📼💿Blonde Death 📟💾

July hot day vibe (feat. Corduroy) 🌡

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🍔Classic Cheeseburgers - lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mustard 🍗Fried Chicken with BBQ sauce & pickles 🌺Hawaiian Macaroni Salad 🫘Maple & Bacon Bush's Baked Beans 🥔Lays Potato Chips 🍉Watermelon 🥧Apple Pie 🍋Lemon Berry Whiskey Lemonade 🍺Sam Adams

I have not survived. ⚰

Being hopeful for something now, after having lost so much (including dreams that never came true), can still be invigorating. But the disappointment (because that's all there is) is way too much now. I'd rather never be hopeful again than have to lose even one more thing, no matter how tiny or inconsequential. I cannot handle any more.

"Partly cloudy" days really aren't a thing in Los Angeles. Southern California has sunny days, or cloudy days...days with a few clouds and a peekaboo sun are infrequent. They remind me of Midwestern and Southern summer days...rays randomly streaming onto shag carpet in a closed-up house, AC running, above-ground pools, rustly bushy trees swaying in a hot breeze. The threat of severe thunderstorms or tornadoes. Grilling out. VH1 and MTV music videos and soap operas. And then silence, except for a ticking clock.

So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, SOOOOOOOO sick of it.

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