbow settling on a thigh and chin propped in hand. Fingers splay over his mouth, partially obscuring the soft smile creeping up. Nice thought, that they’d all found somewhere they could belong. Communities sprouted up here and there. Maybe they’d found one, all of them, and were all living behind the security of walls.

New lives, all together. Would his dad have found the faith again? Seemed like the appropriate time for someone like him to have a come to Jesus moment. Ezra would still be taking care of the younger boys, chasing after them to brush their hair, straighten their clothes, mind manners. All the same, just...displaced.

He blinks, catching himself practically daydreaming, and laughs.

“Your optimism is contagious, man. I got a nice little mental picture going, sort of sunshine and rainbows kinda moment. I hope my family is somewhere with people too. Hope my dad’s annoying the hell out of everyone, waving his bible around. And my brothers are...”

Alive. No matter what they were doing, at least alive. 

     “Seems like it sometimes. There’s worse out there, you know? People have lost a lot. Whole families and all...”

      So has he, to be fair - his father and brothers are all still unaccounted for, and Theo has yet to make peace with that. The idea that they could still be out there leaves him discontent, too restless to want to stay in a place for too long. 

      Having added company helps though. Finally being around other people longer than just in passing grounds him, lets him think a little more clearly. But once in awhile, guilt creeps in, chasing away anything that might even resemble satisfaction. Wanting company, another human presence, is what he’s called selfish, and it will still feel that way even with Ethan’s reassurance.

Bastille  {Sentence Starters}

“I don’t wanna hear you talk about it, anymore.”

“Do you understand that we will never be the same again?”

“But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all?” 

“These are the things, the things we lost.”

“So, what would you little maniacs like to do first?”

“If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle.”

“You don’t listen to me. You don’t listen to me, anymore.”

“How am I gonna be an optimist about this?”

“The future’s in our hands and we will never be the same, again.”

“We were caught up and lost in all of our vices.”

“And if you don’t like it, then why do you want me?”

“We’ll find a common ground and fall in love all over again.”

“What’s gonna be left of the world if you’re not in it?”

“And I don’t think that that’s a selfish want, I really don’t.”

“What are you good for? What are you good for?”

“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve.”

“And these little things define you forever.”

“How am I gonna get myself back home?”

“You’ve given up trying and, now, you just tear me apart.”

“I could only be myself with you around.”

“Is there any just cause for feeling like this?”

“Now, you’ve hit a wall and it’s not your fault.”  

“I guess a whole lot’s changed since I seen you last.”

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Willow quotes {Sentence Starters}

“I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of.”

“Aw, and here I just thought you didn’t have a come-back.”

“The world’s no fun anymore. We’re going to make it the way it was, starting with ______.”

“This world’s no fun.”

“And I just realized that’s what I want to do. Fight evil, help people.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t do anything that could be interpreted as brave.”

“I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo. Poor you.”

“I’m storming off. It doesn’t really work if you come with me.”

“Well, look at me. I’m all fuzzy.”

“It’s way too late. You know, it didn’t have to be this way. But you made your choice.”

“We have to try. We’ll pay the price, it’s do or die.”

“Most importantly, it would be WRONG.”

“You guys stay here while I get some help. If something tries to get in, just fight it off.”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t be helping him?”

“Doesn’t it make you wonder what else is there, like, right under our feet?”

“But, at least we all worked together and it was like old times.”

“You can’t just give up because there’s obstacles.”

“You’re not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.”

“I just hate the way he bullies people. He just assumes everyone’s time is his.”

“Old Reliable? Yeah, great, there’s a sexy nickname.”

“Well, it wasn’t exactly anything he said. It was all in his eyes. I mean, there was some nostril work as well, but mostly eyes.”

“Ok, let’s get to the killing. Why don’t we start with her?”

“Okay, that’s a little blacker than I like my arts.”

“This is creepy. I don’t like the thought that there’s a vampire out there that looks like me.”

“I’m so evil, and skanky… and I think I’m kinda gay.”

“No more snuggles?”

“A human? Oh, yeah? Could a human do this?”